


All Roads Lead Home

by nikki_ntm



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Complete, Drama, F/M, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 04:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikki_ntm/pseuds/nikki_ntm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Lea was born into a life of imprisonment and spectacle. It was a life he was content with until he was enticed with the idea of freedom. Little did he know that freedom was a length of rope made to hang the fools that sought it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Beta-reader:** Tamisin  
 **Warnings:** Physical and psychological abuse, misogyny, gender identity issues, sex, character death and other dark themes that I will warn for when the occasion calls for it.  
 **A/N:** This story was inspired by and is loosely based on the Korean movie "The King and the Clown". There are some quotes used in this story that are not mine. Those quotes will be credited accordingly in the chapters in which they are used.

* * *

  **All Roads Lead Home**  


**Chapter 1**

* * *

The School of Performing Arts was in a secluded clearing up on hill beneath a majestic mountain that curved around the dense forest in the valley. The birds chirped in the early morning spring and flew from one half-bloomed cherry blossom tree to another while the second group went through their stretching exercises out in the spacious courtyard.

No one from the first group was allowed on this side of the mansion when the second group was outside, but Lea figured that another beating wouldn't make much of a difference if he was caught now. He wiped off the blood running down his nose with his sleeve as he stepped out on the open porch and hid behind a fire-red column to watch the stretching exercises.

A soft breeze blew in over the courtyard. Lea's lined and worn pants fluttered in the breeze and he sat down slowly, used to the dull ache from the slowly forming bruises on his legs and arms. Drawing unflattering pictures of his teachers usually got him in trouble when he was caught, more so when he had failed to memorize the assigned paragraphs from the Book of a Thousand Cries. But being the clown made him popular amongst his comrades and it only gave the teachers a reason to beat him up. Besides, being left alone in the room by the courtyard when the second group was outside was worth a bruise or two.

Lea looked for a spot of blue in the group of at least fifty students, and he smiled when he saw what he was looking for in the third line from the front. Number Seven. His real name was unknown to Lea. All he knew was that Number Seven belonged to him, and there was nothing he would want more than to run up to him and become his friend this instant.

To him, Number Seven was a gift from his superiors; a "thank you" for his dedication and progress. He was still oblivious to the politics that would determine his fate and that of his future friend.

The School of Performing Arts was an ancient school with close ties to the Royal Court. They were the providers of entertainment. They raised performers of excellent quality, educated in most art forms: theater, dance, poetry recitation, traditional instruments. Once fully-fledged, they were sold to the Royal Court where they lived until they were deemed worthless.

The school was divided in two parts for their two groups; Group One and Group Two. The students were assigned to a group the second they set foot on the premises. Not a second went to waste when there was so much they had to learn. Most knew no other life than this one.

Poor farmers from neighboring villages came to this school when they had a child they couldn't feed, and for a few coppers the school freed the farmers from their burdens as long as the burden wasn't a girl.

Lea had been written down as a male performer when he had been taken into the custody of the school at the tender age of two. At that moment it was determined what he would be taught and how much he would be considered worth once he was sold to the Royal Court for entertainment.

The school only educated boys, and Lea was considered one of the lucky few. Being assigned to Group One meant that he was raised and treated like a boy should be according to the norms of a society he had yet to see with his own eyes.

Group Two was a bit different.

All reenactments of old classical theater had female characters, but girls were seen as a liability to all theater groups. They were expensive and gave little profit. The boys in Group Two were therefore raised as girls. They were taught certain mannerisms and ways of speaking that would make it difficult to distinguish them from what they really were.

At the age of fifteen, each student from Group One received a "spouse". It hadn't been the term used by the teachers up until recently, but the widespread use of it amongst the students in the first group had made it stick.

The spouses were everything they were told to be. They had been raised to be compliant and obedient, like a proper woman should be. It kept the performers from seeking out the concubines at the castle, and since the former King had prohibited neutering, this was considered the next best thing.

There were many questionable things behind the gift Lea was so desperately looking forward to, but he was still a child with a naïve mind, and all he wanted was a friend that was his and no one else's.

Lea led a lonely life. He was always surrounded by people, but they weren't interesting. They came near because he had something to offer. He could make them laugh, he could get them out of trouble, but they couldn't give anything back.

Number Seven was different. They had yet to meet, but in his dreams, Lea had seen that Number Seven was kind and nurturing. He would play cards with Lea and hold his hand when thunderstorms brewed.

Lea watched carefully when the group froze in one position at the command of their teacher. Number Seven stared straight ahead, holding his position effortlessly until their teacher gave another order. The entire group dropped to the ground onto one knee and stretched their arms gently toward the sky.

Two years left, Lea thought. He could let two years pass without trying to make contact. The time he had to wait was nothing compared to the time they would have together. Lea had already decided that once he got his friend, only death would be a force strong enough to make him let go.

 

 

**~o~**

Lea tied a silky smooth belt around his dark blue and striped dress. He took a quick look at the sleeves that were a bit wider than usual, and he wondered for a second if his teachers would get mad at him if he pulled them up. They were only in the way, and he was sure that wide sleeves would be of little to no meaning to his new friend.

Some of his comrades sat by the wide-open paper door, looking over at the newly-built annex that was the source of the flowery incense that made them all stop for a second to appreciate the sweet fragrance that was foreign in their quarters.

Two years had passed by quickly. Lea had rarely been given much time to sit around and think about it. Most days he was too sore to keep track of time. He'd had moments where he could secretly sit out on the porch behind a wide column to look and admire his friend from afar, but they were rare and far in between.

That was going to change now.

They were going to meet for the first time.

Lea took a deep breath and joined his comrades by the paper door when they saw a teacher light the torches outside the annex before pulling the door aside just a little. The cypress columns near the torches were a luminous brown, and once the torches caught fire, they could see dim lights appear inside the annex. The silhouettes of the waiting "spouses" reflected on the paper doors, and even Lea was caught up in the excited whispering around him.

The sound of two wooden blocks being knocked together twice echoed through the spacious court and broke the silence on the hill.

All of the boys scrambled up onto their feet and got into two lines. They didn't start walking down the open porch until they heard the third knock of the wooden blocks. No one said anything. They walked with their heads down, ready to greet their teacher.

Lea's thoughts were racing. His heart was beating fast, and he had to take a deep breath to calm his nerves. The scuffling of their feet against the polished porch helped him focus on something else that wasn't the butterflies in his stomach, at least until they got to the annex.

"Room Four," he heard his teacher say to the boy at the front of the line. He gave him a wooden badge with the number four burnt onto the surface before he was allowed to go inside.

Once it was Lea's turn, Lea quickly reached his hand out to take the badge and run inside Room Seven. He was certain that was the way they had planned it all.

"Room Thirteen."

Lea gaped at the teacher who was too busy scribbling down Lea's name into a thick old book. No, that wasn't his number. He was here for Number Seven.

"Sir, I –"

"Get inside, Lea. No one's in the mood for your scenes today."

His hand clenched around the badge tightly when he was pushed into the building. He had no choice but to move down the long hallway made of dark cypress where the scent of the flowery incense lingered. With determined steps, he walked up to the paper door with number thirteen on it and took a deep breath. This wasn't necessarily bad, he told himself. Maybe they had the opportunity to switch "spouses" later.

In a swift move, Lea slid the paper door open to stop himself from running from room to room to look for Number Seven and earn himself the beating of his life.

In the room, wide straps of red and white silk hung from the ceiling and were attached to the wall to form an upside-down tulip. A lantern by the long, narrow window illuminated the room softly, and in the middle of the room sat Number Seven in layers of long silky robes. His face was white. His long blue hair had been tamed into an intricate coiffure that must have taken all day to get right.

Lea bowed quickly and jumped into the room, a small smile playing on his lips as he slid the door closed behind him.

"Hi! I'm Lea. What's your name?"

Number Seven glared at him. His lips had been painted red, and combined with his cold expression he looked like a porcelain doll.

"I was worried that I was going to get someone else. I've been watching you," Lea admitted sheepishly and flopped down onto the braided floor mats with his legs crossed. He hadn't thought the wide sleeves would come to good use, but now, when his hands trembled with excitement, he was happy that he had decided against pulling them up.

Number Seven followed his every move with his eyes, like a dog on watch.

"I'm Isa," he said finally, narrowing his eyes when Lea's smile brightened.

"Isa," Lea repeated quietly to himself. "It's a pretty name. Does it mean anything?"

"Rainbow."

Isa frowned when Lea chuckled. Lea moved in closer to give Isa a comforting pat on the shoulder. It's what he usually did with his comrades when they seemed offended by something he did or said. It kept things from escalating and turning into fights.

It didn't always work, but even so, Lea hadn't counted on Isa turning against him.

He yelped in surprise when Isa grabbed him by the wrist and quickly jumped up onto his feet to push Lea's arm up against his back before he could retaliate.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Let go!"

"Don't touch me," Isa said in a low voice, surely to keep the guarding teachers outside from barging in and see that he was anything but what a proper lady should be.

"Hey, you're the only one doing any kind of touching here."

Lea sat back up slowly when Isa sat back down on the same spot, his eyes fixated on Lea. He moved his aching wrist around with a sulky look on his face, holding back curses as he stared back.

"Careful who you mess with, Isa. Not everyone has the same kind of patience as I do," Lea warned, his pride urging him to get even.

Isa laughed. It was a bitter laugh, and this time Lea frowned, because that's not the way his friend should laugh. He had expected joy, sparkling eyes and equal excitement for their meeting, but Isa seemed angry with him for being here, and he hadn't hung onto this dream for over two years only to have it burst in front of him like this.

He wanted the friend he had imagined. He wanted the friend he saw reflected in Isa's determinate eyes when he stood out on the courtyard, turning the stretching into a slow dance of stamina and grace.

His blood started to boil in his veins at the arrogant look that he was met by, it was a look he had seen many times in his comrades. This was supposed to be different.

The low growl that came out of him would have surprised him if he had been paying attention, but he was too angry to notice, and too focused on his next move to stop and think about he was doing.

He launched himself at Isa, pleased with the look of shock on Isa's face when Lea pinned him to the floor. It only lasted for a second. Isa had put his knees to his chest as Lea fell over him and as soon as he lay with his back against the floor, he pushed Lea off him, and like a sack of potatoes, Lea flew over Isa and did half a somersault in the air before he landed on his back with a muffled groan of pain.

Isa waited for him to make a move, and so, when Lea attacked again, he was ready to fight him off, but Lea was persistent. They tumbled around the room, dodging and delivering punches until Isa pinned Lea against the wall, threatening to push his arm tighter against Lea's throat until he surrendered.

"Alright," Lea breathed. "Look, we got off on the wrong foot. This is not what I had planned…"

"What had you planned, you pervert?"

"Your mother's a pervert– ugh, alright, alright!" Lea coughed when Isa pushed his arm higher up his throat. "That was uncalled for. I just wanted to have a chat, maybe play a round or two of Go Fish."

"What?" Isa stepped back, apprehensive still, but at least the look in his eyes wasn't cold anymore.

Lea smiled and reached for a deck of cards up his sleeve and flopped down onto the floor again. He shuffled the cards and turned to Isa. "C'mon, sit. We can play Go Fish first, and if you have any other game you want to play, we can do that after this round."

Isa sat down in front of him slowly and watched Lea deal out the cards.

"Why are you wearing so many layers by the way? Aren't you warm in all of that? I'm just wearing one layer and I'm about to combust. How do you even move around in that? You weigh like a ton."

"I…dressed up for you…"

"And you had trouble choosing what to wear so you decided to wear everything?" Lea picked up his six cards and arranged them in his hand. "The red one's pretty. It suits you."

Isa crossed his arms. He looked down onto the floor with a soft sigh, seemingly lost in his own thoughts while Lea waited for him to pick up his cards to start the game.

"Isa?"

"Turn around," he said as he got up on his feet again. "Don't look until I say so."

Lea rolled his eyes, but obeyed while he heard Isa struggle with his belt and with all the layers he was wearing until he felt decent enough to sit back down again and finally reach for his cards.

"You can turn around now."

Lea didn't say anything about the pile of fabric next to Isa when he turned around, or the awkward look on Isa's face when he tried to discreetly pull his sleeves down as much as possible to not show too much skin. The fight had tussled his hair and ruined his makeup, but he looked better now; he looked alive and not like a fragile porcelain doll.

"You've got any Queens?" Lea asked, deciding to not say anything about the red robe Isa had decided to leave on either, although he failed to keep a smile off his face.

"Go fish. Knights?"

"Go fish."

Lea looked down at his cards and moved them around casually, putting his two Knights by his Queens. His tendency to cheat was probably the main reason to why the others refused to play with him anymore. He could swear up and down that he wouldn't cheat again, but they wouldn't believe him.

Isa didn't know any better.

"Sevens?" Lea looked up again.

"Go fish. Give me your Queens."

"Wha- but you said that you didn't have any!"

"I didn't. I just picked one up. Give me your Queens."

Lea gaped as he stared from Isa's outstretched hand, demanding the cards, to his solid pokerface. Was he cheating? Lea felt his pride urge him to put a stop to it, but he took a deep breath and decided to wait and see.

His decision led to him losing monumentally with merely one book to show. He stared dumbfounded at the results of the game while Isa piled all of his books together and reached for Lea's cards to shuffle them.

"You're lucky we didn't gamble for money."

"I've never lost before," Lea said with disbelief. The slightly accusing glare he managed to give Isa seemed to unsettle him.

Isa sat back, leaving the deck of cards in the middle, suddenly lowering his gaze to his neatly folded hands on his lap as if he suddenly remembered where he was.

"I'm sorry," he said in a low voice. "You're not going to tell your superiors, are you?"

"No," Lea replied with ease. He could have added a few reassuring words, said that he probably never would turn to his teachers to resolve conflicts between them because then he would have to explain that he'd kill whomever dared to lay a hand on the only gift he had ever received.

He got up onto his feet with a small jump and smiled when he managed to get Isa to look up at him.

"How about you teach me that dance you and your group do out on the yard?"

"It's not a dance," Isa said with the first earnest smile Lea had seen today. "It's stretching."

"It looked like a dance to me, and I'm pretty sure you used one or two dance moves on me when we wrestled. I want in on it too."

The room was small, and they would probably end up hitting arms and legs against one wall or another, but Isa obliged and got up onto his feet to get in stance. He had closed his eyes to take a deep breath, and he peeked through his eyelashes to see if Lea was mirroring his moves.

"You're not gonna learn anything if you just stand there," he said with a laugh when Lea seemed to have been scared out of his thoughts, and it took him more than a second to sort his limbs out and mimic the simple stance.

He never thought that he'd get to witness this routine up close or become part of it. Lea was as trained as Isa was in the art of performing dance, but it didn't seem to have the same meaning to him as it did to Isa.

Isa disappeared into a world of his own where everything made sense to him. The sound of his breathing was as relaxing as stretching his limbs away from each other. Lea caught a glimpse of the world Isa engulfed himself in; it was a world that not even the sound of the cicadas' chirping could penetrate.

They didn't see each other during nighttime for a long time after that. It was one of the few things that were optional in Lea's schedule. Many of his comrades went to the annex during nighttime. Lea would have gone too if Isa hadn't asked him not to go.

"If you come, I'll ignore you," he had said, clearly forgetting that he really didn't have a say in how things developed, but Lea hadn't questioned it, even if it angered him that he was kept at an arm's length when they were meant to spent eternity together.

They saw each other during daytime when they had chores in the same house, or if they had rehearsal.

It was easy to forget their roles when they were in each other's company. Lea had almost gotten them both in trouble when he let the wrong pronoun slip, or when his boyish way of speaking rubbed off on Isa.

Lea watched two of his comrades pass him by on their way to the annex. They were whispering amongst themselves and didn't even bother to look at Lea when he cleared his throat as he propped himself against the wall to get their attention.

"Another night by yourself, huh?" Cain came walking in from a neighboring room with a red ribbon in his mouth while he brushed through his long black hair.

"Yeah," Lea pouted.

"Don't tell me you were one of those who cut right to the chase? Can't blame your lady for not wanting to see you at night if you tried to get to the honey without some courting first."

"What are you talking about?" Lea asked annoyed.

"They all expect a bit of romance. Have you learned nothing from all the plays we've rehearsed? What's the first thing the King gives the Dragon Princess?"

"Flowers."

"Handpicked flowers, exactly! What did you give your lady on your first date?"

"Nothing, just like the rest of you."

"We might not have brought flowers, but I think most had a little something with them. You should surprise her with a bouquet of flowers next time you see her. She'll warm up to you. Remember, it's your job to make it work, or both of you are out." Cain tied the ribbon around his hair to make a ponytail and straightened his robe with a grin. "You have fun now, I'm off."

Flowers. Lea scoffed and shook his head. Isa didn't seem to be the type who would respond well to flowers. The person who was meant to be a constant in his life didn't even want to be touched by him. After years of watching him from afar, he needed more than just a casual conversation every other day. That was not to say that he didn't treasure those moments, because he did, more so than he dared to say. But in the aftermath of those conversations, he ended up feeling emptier than before. He was kept at a distance and he just didn't know how he could get closer.

A week passed, and there wasn't a night that went by that he didn't ponder his situation, until he decided that a bouquet of flowers would at least give him a reason to go over to the annex.

He ran out to the front yard which was a place held exclusively for Group One. A gravel road led to the gates that Lea had only walked through once in his life. He could only see the road disappear into the dense forest outside. The outdoors didn't really capture his attention. He was here on a mission and once he saw the wild flowers that grew right on the other side of the bars, everything else around him disappeared.

Lea picked a bunch of red flowers first. It was a reminder of the color Isa had worn the first time they met, he figured as he arranged yellow flowers around the red ones. When the King had given the Dragon Princess a bouquet of flowers, the colors had symbolized something. Sure, the red and the yellow in the King's bouquet had been a foreshadowing of his decision to burn the Dragon Princess' kingdom to the ground, but Isa had no kingdom and Lea wasn't one to play with fire, not anymore. Last time he got his hands on matches, he had ended up walking around without eyebrows for three weeks.

Once he had the flowers arranged the way he wanted, he put the bouquet down and made three braids out of blades of grass to tie the bouquet together. He gave it one final shake to get rid of any bugs before he looked at his work of art proudly and decided that he was ready to give it to Isa.

This was supposed to be a friendly gesture. He should initiate the conversation with that. He'd say: I don't mean anything with this, I just want to be your friend. And he would stop there. He tried to stop his trail of thoughts there as he rehearsed the phrase quietly to himself, but he wanted to add that he would like Isa to be his friend too, and only his. But that wasn't a very friendly thing to say, he decided as he walked around the annex to get to the room where Isa should be.

If he was stood up, he didn't want the whole annex to know that he had come with flowers and a head held low when he came to see his "spouse".

"Isa!" he half-shouted and half-whispered when he stood outside Isa's window. He waited before he called for him again. If Isa was in there, it would take some effort for him to come to the window if he was wearing as much clothes as he had that night.

Lea didn't have to wait long. Isa pulled the small paper-door covering the window aside with a look that was a mixture of a scowl and surprise at seeing Lea there.

"I thought I made myself clear when I said that we weren't going to meet at night anymore."

"I have something for you."

Isa walked up closer to the window to try to see what it was Lea was hiding behind his back, but it was too dark to see and he didn't want to reach for the small lantern so he wouldn't seem too intrigued.

"Can't you wait until tomorrow?"

"Come outside."

"You come inside."

Lea took a deep breath to not let Isa's stubbornness get the best of him when he really wanted this to work out.

"You've been sitting there for at least three hours now, and you'll have to sit there until tomorrow morning. You come outside. It won't take long."

"I'm not allowed to step outside."

"Get out of your wardrobe, open the window properly, and jump out. Please."

Isa shot him a glare before he walked back into the room. Lea could hear all of those layers come off and he sighed in relief. He stood there, shuffling gravel gently while he waited for Isa to come to the window and climb out.

The soft breeze was cold and he was starting to feel the tip of his nose go numb, and he could see his breath.

He looked back up when Isa pulled aside the paper-door fully and opened the wooden grid of a window quietly as he jumped over the windowsill and landed on the gravel below. He wasn't wearing any makeup this time, but there were still small smudges left down his neckline.

"What is it?" he asked sternly, and shivered slightly when yet another breeze pulled through.

"It's, it's just a bouquet of flowers," Lea admitted and scratched the back of his head with embarrassment when he reached the bouquet out to Isa. "I picked them myself, and I thought that you might like them. Everyone else must be getting stuff, or that's what I heard. I didn't want you to feel left out or anything. But, as I said, it's just flowers. No big deal, right?" He laughed and tried to remember what the hell it was that he was supposed to say to not make this awkward, but Isa's piercing glare wasn't helpful at all while he stood there, feeling like his throat was about to close up on itself when his mouth went all dry.

"Are you _serious_?" Isa managed to hiss when Lea failed to find anything else to add to his blabbering.

"What? It's just a gift."

"What are you after, Lea? What do you think I'm going to offer you?"

"Nothing! I just thought that you might like a little something." Lea took a step back when Isa leaned in, his glare so intense with anger that Lea tried to pinpoint where it all had gone wrong.

"I don't want your flowers. I don't want any gifts, and I don't want to see you at nighttime. Understood?" He turned to leave, but Lea grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him back around.

"You know what? I don't understand. You don't call the shots here, I do. You're _mine_." The words were out before he could stop himself from saying them. He had never said it out loud before. He had just toyed with the thought in his head, maybe even romanticized it a little bit, but hearing it made all the difference in the world, and suddenly, Isa's attitude towards him made sense.

"That's exactly why I don't want anything from you." Isa looked relieved that Lea had slipped. "I'm not a possession. I'm not a whore of a woman who would invite you to bed for flowers."

"Listen, that's not– I didn't mean to say something like that. It's not what I think at all, and if it bothers you to be called a woman or, or be treated as one…I can stop, really…it just came out so wrong…"

"I don't care if you see me as a woman or not. I don't care whether I am a woman or not. That's not the point. You want someone who is what you've been promised. You want someone's who's perfect. Someone who'll laugh at your jokes, who'll serve you and look at you like you're the sun and the moon. It doesn't have to be me. As long as someone fills those requirements, you'll be fine. You're better off not getting attached to me anyway. I'm going to leave as soon as I get the chance."

Lea's grip around Isa's wrist grew tighter when he turned to leave again. He didn't make it easy for Lea to make him stay this time, but Lea finally managed to get him to stop when he dropped the bouquet.

"Isa, wait, wait– just wait one second. I just want to be your friend. That's all I want. If my jokes are crap, you can say 'Lea, your jokes are crap' and I'll understand because you'll be my friend and friends tell each other the truth. Alright? I'm not looking for a perfect woman in you…I'm not…if the day comes, the day I'd like to be your sun and moon, I'll find a way to earn it. But Go Fish is fine for now. Really. With or without makeup. And if you want to wear your arsenal of clothing while we play, that is completely fine too. Just be my friend. Please…?"

Lea wasn't a stranger to silence. They practiced silence. It would be a great part of their life once they sat in court in the presence of the King, but Lea knew that he would have very little to say with the King nearby. It would be nothing like standing in the presence of Isa when all he wanted was to fix something that they had barely started.

"You're an idiot," Isa said finally with a sigh that washed all of the anger off his face.

"Yeah, that's what I've heard." Lea smiled nervously and shifted his weight from one foot to another impatiently, "Where does that leave us?"

"I guess that…I can be your friend," Isa said slowly and watched Lea's face brighten up with joy. "But I'm not yours," he added quickly, and Lea both nodded and shook his head in agreement.

"You're right. Of course, you're right. You're a person. Persons can't be owned. But they can be friends. And you're my friend now. Would you kick me into next week if I gave you a hug? A friendly hug."

Isa lowered his head slightly, and though they were just about the same size, he looked slightly smaller when he did that, and in the light of what just had been said, Lea realized that it was a gesture that was a part of his training to become a perfect woman. In the presence of a man, a woman's stature was small, and that trail of thought was meant to be a reflex in Isa.

Maybe it was a habit Isa would try to break, but for now, Lea felt that he shouldn't say anything about it. He embraced Isa gently, and it wasn't until Isa returned the hug that Lea noticed that he was wearing the red robe. He smiled. Not because it tickled his ego, but because it was a reminder of the first time they met, and it was nice to know that it had mattered to Isa too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: mentions of physical abuse  
> Beta reader: Tamisin  
> Credit for quote used in this chapter: "Running was the way he dreamed [...]" - Enchantment [1999], Orson S. Card

* * *

Spending time with his "spouse" was never meant to be a choice. It had been part of Isa's duty, but the thought of having to spend the rest of his life with someone who he had never met before had been sickening because he knew what was expected of him.

Lea was giving him a choice, and it just made matters worse when Isa couldn't hate him the way he had hoped he would.

Isa was aware of how distant he was around Lea. He had agreed to be Lea's friend, but even that felt like too much of a commitment when he stopped to think about his own plans for the future, and he knew right then that it had been a mistake to let Lea in. Every smile that Lea managed to coax out of him led him one step closer to accept his fate as a prisoner who had done nothing wrong.

Isa pondered while he walked ahead, following the mentor of Group Two down one of the many polished porches. He was fifth in line to the right of his mentor. The group usually walked in silence, but today there was something that inevitably broke it, and Isa's train of thought was disrupted when he heard the whispers and surprised gasps from the rest of the group.

At the end of the house ahead, which was the designated training spot for Group One, stood a group of young men looking up at the roof with their mentor standing ahead, yelling at someone who had climbed up.

"He's going to fall!" said Isa's mentor in a horrified high-pitched voice.

Isa stepped from the line and down into the courtyard to see the roof clearly. He regretted doing so as soon as he saw Lea's fiery red hair stick out, but it was too late to discreetly slip away. Lea saw everything from where he stood and he grinned widely and reached his arms up to wave.

"Isa! Look!" he yelled and slowly turned to walk ahead on the narrow roof space at the very top. He balanced with his arms stretched out to each side, and he walked from one side to the other with confidence.

"Lea, you get down here this second!" Lea's mentor roared from the ground.

Isa didn't mean to look mesmerized, he was sure that he looked petrified when Lea skipped around to walk back to the other side of the roof, but Lea seemed to find encouragement enough just by Isa looking.

Lea ignored his mentor and he took a deep breath right before he ran across the roof, making everyone on the courtyard hold their breaths for a whole of three long seconds.

Lea stood on the edge of the roof, his heels sticking out in the air, and he closed his eyes as he took yet another deep breath. It looked relaxing, even if it was just for a moment that was quickly swept away by a harsh wind that threw Lea out of balance. He struggled against gravity, waving his arms around to gain footing, but the tiles slipped underneath his feet and he fell over onto the other side of the roof to the terrified screams of his spectators.

Lea's mentor hurried to the other side of the house followed by some of Lea's classmates. Isa didn't once think of going after them. He kept looking up at the roof, his breath caught in his throat, until he saw Lea reach his hand out over the roof and push himself up and stare back right at him across the courtyard with a sheepish smile.

"Woops!" he yelled.

Lea's mentor had found a way up on the roof and he was tugging on Lea's leg from the other side, yelling at him to come down already.

"Idiot," Isa said under his breath, but smiled when Lea turned to face him one last time before he was pulled down from the roof.

"Wipe that smile off your face. I'm sure you won't be seeing him for a while with the beating he'll get for pulling stunts like that." Isa's mentor grabbed him by his arm and ushered him back into the line with the others.

It was probably not the right thing to do, but Isa felt relieved at the notion that Lea's punishment would keep him away from the annex for at least a while, maybe long enough for Isa to rid himself of the feelings that were slowly stirring into an uproar inside his chest.

 

**~o~**

Isa had gotten used to hearing the faint noises coming from the rooms around his. He had also learnt to block it out during the time he managed to keep Lea away, but it seemed to have been luck the first time because he wasn't succeeding in keeping the noise out now.

He tried to preoccupy himself with the pieces of fabrics that he had stolen from the workshop. He had sown most of them together and it was starting to look like a doll with two legs and one arm. He hadn't quite gotten to the head yet, only because he didn't have anything to make the hair with.

Maybe if he could find red yarn, he'd be able to complete the doll someday.

He put his half-done project aside and started with another doll, one that wouldn't remind him of Lea and his garish features.

What had possessed Lea to climb up the roof anyway? Did he have a phobia of not being seen or not being paid any attention for ten consecutive seconds?

Lea was apparently well-known amongst the teachers at the school. He often got in trouble for a multitude of reasons, but it was all attributed to his boyish nature, which was essentially his saving grace. If the teachers had seen it any other way, Lea would have been left to fend for himself, unless they had the mercy to put an end to him instead of sending him out into a life that was completely unknown to him.

He was just a bizarre guy, Isa thought and tried not to think too much about how easy it would be to convince Lea that he maybe didn't fit here, that he should think about leaving, preferably in Isa's company.

The knocking on the door completely passed him by, he was too concentrated on finishing the not-yet-doll and he didn't want to break his focus now that he couldn't hear the noise from the neighboring rooms, but once the door was pulled aside, he had to look up.

"Hey," Lea said with a painful smile as he stepped inside the room and sat down with a small grunt.

His upper lip was swollen and he had a faint bruise on the left half of his face that turned into a swelling right around his eye. He didn't look away when Isa's mouth fell open at the sight of him, he just chuckled and moved in closer, curiously looking at the pieces of fabric laying around Isa before he looked back up again.

"I didn't think I'd get to go out tonight, but I was only good for a beating today. I have to tell you something that is going to blow you away!"

"What happened to your face?" Isa kept his hands firmly against his sides so he wouldn't reach out and touch Lea's bruised face, but that was perhaps not the best of ideas. Seeing Lea's bruises made him feel sick and maybe if he could just touch it, it wouldn't be as bad.

"I got beat up. The face is for not listening to my mentor when he told me to get off the roof and the beating with a stick on my back for walking the line on the roof. You better soak this image in. These bad boys will be gone by the end of the week." Lea laughed softly at his own comment, but it quickly faded when he saw the bewildered look in Isa's eyes as he kept on staring at his bruises. "C'mon, now. It's not nearly as bad as it looks."

Isa nodded slowly and forced himself to look somewhere else.

"Listen, if it's any consolation, every time I get beaten up like this, there's an immediate compensation."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" Lea reached for the back of his neck slowly, but gave up on his habit of scratching his neck sheepishly when the bruises on his back hurt too much. "I can show you today's compensation, it's what I wanted to talk to you about actually. Come." He grabbed a hold of Isa's sleeve and led him to the small window and quickly pulled the paper-shutter aside and climbed out through.

Isa didn't have the heart to say no. Not when Lea looked up at him through his swollen eye and still managed to look excited about what he was going to show Isa.

"Don't be scared, okay? Just follow my lead. I promise, it'll be worth your while."

And Isa followed Lea, even when Lea climbed up on a low part of the roof and helped him up, Isa followed. He had to close his eyes tightly when he first caught a glimpse of the ground below, and he took a deep breath to not think of what could happen if he slipped and fell.

"Hold on tightly, okay? And don't close your eyes, silly. Your chances of staying on are higher if you see what you're doing."

Isa gulped and opened his eyes slowly, just in time to feel a chilly breeze pass through, and he shuddered as he looked down on his hands on the black tile.

"I thought you'd like to see what's beyond these walls. What better way is there other than climbing up the highest thing there is, huh? Isa, look…"

The height wasn't as bad the further away his focus point went, not that it was something that he thought of consciously once he looked at the view that lay ahead. His heart pounded hard in his chest at the sight of the tree tops stretching up to the sky but not even surpassing the hill the school lay on, and he couldn't hold back a soft laugh of relief when he saw the large gates that hid a road out. The road disappeared into the dense forest, but once he looked down the valley, he could see that it continued for miles until it turned into a small lump of light in the middle of nowhere.

Isa could only stare at it with awe.

A village. Maybe it had been his hometown for a short period of his life, even it wasn't, he would have had to pass through there to come here.

"What do you think? You like it?" Lea was smiling. He knew already that Isa liked it. It showed, Isa was certain that it did. He could barely see through the tears accumulating in his eyes, and even in bliss, he tried to hold them back.

"In daylight, you can see a lake over there. If the mountains weren't in the way, you'd get to see Radiant Garden in the horizon, but I guess we'll have to figure out another way to see that."

"Thank you."

"Sure, anytime. What are friends for?" Lea nodded slowly in the silence that followed while he scratched at the tile underneath his fingers absentmindedly. "This makes a good place for kissing, too bad I have a fat lip," he laughed, glancing at Isa to see if he'd join in only to hear him give a weak chuckle in response.

"I'm kidding," he added quickly.

"Right. We should probably head down before we fall off."

"Alright. You up for some card games?"

Lea filled every moment of possible silence with mindless chatter until the awkwardness of his joke became a distant memory to him. While they played card games, he'd get excited as soon as he made a winning move, but moan as soon as it looked like he'd lose. Isa tried not to find amusement in the subtle changes in Lea's already warped expressions when he tried to outsmart Isa without right out accusing him of cheating. It was difficult, and once Lea had worn himself out and fallen asleep on the floor, laying on his side to avoid upsetting his bruises, Isa decided that this had to end before he seriously caused Lea any hurt.

 

**~o~**

Thursday mornings began with learning how to arrange different bouquets of flowers depending on the occasion and season of the year. The women of the second group were usually in charge of keeping the flowers in the castle fresh and up to date for the King and his court.

Isa was certain that he wouldn't feel such distaste for flowers if it wasn't for these classes. The strong smell from each bouquet was worse than preparing to go to the annex. Preparation always required a bath in rose water, flowery perfume and soap while their clothes were left in a room with incense, and yet these flowers managed to stink more than all of those things combined.

"You place the Baby's Breaths between every other Hortensia when the Hortensia's are a light purple. When the Hortensias are white, the Baby's Breaths are put in the middle." His mentor paced at the front of the room. Everyone called her Miss Hanako. Her body was lean and petite, and she moved about gently, always speaking in a low and slightly high-pitched voice, unless she saw someone run around on the roof.

Miss Hanako had danced for the King and his court, but it was said that her time at the castle had been short as she had fallen in love with a eunuch. Her assigned spouse had committed suicide once Miss Hanako's affair had been revealed to him, and without a spouse, Hanako could no longer stay at the castle.

Isa wasn't sure if the story was true. Miss Hanako didn't look like someone who had lost her spouse, she didn't look like someone who had lost a love he had risked everything for either, but then again, how would Isa know how that would look like?

"Doesn't the bouquet smell nice? The late Queen enjoyed these bouquets in the castle. She would walk down the long hallways and bask in the beauty of the flowers, which sadly caused her to be late to her appointments." Miss Hanako giggled softly and was joined by the class.

Isa frowned at the strong smell of honey from the Baby's Breaths. How could such small flowers smell so strongly and sweetly?

"Miss Hanako, did King Ansem not give the Dragon Princess of the Southern Kingdom a bouquet of Baby's Breaths?"

"Yes, he did. At their first meeting for a peace treaty, King Ansem gave the Dragon Princess a bouquet of Baby's Breaths."

"Do they not represent everlasting love, pureness and innocence?"

Hanako smiled softly and hummed as she searched for the best way to formulate himself. "King Ansem didn't give that bouquet to the Dragon Princess as a personal gift. The Kingdom of Radiant Garden gave that bouquet to the Southern Kingdom as a gesture of peace."

"So King Ansem still loved the Queen then? How did the King fall out of love, Miss Hanako? Does it happen often?"

Miss Hanako watched her students look at her intently, waiting for answers to the questions that were born out of the fear of one day having to be abandoned by their spouses. Even Isa looked up, paying more attention than he had ever done in a flower arrangement class.

How do people fall out of love? Miss Hanako couldn't deny that it happened often. There were already two examples of it; the King and Miss Hanako herself. Nothing guaranteed his students a fateful partner, nothing guaranteed them love even if their partners stayed by their side, but too much knowledge was a gateway for doubt, and Miss Hanako couldn't have her students doubt their relationships when they had to be under the impression that their relationships were absolute.

"It doesn't happen often, but when it does, the stories of it spread amongst people to instill fear in those who know how to love." Miss Hanako put her hands together and smiled wider. "But no silly talk now, girls. We are going to the main house for rehearsal. I'm certain that the other group has found out already. Your spouses must be eagerly waiting. Let's move along."

"Yes, Miss Hanako," the class answered in unison.

They got up onto their feet, everyone making sure that their clothes were positioned correctly before they followed their mentor out on the porch from where they could hear the petrels chirp.

"Isa, do you think we will get to see your spouse balancing on the roof again?" Ayaka turned to Isa, her eyes wide with excitement for the rehearsal. Ayaka, much like Miss Hanako and everyone else in Isa's group, spoke in a slightly higher tone than they were meant to, and in their company, Isa did too.

He had never thought much about it. It wasn't one of the things that bothered him about the role he had to play. But he knew that he sounded different when he spoke with Lea, and it scared him to think that he could be so different depending on his company without even thinking about it.

"I hope not."

"Of course, no one would want their spouse getting in trouble. Was he severely punished?"

"…Yes, he was…"

"Do not worry, Isa. I am certain that he feels much better now. Have you seen him since?" Ayaka smiled at him compassionately and placed her hand onto Isa's shoulder softly.

"Yes, he came by that same day."

"Did he really?" Kaoru joined the conversation after having listened to it from the very beginning from where she walked behind Isa. "Did he sneak past the guards?"

"I…don't know. He said that he was allowed to visit me."

"Oh, to think that he would muster the strength to go and see you even after being punished. He must have done it so you wouldn't be worried. I can only hope that my spouse would do the same for me. You are lucky that he got a chance to prove himself so early on," Kaoru said with a small and gentle wave of her hand.

"I guess that I am." Isa looked ahead when he heard voices come from the courtyard ahead.

The young men were standing outside the main house when Group Two arrived. Some were reenacting a battle with swords, some were stretching while others were wrestling.

Isa looked for any sign of Lea, but found himself disappointed when Lea was nowhere to be found. Had he gotten in trouble again?

"Miss Hanako!" One of the young men hurried up to them and bowed before he continued. "Master Keichi has misplaced the books we were going to use today so we were asked to wait outside while he searched for them. I am certain that he would appreciate your assistance in the search. The girls can wait here on the porch, unless they are granted permission to join us out on the courtyard?"

"The girls may join you, but remember, always treat them as flowers. I don't want any sand on their clothes or bruises on their bodies. I'm trusting you on this, Hiroshi."

"Yes, Miss Hanako. I will not let you down."

Hiroshi helped the girls down from the porch. As soon as Isa was in the courtyard he hurried around the house to see if Lea was there, hiding while doing something he shouldn't. He hoped he was. Isa might not want him close, but he didn't want Lea to be constantly beaten up either.

Behind the house stood a homemade tightrope. It wasn't high. It stretched about three or four feet over the ground, but keeping balance on it was certainly a tough challenge anyway.

Lea stood with his back to Isa on the tightrope. He took a deep breath and walked on the thin piece of wood, hoping to make it to the other side. He was mumbling to himself while he walked and Isa moved closer to hear what he was saying, but he failed to make out any words.

"Lea, what are you doing?"

In hindsight, he probably should have given Lea a warning that he was there. It was easy for Isa to forget that they spent most of their time apart when Lea was constantly on his mind. Sadly, Lea was the one who had to pay for the reminder.

Isa could only hold his hands over his mouth in shock when Lea lost his balance and ended up taking a hit right between his legs before he rolled off the tightrope and onto the ground where he curled up into fetal position.

"Lea!" Isa ran up to him and tried to get him to lay on his back, but Lea was only rocking slightly, wriggling his feet in an attempt to shake the pain off. "Are you okay?"

"I think I just castrated myself. I'm a eunuch," he said with a groan. "Sweet Heavens, it hurts. I'm gonna throw up."

"Just breathe. Look at me and breathe. See? Inhale…and exhale." Isa breathed with Lea, exaggerating the process a bit to have Lea do the same. "Better?"

"Yeah, it's better. Hee-hee-hoo, hee-hee-hoo…"

"You're not giving birth, Lea."

Lea laughed, curling up further to rest his forehead against Isa's knee. He was lucky that he wasn't laughing in a falsetto. The fall had looked painful, but at least he was recuperating quickly. After a few moments, Lea tried to sit up slowly while cursing every deity he could think of to lessen the lingering pain.

"How long were you standing there?" He asked finally.

"Not long at all."

"You heard anything?"

"I just heard you mumbling. What was it about? And no weird jokes," Isa quickly added when he caught the mischievous glint in Lea's eyes.

"Well, in that case I don't know what to tell ya."

"How about the truth?"

"There's a time and place for the truth and now isn't it," Lea smiled when Isa rolled his eyes at the quotation from the book they spent hours on memorizing. "Alright, let's jump back on the horse." Lea got up onto his feet and walked back to the tightrope.

"Are you out of your mind? You just fell!"

"As the one who took a blow to the crown jewels, I know, but if I stopped doing stuff just cause I took a hit here and there, I'd be nestled in my futon at the back of a closet. C'mon, get on the other side."

"Why?"

"I need an incentive to get to the other side," he explained with slight frustration as he wagged his head side to side.

"I won't feel sorry for you if you fall again," Isa said with feigned nonchalance, but got to the other side of the tightrope anyway.

"I can live with that. But I'm sure that you'll come running for me, worried out of your mind if I fall," Lea teased with a chuckle at Isa's unpleased frown.

"I would not!"

"Wuah!" Lea almost tipped over, but flailed with his arms to stand on the tightrope. Isa launched forward with Lea's name on the tip of his tongue, but swallowed it with a short moment of contempt when Lea stood up easily again and laughed aloud at having proven his point.

"You're mean."

Lea skipped ahead on the tightrope with light steps and a wide grin on his face, and it made Isa contemplate giving the tightrope just a brief shake to give Lea a scare, but Lea made it to the other side before he could and he jumped down beside Isa and bowed deeply.

"Thank you for your assistance, my lovely lady."

"I'm not yours," Isa answered quickly, not sure whether he intended for it to hurt Lea or not.

"Right. Sorry." Lea's expression faltered and to hide it, he walked back to his end of the tightrope with slumped shoulders. When he looked back up at Isa, he was smiling again. "Get up on the tightrope," he said and climbed up.

"Why?"

"Pretty please get on the tightrope."

"You're not going to push me off of it, are you?" Isa narrowed his eyes at Lea.

"No!" Lea laughed. "Just get up and walk towards me. Trust me, it'll be fun. And take off your shoes. Are you wearing something underneath that long robe?"

"Of course I am."

"You might wanna take off the robe then. It'll be easier to balance without unnecessary weight."

Isa stood with bare feet on the sandy ground and he tugged on the silken belt as he thought about whether he should take the robe off or not. He felt flustered and he hated the way his heart started to beat faster in his chest as soon as he visualized himself standing there with so much out in the open, even with the white layered robe he was wearing underneath with sleeves that only came to his elbows.

"Isa…" Lea sighed. "Look, I have wrists, just like you. Are you jumping me for having my wrists out for everyone to see?"

"W-what?"

"All I'm saying is that I'm more likely to jump your bones for blushing like that than for showing me your wrists, if that's what's worrying you." Lea said with a shrug and tried to stifle his amusement when Isa tried to cover his embarrassment with anger.

"Of course I'm not worried!" He announced loudly. "Why would I be? We're friends, right? Friends don't _jump_ each other."

"Exactly," Lea agreed. "So you're taking off the robe?"

"Absolutely not."

Isa stepped up on the tightrope and struggled with balance for a moment before he managed to stand up right, stretching his arms out like he had seen Lea do. He looked down to see where to put his feet, but his attention was quickly called back to Lea who made an admonishing sound with a cluck of his tongue.

"Don't look down."

"Why not?"

"Because what you see underneath isn't the ground. There's no heaven or earth when you walk the line, only an abyss."

"That's not encouraging."

"No, but it'll definitely keep you on the line."

Isa sighed and closed his eyes, visualizing the line ahead. There's no heaven or earth, only an abyss, he repeated quietly to himself.

"You might want to have your eyes open for this, Isa, unless you want to take a hit down south."

He sounded confident that Isa would listen to his advice, but Isa felt like he had been challenged, and with the memory of Lea's successful attempt to make him blush fresh in his mind, Isa felt that he had to put Lea back in place. He closed his eyes tightly and walked carefully down the tightrope until Lea's shadow blocked him from the sun on the sky and he looked up. Lea stood right there, his mouth hanged open slightly while he stared at Isa with wide eyes.

"Think you can do that?" Isa asked.

"With eyes closed." Lea said with a chuckle, looking Isa right in the eye. "Running was the way he dreamed," he said in a low voice when Isa didn't move away.

"What?"

"Having never been in control of his own life, his idea of freedom was simply to break free." Lea had already caught the recognition in Isa's eyes at hearing the obscure quote from one of the older books they had been introduced to. The quote wasn't complete. Lea knew that too, it was clear that he had more to say, but Hiroshi came calling for them and as soon as he showed up around the corner, both Lea and Isa were ready to leave.

"Hey, class is about to start. C'mon!"

They hurried back to the main house's entrance. Lea dusted himself off before stepping inside the house, and Isa quickly tied the laces of his sandals before Miss Hanako and Master Keichi finished counting the books on the desk.

All things considered, Lea wasn't that bad, Isa thought while glancing at Lea who sat right beside him. Sure, he had a lot of qualities that should outweigh most of the good ones that Isa had seen; he was obnoxious, a troublemaker, stubborn, and judging by Lea's total indifference when he received his copy of the Book of a Thousand Cries, he was cocky too, thinking that he had already memorized it.

But Isa couldn't say that it mattered much, not when Lea managed to find the words that had formed his way of thinking and say it back to him in a way that reminded him that he was still alive and still yearning to be free.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: Tamisin, The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings for this chapter: None  
> Credit for quote used in this chapter: "I Walk The Line", Johnny Cash, 1956.  
> "Running was the way he dreamed [...]" - Enchantment [1999], Orson S. Card

* * *

The only thing worse than having to memorize books was cleaning the main house, the training hall and the porches that bind them together. There were almost forty students doing the cleaning, and yet it took nearly half a day to get everything clean enough to please Master Keichi.

Lea stood up and stretched his back with a foul glare at the once white rag that he had left by his feet.

Cain came rushing down the same porch, bent over the rag as he pushed forward with his feet. "C'mon, Lea. The faster we work, the faster we'll finish up here."

Lea got onto his hands and walked forward, his feet straight up in the air, and he could already sense the scowl on Cain's face when he stood up and crossed his arms.

"Look! Bet you can't do this." Lea said with a chuckle as he walked back and forth in front of Cain.

"I don't have time for your stupid bets, Lea. Get back to work if you don't want to get punished."

"A short break has never hurt anyone!" Lea called after Cain who rushed down the porch again, ignoring Lea's attempt to convince him to stay and maybe have a chat, but then again, that's what Cain always did. Lea took his rag, mumbling to himself under his breath.

Isa would have taken that bet. He would protest at first, but even so, he'd do it to show Lea that he could do just as much as Lea could, if not more. But fun wasn't something that meant the same to everyone, Lea had discovered, and his comrades were certainly anything but fun.

After cleaning came the memorizing. They would sit in the main house, twenty students by twenty desks. They were given an hour to memorize a poem and then recite it in class with right intonation and rhythm. Everyone had their favorite poems already, some could even recite whole pages of poems, and they even enjoyed the stories told of the Royal Family.

Lea struggled. Reading wasn't nearly as much fun as some made it out to be. He remembered trying to make himself recognize each symbol and its correct pronunciation, but whenever he looked at the text, the symbols would jump around to switch places with other symbols, and the more Lea tried to make sense of it, the more the symbols distorted themselves until there was nothing left to make sense of.

It got worse when he'd hear Master Keichi stand up and walk over to read the poem over his shoulder. The symbols became nothing but a blur. He knew that he would get beaten if he didn't say it right. He'd be accused of not trying hard enough and for mocking the works of their ancestors. He had tried telling his teachers about the way the symbols jumped around, but after his second beating he learned to simply endure the first and hope that he'd learn to read like everyone else as soon as possible.

Lea flipped through the book on his desk until he got to the page he had marked a few days ago. The book wasn't entirely without charm. He had found things in it that reminded him of Isa, things that made it easier to understand him.

Seeing Isa recognize the same words that had stuck with him was probably the most beautiful sight this book had ever offered him, and it made memorizing them that much easier.

"Running was the way he dreamed." Lea mouthed the words quietly to not break the silence in the room. The symbols he wanted to read seemed to have trouble escaping when he calmly read aloud.

When the time came to recite his chosen poem, he thought of how he would like it to sound when he recited it for Isa. Though he wasn't allowed to close his eyes, he could still vividly see the small frown on Isa's face as he began to speak, and then, as he took a planned breath, how Isa's expression would slowly soften until he had to struggle to hide it.

It wasn't a flawless recital, but at least it wasn't so bad that it earned him a beating.

**~o~**

The evenings had become something to look forward to; Lea knew that even if he didn't get to see Isa during the day, he'd get to be with him all night.

Isa was still playing mind-games with him though. Sometimes he was cold and distant without giving Lea an explanation why. Other times he wasn't as cold, which were the times Lea preferred.

The others in his group teased him when he got back to the dorm with bags under his eyes from refusing to sleep. He knew what they thought happened. They weren't afraid to slap him on the back with proud grins and a wink while congratulating him on finally getting his spouse under control.

Lea knew what Isa would think if he ever heard the things they said, but he didn't do anything to correct his comrades. He let them believe that everything was going as planned, that Isa had warmed up to him the way it was thought a wife should with her husband. Lea could only hope that his relationship with Isa wasn't considered juicy gossip. Isa was still unsure of their friendship, and Lea didn't want to give him reasons to pull away.

"Hey, we're ready to leave. Are you coming or what?" Cain called from the porch impatiently.

"Uh, you can go ahead. I still have to…groom."

There was a bag filled with yarn that he had hidden beneath a loose floorboard that he was trying to pull out. Isa might not respond well to flowers, but he liked receiving yarn and small pieces of fabric. Lea had yet to see him make anything out of it, but he didn't mind going a lifetime without seeing something made as long as he got to see Isa's smile whenever he dug around in the bags that Lea brought for him.

Once Lea found the bag, he hid it well and hurried to the annex. The teacher guarding the entrance nodded in a greeting as he wrote Lea's name in the thick book in front of him.

Lea knew his way around these corridors. He could find the correct door blindfolded, and maybe he should someday, just to once be greeted with a smile when he stepped inside the small room.

"I have something for you," he said as soon as he sat down.

Lea had rolled up the bag tightly so it would fit inside his sleeve and he reached for it slowly.

He was sitting near the paper door and Isa was on the other side of the small room. Most nights started out like this. Isa would keep his distance as if he spent the whole day forgetting that he had agreed to be friends. He'd look at Lea with a stern face, his hands folded neatly onto his lap, and though he didn't wear makeup anymore, he still managed to look like a porcelain doll.

"What is it?" Isa leaned forward cautiously when Lea turned the bag upside-down.

Time had made it easier to reassure Isa that he could be whoever he wanted to be in Lea's presence. He only needed a glimpse of the red yarn to forget that he, much like every other night, wanted to keep Lea as far away from him as the room would allow.

"You remembered," Isa said in a soft mumble as he took the small ball of yarn in his hand.

"Of course I did, you only mentioned it yesterday."

"Turn around," Isa got up on his feet and walked over to the other side of the room again. "Don't look until I tell you to."

"Isa, damn it, I've told you time and time again, there's nothing you have that I haven't seen already…!"

"Turn around," Isa said again in a calm voice, and Lea rolled his eyes as he turned to face the door with a pout.

He heard Isa move around the room before he sat down with a sigh. He thought that he might be able to figure out what Isa was being secretive about if he focused on the small rustling noises, but he hadn't counted on it being so quiet that he could hear all the fun from the neighboring rooms. Laughter, giggles, talking, and one and another noise that he'd rather not think about.

It was difficult enough avoiding inappropriate thoughts when he was constantly reminded of what everyone else had and what he could only dream of at this rate. There was something else he wanted above else though, something that seemed to have been with him from the second he had crawled out on the porch that one day when he first saw Isa and thought of him as his. He wanted to reach out and hold Isa's hand, to find out whether he was warm or cold and if his hands were as soft as he imagined them to be.

All details had escaped his mind when he'd embraced Isa out in the cold night. All he could remember was that flowery fragrance that lay thick like smoke in the annex. That wasn't Isa's scent, and Lea wanted to come close enough to feel it. He wanted to wash away the smell of flowers the same way he had managed to rid Isa of the makeup that had kept him from seeing his real face for a moment in time.

Lea looked to his side when he saw a moving shadow on the paper door. He turned around to face Isa, and he moved back slightly when he saw Isa hold up a small doll of himself.

It was wearing similar clothes to what Isa was wearing - it even had small crocheted sandals - and the doll's hair was tied in a simple ponytail. There was only one detail Lea wished to remove: the pale mask with a faint blush.

"What's the matter?" the doll asked.

Lea shook his head slowly with a soft smile, and just as he decided to say something, Isa reached for a doll with fiery red hair that was wearing the mask of a fool, and Lea found himself chuckling at the look Isa had given him.

He took the doll of himself and saw that there was room for his thumb and index finger inside the sleeves of the doll. He sat it down on the floor next to Isa's and made one of the doll's arms reach out to gently caress the face of Isa's doll.

"I wish you'd take off your mask when you're with me," Lea said in a low voice and watched Isa move his doll away slightly.

"There's nothing behind the mask."

"I think there is."

Lea moved the mask of his doll and was relieved to see that there was a face behind it. His doll was smiling underneath the mask. His eyes had a certain sparkle to them, and Lea had to turn the doll to see all the details Isa had worked into it with a gulp.

"Is this how you see me?"

"It's not how _I_ see you, it's how you are."

"Wanna know a secret?"

Isa nodded.

"I only feel like this around you."

Lea contemplated reaching out for Isa's hand that was so close to his, but instead he clenched his hand into a fist when Isa's smile turned into a subtle scoff.

"Do you even know why you're here?"

"Because I want to, and because you finally let me."

"Five visits, that's how many times they've calculated it takes for Group One to fall in love. That's what they keep track of in that book of theirs. That's what we're brought up to be, we're meant to be seductive and to fit in this setting. Why else would they bother bringing us fine meals and dressing us in silk robes night after night?"

Isa was serious. This was something that had been occupying his mind for days on end, and it tormented him to have come to the conclusion that he could never hope to be more than an accessory. It was his life, and though Lea had tried to imagine living a different one, he found it difficult to understand what was so wrong with this one that it would make Isa want to discard it completely.

And so, he did the only thing he knew how.

"Are you telling me that we could've ordered nice meals to the room all this time?"

"…what?"

Their eyes met just briefly when Isa looked back at Lea, his trail of thoughts momentarily broken.

"It's a joke. That was a joke," Lea quickly explained when he saw the first hints of a frown on Isa's face.

"Doesn't it concern you?"

"Doesn't what concern me?"

"This! That we're being coerced into something that we aren't, that you'd think that you want to be here when maybe you'd prefer to be somewhere else entirely…"

Lea sat up straight, moving the arms of his doll around with a quick look before letting a sigh out.

"I'm pretty sure that I'd be here regardless if I was coerced or not."

"Liar."

"Why does it bother you? I haven't done anything that suggests that I'm in love with you, right? We're past five visits, we're not doing anything that we're 'supposed to do', so stop dwelling on it."

Would it really be that bad to just go with the flow and fall in love? Lea tried not to glare in Isa's direction, even though Isa seemed busy counting the straws in the braided floor. He couldn't help but wonder if Isa knew how offensive it was to Lea to constantly see doubt cloud Isa's eyes whenever he appeared in his periphery. It wasn't so much the falling in love bit that bothered Isa, Lea had long decided. It was falling in love with _him_ that made Isa uneasy, because who would want an obnoxious blabbermouth as a life partner?

_Sorry you're stuck with me._ He wanted to say it out loud, to see if he could make Isa feel bad for questioning their purpose, but he would much rather lead Isa into his arms and murmur words of comfort against the shell of his ear as he brushed his hair back gently, and he stopped to think if this really wasn't his fifth visit after all.

"All the world's a stage…" Lea began with a shrug. "…and all the men and women are merely players."

"What role do you play?"

"Whichever role you want me to play."

_As long as it makes me indispensable._

Isa tilted his head to the side, drawing invisible squiggles on the floor with his index finger. "Does that mean that there isn't a real you?"

"There is a real me, but I don't think you're ready to meet him yet."

"Why not?"

"Because, he doesn't understand that you've got to be earned. He doesn't know that we're not your sun and moon yet, and that would cause us both quite an embarrassment. You and me, I mean."

Lea smiled when he noticed a faint blush on Isa's cheeks, but his smile quickly faltered when Isa looked back down onto the floor and fidgeted with his fingers, reminding Lea that flirting was probably not a smart thing to do now.

"That was another joke," Lea quickly added and gulped at the silence that followed.

"You're really bad at jokes," Isa said finally with a soft smile.

"Yeah, that's what I've heard." Lea laughed and scratched the back of his neck. "Let's go outside. I'm burning up in here."

"We'll get in trouble," was Isa's automated answer, though they both knew that he would gladly follow.

"C'mon, live a little! We'll just stay right outside. No one's gonna notice. Trust me."

It didn't take much convincing to get Isa climb after him out to the small space between the annex and the high stone wall surrounding the school.

The night sky was clear and in the dim light from the torches on the other side, they could see the stars shine together with the full moon. It wasn't as cold as the night Lea had given in to the idea of giving Isa flowers. There was no chilly breeze, and the tranquil open space made it so much easier to breathe.

"Hey, Isa, bet you can't do this." Lea walked ahead to the tiled ground and looked to see if there were any teachers around. Once he made sure that they were alone, he reached his hands up and cartwheeled gracefully across the distance that he had walked and stopped one foot away from Isa with a proud smile.

"You'll bring me more yarn if you lose the bet?" He asked with confidence.

"Yeah, sure. If I lose the bet."

Isa stepped back and rolled up his sleeves without a second thought. He took a deep breath and reached his hands up as he calculated the distance between him and Lea.

Once his hands touched the tiled ground there was no stopping him. It was amazing to see how his body bent when he cartwheeled rapidly over the paved ground towards him. He did a small jump right before he landed on his feet just a few inches away from Lea.

"You owe me some yarn."

Lea closed his mouth and thought of looking away, but there was something about that small smile on Isa's lips when he proudly announced that he had surpassed Lea's expectations, and that confidence in his beautiful eyes was so much better than the doubt and suspicion that otherwise clouded them.

"Your ponytail's coming undone." Lea brushed a stray hair away from Isa's face tentatively, bracing himself for when Isa pulled away. It seemed like he contemplated to move for a second, but instead he leaned in to the touch, and this time it was Lea who pulled away first.

"You weren't meant to be like this," Isa said finally.

"What?" Lea regretted looking back at Isa. He lost his nerve when he realized that this might be the moment that Isa validated everything Lea thought he knew about Isa's feelings.

"I thought you'd be the last nail in my coffin. I was afraid that you'd force me to be everything I hate, and that I wouldn't be strong enough to stand against you on top of everything else."

"But...?" Lea breathed and hoped that he didn't look too happy about where this was going.

"But I find myself looking forward to seeing you. You're fun to be around."

"And?"

"And I cheat when we play Go Fish..."

"Yeah, I know that. You're not subtle," Lea smiled and pulled on his sleeves absentmindedly. "I like you. A lot. I'd just like to know what's stopping you from feeling the same for me."

"I already told you."

"Well, tell me again, because I don't understand."

"I'm going to leave this place."

"I'll leave with you."

"No, you won't. You like it here."

"Not more than I like you," Lea sighed. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't see much of a point to living a life outside these walls, but I don't see much of a point to living on this side of the walls, either. When we went up onto the roof and I showed you the view, I couldn't believe how much it meant to you. I've seen it a thousand times and I never once stopped to appreciate the meaning of it, not until I saw you look at it as if you were seeing everything you ever wanted from that roof top. Since that night I've been asking myself if I've ever wanted something or someone just as badly as you want to leave, and I think it's you. If you go, I'll follow, whether you like it or not."

"Well…" Isa began with a sigh and shrugged in feigned resignation, "I guess I'll have to get used to you then."

"I thought you had gotten used to me already," Lea said with a pout.

Isa hurried to him and grabbed his hand, smiling brightly. It seemed like such a natural thing to do too. He twined his fingers around Lea's lazy ones and pulled him back around the annex to where Lea had last climbed up to the roof.

Isa's hand was surprisingly warm. It wasn't as soft as he had imagined it to be. This wasn't the hand of someone who sat around and did nothing but maybe sow and cook. The palm of his hand and the tips of his fingers were slightly rough as if he had spent the day with a wet rag in his hands, racing down the wooden porches to clean them from the dust and sand that accumulated from the courtyard.

"Lea, you have to let go of my hand to climb up here."

"Oh, right."

Isa climbed up ahead. He was careful with where he put his hands and feet. He seemed to be having second thoughts once he was up on the top of the roof, deciding to sit with one leg on each side of the roof so he wouldn't risk falling backwards.

"Hey…" Lea said softly to Isa who, much like last time, looked intently at the roof beneath his hands so he wouldn't mistakenly look down at the ground.

"What?"

"You always look ahead when you're up on the line. Never look down."

"I can't help it. Being up here makes it feel like the ground is pulling me down."

Lea inched in closer, bumping his head against Isa's gently. Was it too early to say that this was the happiest he had ever been? How many years had gone by since the day he had first seen Isa out on the courtyard? Five, he reminded himself, and it had been two years since they officially met. Time sure flew by while chasing a dream with a will of its own.

He knew better than to take this moment for granted. Appreciation seemed to have been his life lesson since he met Isa, and Lea knew that Isa's mood changed depending on his doubts, making each moment anything but everlasting. He knew he would have to fight to maintain this, and there was nothing that seemed more worthy to fight for than his relationship with Isa.

"Isa, you're not falling asleep, are you?" Isa's breath was warm against the nape of Lea's neck. Isa moved slightly and shook his head. "Maybe we should go back down if you're sleepy?"

"I'm not tired."

Lea brushed Isa's hair back, gently sitting him back up straight. "This is a great place to kiss…" he said idly as if the phrase had been stuck there since the last time they were there. He hadn't expected anything to come out of it, he had barely heard himself say it.

"Yeah…" he heard Isa agree softly, looking at Lea expectantly.

Lea closed his eyes and in a split second he heard all the advice on kissing he had overheard while his comrades got ready for their visits to the annex. He tilted his head to his left and leaned in for their first kiss, but he didn't get very far when his eyes suddenly filled with tears at the head-on impact with Isa's face.

"Ow," he heard Isa say as he sat back, rubbing his nose.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see where I was going. I thought you'd go right…or give me a slap in the face…" Lea laughed as he rubbed his nose too.

"I did go right, didn't I?" Isa laughed with him, neither of them were entirely sure if they were laughing because it was funny or because they were nervous.

"Do I get another try?" Lea asked sheepishly.

"Yeah." Isa smiled.

Lea had cupped his face with his hands and as soon as Isa said 'yes', he dove in for a kiss and felt a soft yelp against his lips when Isa was taken by surprise. "Sorry," he mumbled and kissed Isa again slowly, waiting for Isa to mimic him.

Their second attempt wasn't nearly as clumsy as their first, and though Lea didn't quite dare to cross the boundaries of their innocent kisses, his heart beat hard in his chest.

"I want to show you something," Lea said, slightly out of breath as he sat back. "Just stay here." He got up onto his feet, balancing on the narrow strip of flat roof.

"Lea…" Isa looked at him with worry.

"I'll be fine. I've been practicing. This is a bit of an interpretive number, but I think you'll get it." Lea got onto the other side of the roof, which was at least twenty-six feet away. He pulled out a dark scarf from his sleeve and tied it over his eyes in two layers.

"Lea, you're gonna fall off. You said yourself that I have to keep my eyes open up here."

But Lea wasn't listening anymore. He took a deep breath and headed forward, blind to everything.

"As sure as night is dark and day is light, I keep you on my mind both day and night…"

Lea walked with his arms stretched wide, putting one foot in front of the other, reciting one of the poems King Ansem had written in a letter to the Dragon Princess of the Southern Kingdom. It had been eternalized in the Book of A Thousand Cries. It was one of the lesser-known poems, but Isa recognized it even without the pageantry it was associated with.

"…And happiness proves that it's right…" Lea paused. His lips trembled as he took two more steps towards Isa, and he gulped before he continued. "Because you're mine, I walk the line."

He stopped in front of Isa without much of a doubt about where he was. He reached his hand out and helped Isa up onto one foot.

"Lea," Isa began, ready to protest, but Lea interrupted him with a soft shush.

"Don't worry. I've seen you do more complicated stuff than standing on one foot on top of a roof."

Isa sighed and fell into silence, waiting for Lea to take the scarf off to see his face. "Aren't you taking that off?"

"You know what they say," Lea said with a smile when he heard a small chuckle that told him Isa knew what he was talking about.

"Even a blind man can follow the light home," they both said in unison.

"You're home to me, Isa. If you want to leave this place, I say let's do it." Lea sounded certain and confident, but he was hiding behind a mask that Isa needed to rid him of before he said anything in response.

He tugged at the scarf gently until it hung around Lea's neck and he brushed away some of Lea's bangs so nothing would be in the way of his face.

"You're scared," he whispered, looking Lea in the eye.

"Aren't you?"

"A little."

"He dreamed of being at the mercy of the wind, carried aloft and blown here and there, a life of unimaginable proportions, instead of always being part of someone else's purpose." Lea smiled. "That's you, isn't it?"

"Have you made it your mission to memorize obscure poems?" Isa asked instead of answering, and tried to mask his blushing cheeks by looking down at the roof again.

Lea laughed and quickly leaned in for a quick peck of a kiss. "Let's go back down before anyone sees us."

They slid down the roof slowly and jumped back onto firm ground.

Clouds had drifted over the sky, and in the distance an owl hooted in the otherwise quiet forest. They walked back to the corner of the annex where they would have to climb in through the window and back to the small room again, but before Lea could reach for the window to boost himself up, Isa put his hand on his arm to get his attention.

"I'm not yours," he said when Lea looked back at him, referring to the poem Lea had recited for him.

"I know." Lea tried not to look away and continue maintaining a nonchalant smile, but instead he cleared his throat and hurried back to the window. Isa reached out to grab his arm gently, and stopped him from climbing out again.

"But I wouldn't mind it if you'd be mine, too."

Lea took a second before he turned around to face Isa again. How could it be that one person could both break him and fix him right up in the same breath? Lea closed his eyes briefly at the insisting pounding in his chest. Isa had a way of shining a new light on words and expressions that Lea had never truly thought about. There was an obvious difference in asking Isa to be his, expecting Isa to turn him into the center of everything, and committing to do the same for him.

It was beautiful, and though Lea was certain that he would have become Isa's even without thinking about it, it became more deliberate when Isa asked for it.

Lea walked in closer, gripping the loose fabric around Isa's waist. He could feel Isa's breath against his lips, and it took all of Lea's self-control to stop himself from kissing him.

"Don't toy with me, Isa."

"Toy as in joke, you mean?"

"Yeah."

"I don't joke," Isa said with a low chuckle that resonated so pleasantly throughout Lea's body. Lea closed his eyes tightly, and with a gentle touch of his hand, he tilted Isa's head to the side ever so slightly before he closed the distance between them with a kiss that pulled a soft moan out of him.

Lea had never thought that he would be the first to break the kiss for air. He was lightheaded, he could feel his heartbeat all the way up to his neck, and he was feeling warm despite the chilly breeze. Isa kissed him again, leading him back in whenever he thought of stopping.

"Lea..." he murmured his name and gently nuzzled his face.

"I think you'd better go inside," Lea said, his voice shaky, but he held onto Isa for a bit longer. "I just need a minute. I'll be right up."

"Why?" Isa asked in a breath, slowly running his arms around Lea, and the tentative moan that Lea had to bite back when Isa pulled him in close had been answer enough.

"Just, trust me on this."

"You don't have anything I haven't seen before."

Lea leaned back slightly. He looked Isa right in the eye, uncertain that Isa knew what he was getting himself into or implying.

"Are you sure? I just, I don't want to ruin this. I've been waiting for you too long to let myself ruin this. If you ended up hating me..." Lea trailed off and simply hoped that the expression on his face was enough to show what he meant.

"Would you be mine if I were yours?" Isa asked again.

"Yes. Always...always..."

"Then yes, I'm sure."

Isa smiled softly when Lea kissed him on the tip of his nose and then gave him a gentle kiss on the lips, and then another and another until they suddenly stood propped up against the wall right by the window of Isa's room. They had to silence each other with every intimate touch, and struggle against gravity when needy murmurs and muffled moans nearly brought them both over the edge.

The words 'I love you' nearly passed Lea's lips that night, and though they didn't, he had a feeling Isa already knew.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta readers: Tamisin, The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings for this chapter: None

* * *

In the mornings, before the sun peaked through the valley, Isa would wake up to Lea tapping him on the nose while lazily brushing through Isa's hair and humming an ancient morning march. They didn't have to be up and ready until the teachers walked down the hallways and knocked harshly on the doors, but Lea wanted at least an hour with Isa before they had to part for the day.

They could lay in the warmth of their shared futon and share stories of their everyday life until it was time to leave. It soon became apparent that routine was a big part of their lives and it didn't take long before they started to cautiously plan their escape.

This morning was a bit different.

Isa hadn't thought about whether the men had to groom and prepare for their nightly visits at the annex. He assumed that Lea always looked the way he did even when he wasn't here, but a few locks of hair that were hidden beneath hair as straight as an arrow, revealed that Lea's hair curled when it got wet.

"Your hair's curly," Isa said while he twirled the lock of curly hair around his finger gently.

"Yeah." Lea smiled.

"Why do you iron it?"

"Why? It's the rules. My hair's all over the place if I don't iron it. You should've seen me when I was a kid. I was a ball of hair with legs. The teachers didn't like it at all."

"I like it."

"When we're out, I'll leave it as it is at least once a week. Deal?"

"Deal."

Isa moved in closer and ran his fingertips down Lea's back, feeling every trace of the scars that were left there from his punishments. He knew the stories behind each and every one of them. They were a map of Lea's past, and he would hopefully avoid gaining any new ones before they left.

Lea was an explosive rebel, Isa thought. He didn't fear his superiors as much as he should. Isa was different. He had never gotten in trouble, unlike Lea. Isa was silently rebellious by holding onto something he thought was right and rejecting the role that had been forced onto him. Maybe that was enough.

There were times he found himself envious of the scars Lea had to show for his strength. Isa wouldn't want to endure that kind of pain to put his beliefs to a test, and that fear made him weak. He wanted to ask Lea what made him certain enough in his opinions to stand up for them. From where did he draw the strength to not give into the thoughts and ideas of others? How could Isa find that same strength within himself?

"What are you thinking about?" Lea asked.

"Nothing."

"Don't lie. You're always thinking about something."

Isa only had to smile and place a soft kiss on Lea's lip to have his pout dissolve. Their common goal had calmed Lea. He had somewhere to channel his energy and he knew what he was working for. Lea's commitment was more than Isa could have ever hoped for, and though he relished in Lea's affection, it also scared him to think of how quickly he had gotten used to it.

**~o~**

The time the First and Second Group got to spend in each other's company had increased since their introduction. It had been barely noticeable at first, but now, when most students had reached the age of eighteen, it was important that they got along as a group.

When the teachers left them at the courtyard, the young women stood up on the porch, looking at the young men who were preparing to show off their strength in a battle with bamboo swords. The battle was rehearsed, and judging by the color on the bandanas they had all tied around their heads, it was obvious who was going to win. The young women seemed excited anyway, and most waved at their spouses as soon as they looked over, and there was always one or another giggle here and there once everyone picked up their swords and got to their marks.

"Army of Condors, let's defeat the Dragons!" Hiroshi roared and hit a big cymbal that was across from the porch.

Hiroshi's army of Condors replied with a battle cry loud enough to echo over the mountains beside their hill and frighten the birds on the trees nearby. Isa got chills as he watched the battle play out, and though he had looked down on it, he found himself wanting to participate. He saw Lea in the cloud of dust, fighting a Dragon soldier in a rehearsed dance that made him seem like a hardened warrior, a master in the art of killing as his enemy fell to the ground and he moved onto the next.

Isa wanted to be beside him in the fight, even though it wasn't a real one. He wanted bruises to show for his defiance, even if he got them in a battle with sticks. Isa wanted to be as strong as Lea.

The Army of Condors defeated the Dragon Army, and they held up their swords towards their General with a victory roar that was even more chilling than the battle cry. Hiroshi saluted them with a wide smile when the young women on the porch applauded their bravery and their short reenactment of one of the many battles between Northern and the Southern Kingdom.

"Master Keichi isn't here yet, so what do you say about another battle?" Hiroshi asked as he took a quick peek into the main house.

"It's not like him to be late," Cain said as he stood up from the ground and dusted off his clothes.

"Must be the new kids," Hiroshi said with a shrug. "Let's have another battle."

"Can I try something first?" Lea asked loudly and caught Hiroshi's attention.

"Try what?"

"You'll see."

"Alright." Hiroshi nodded and waited eagerly to see what outrageous thing Lea had come up with now, but the smile on his face quickly turned into a frown when Lea walked to the porch, holding an extra bandana, a bamboo sword, and a worn long-sleeved robe.

Lea looked up at Isa with a cocky grin.

"You wearing anything under that?" he nodded at the long, embroidered robe Isa was wearing. Isa looked around before he turned back to Lea, and he thought of protesting first. He shouldn't be attracting attention to himself, but he wanted to know what it was like to play with the other team, even if it was for a brief moment.

"Of course I am." Isa chuckled when Lea got up onto the porch and reached him the short robe that would make fighting a whole lot easier.

"Everyone look away!" Lea said with a laugh and held his arms out to cover Isa when he changed into the short robe. "Don't look at my spouse's wrists! They are just for me to see..." He turned his head slightly to see if anyone was taking him seriously, and he had to hold back a laugh at what he saw. "Gods, they're really looking away."

Isa tied the bandana around his head and grabbed the bamboo sword from Lea's hand. They both walked back to the courtyard with the whispering amongst the young women on the porch and confused looks from the young men around them.

"Lea, you can't fight a woman," Cain said with a frown. "You'll hurt her."

"I'm not made out of glass." Isa was quick to answer and it earned him a couple of foul glares from his group on the porch. A woman should always wait for her spouse to speak for her when she was in his company, the rules said, but he was breaking the rules already just by wearing the attire Lea had gotten for him. He saw no reason why he shouldn't break another one.

"Fight me," Lea stepped back and quickly raised his sword in a customary salute that Isa mimicked.

Isa was surprised to see that Lea's comrades stood back and stayed to watch the battle unfold with intrigued looks on their faces. He couldn't see what the others on the porch were doing, and frankly, he didn't care once Lea made the first move that he managed to block.

Lea was holding back at first, but each blow made it easier to make Lea forget that they had roles to play in front of all of these people, and it only made their play that much more interesting.

Isa pushed the sword back against Lea's when he came crashing against him, but in the same instant, Lea put his leg behind Isa's, and when he pushed harder, Isa fell onto the ground and found himself pinned down. Isa looked up at him with a chuckle. Lea had streaks of dirt on his face and his bangs were plastered against his forehead from sweating.

"You're not giving up now, are you? Fight." Lea got a split second to smile before Isa put his legs around Lea's waist and rolled over him, pressing his bamboo sword against Lea's throat gently.

"I win," Isa breathed.

"Yeah, you win," Lea agreed with a proud smile. He sat up when Isa stood up and offered Lea a helping hand.

Lea's comrades didn't seem to know what to think about the battle. It was clearly bothersome that Lea had fought his spouse _and_ let her win. Most of them looked over at Hiroshi and Cain in search for an appropriate reaction. Cain stepped forward, his bamboo sword still in his hand, the look of disapproval clear on his face.

"How do you expect to ever have control over your spouse if you let her believe there's ever a chance for her to win over you, Lea? In a battle of swords, no less. It's shameful."

"C'mon, Cain. What are you getting worked up for? It's not that big a deal." Lea dusted off his pants and looked up at Cain when he approached with a scowl.

"Not a big deal? You're mocking the very foundation of our beliefs, Lea. You have your spouse dress up like a man in front of all of us, and while she's in the colors of the Southern Kingdom, you let her defeat you. Don't you have respect for anything?"

Isa wanted to speak. He had a whole discourse for everything that annoyed and bothered him with what Cain was saying. By this point in life, the discourse was as rehearsed as the battle Group One had reenacted. There had been many times when he had forced himself to hold back his arguments for wanting to be treated like a person and not as they thought a woman should be treated, but he only had to draw a breath for Cain to turn an accusing finger at him.

"You are not to talk! You are a woman, damn it, and you don't meddle in discussions between men! How have you not learned that yet?" Cain looked back at Lea. "You're lucky we're not gonna tell Master Keichi about this, Lea. You know what he'd think of this. Tell your spouse to search herself for an ounce of dignity and get her back into her clothes before Master Keichi and Miss Hanako come back. I won't say it twice."

Something changed in Lea when Cain mentioned Master Keichi. Isa wasn't certain if it was fear or respect. He could only see Lea glare at Cain before he turned around to Isa, and a look was all it took for Isa to know that this wouldn't be his chance to rid himself of the discourse he had rehearsed for so long. He followed Lea back to the porch and into a small room where he changed back into his own clothes.

They didn't say anything before they walked back out, just in time to see Master Keichi hurry out of the main house and usher them all inside for class.

**~o~**

Spring seemed near, yet so far away. The little amount of snow that had fallen had already melted. Most snow fell on the mountains during winter, except for every fourth year when they basically had to dig themselves out of the house. It rained a lot during spring. Sometimes it could rain for days. During those days they could hear a waterfall in the distance that wasn't there any other time of the year.

The winter coldness was still in the air, and Isa shivered as he sat on the roof, looking up at the stars in the clear night sky. Lea sat next to him, twirling and unwinding a piece of straw around his finger.

"Are you mad at me?" Lea asked after another moment of silence, and looked down at his hands when Isa turned his head slightly to face him.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Because you're giving me the silent treatment. I hate the silent treatment."

Isa moved in closer to Lea and reached for his hand. "I'm not mad at you. I was just thinking."

"About?"

"How soon we can leave." Isa sighed softly. "What happened today made me realize how badly I want my own voice. I want to speak for myself and stand for my own actions."

"You can."

"But only with you. In everyone else's eyes it's not something I'm worthy of, to them I'm only able to do it with your permission."

"Since when does everyone else's opinion matter?"

"It matters because they decide whether I get to speak or not. When you speak you can have a different opinion from them, but at least you get to say what you need to say. I want to matter."

Lea held Isa's hand tighter. "Do you think it'll be different out there? I'm not trying to say that I'm backing out, I'll leave with you, but what if it's the same in the outside world?"

"It can't be. Why would anyone find it necessary to structure the world with men and women in different camps if we're essentially the same?" Isa chuckled at the thought and Lea smiled.

Isa knew that his knowledge of the world outside was limited to what he could find out in the books that were made available to him. In those books there were men and women, trying to make it through and find their places in life. No one lived behind stone walls, not even the women. Isa had never seen a biological woman, to Isa there was no such thing. As far as he knew, he was a woman, but he could also be a man. Gender had become something that was based on how one acted as a person, and since Isa found himself acting as both, he identified as both.

"Do you think there's anyone outside who's thought of walking this high?" Lea got up onto his feet and looked down at the ground defiantly.

"I don't know. There might be people who've thought of it, but they might not have the guts to do it."

"So I'm the person who is above everyone else, right this minute?"

"Unless the tower at the castle is higher and the King is in there." Isa got up as well and wobbled slightly.

"Can the King really be the King if we are closer to heaven than he is? I think the gods might be more willing to speak to us since we're closer, and they wouldn't have to yell so much."

"I don't think the gods yell at the King from heaven, Lea," Isa said with a laugh.

"Of course they do. They stand on a cloud and when the cloud passes by the castle, the gods yell at the top of their lungs in hopes that the King will hear, and whoever yells the loudest gets his or her order across because the King will do as heaven commanded."

"Do you hear anything now?" Isa looked up to see stars through the thin veils of clouds on the sky for a brief moment.

"It's too late for the gods to be yelling now, silly. If you listen carefully, you can hear them breathe."

"That's the wind."

"Or is it?" Lea said with a mischievous smile.

He turned around to skip down the length of the roof, seemingly forgetting that there were people inside the building that could easily hear them if they weren't careful, and if they were in really bad luck, there might even be teachers patrolling up and down the porches.

Isa walked after him, concentrating on not looking down. There was no heaven or earth on the line, only an abyss, and if he fell, he wouldn't – and couldn't – blame it on Lea. Isa was following him out of free will. It was hard not to wonder if free will would be as exhilarating on the outside, if it was as unforgiving as walking the line. What would it mean to slip off one's path out in the free?

They managed to get all the way to the main house where the wall came to an end and turned into a large gate of iron bars that was locked with a big heavy chain. Isa had never seen the gates this close before. There was very little space between the iron bars on the gates, and it stretched up high, finishing off with pointy iron arrows in case anyone tried to climb over.

Front gate was obviously out of question as an escape route, but it still felt like a little bit of closure seeing the entrance and knowing that he had been too small to remember it, even standing in front of it now.

"Hey, Isa, what am I?"

Isa turned around to see that Lea had bent forwards slightly, his face contorted into the expression of a sturgeon, his eyes closed tightly. He seemed to be walking forward slowly with a walking stick in his right hand.

"An old man on a roof?" Isa laughed. "That's absurd. How would he even get up here?"

"He's blind. He doesn't know that he's on a roof."

"And if I told him?"

"You'd only cause him panic. He would lose his confidence and slip off the roof."

"In that case, I guess I should watch him closely and guide him if he were to take a step in the wrong direction. Would you mind, old man? If I followed you for a bit?"

"Only for a bit!"

Isa laughed at Lea's imitation of an old man's voice. He walked behind Lea who kept on muttering to himself, his legs shaking briefly like those of an elderly.

"Where are you going, old man?"

"To the end of the Earth. I will lay down on the horizon. When the sun rises, I will rise with it, and for an entire day the sun will shine through me. People will speak of me for centuries to come."

"But they won't know your name."

"No, but they will give me a new one. The man who tamed the sun. There will only ever be one man with that name. When the sun sets and drowns me in the sea by its feet, I will have become immortal, even without the help of the gods."

"I will go with you."

"What now?" Lea's old man act broke slightly when his normal voice cracked through and he wobbled momentarily, losing his made-believe stick.

"I will hide with the moon by shallow waters and watch you roam the sky. To make sure that your name catches onto the lips of the people, I will rise with the moon and let the sun speak of the man who waited for it at the horizon, and once the moon drown me too, I will walk with you to the boat that will take us across the river of lost souls to the other world."

"Why?"

"Because you are blind and you need your guiding light, do you not?"

"Yeah."

Isa could hear the smile in Lea's voice as he kept on moving forward, getting back into character as they approached the roof of the annex again.

It had felt like an odd promise to make, even if he had supposedly spoken through someone else. Maybe it had slipped due to a pessimistic feeling that the gods were indeed watching them now that they were standing so high up, and that they might have decided to meddle with their plans for the worse. Isa would prefer that reason, because the only other reason he could think of was that he was, despite it all, afraid of leaving this prison alive.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings: abuse

* * *

They waited until the night was at its darkest to sneak out through the window in Isa's room. They both had a bundle of things wrapped in fabric and tied to their backs. It wasn't much, just things they thought they would need in their escape to the small village they had seen from the top of their roof.

The briefest of sounds that they made, had their hearts beating faster. There was no telling what the teachers would do if they caught them escaping. Lea thought he had a clue, and it made him cringe to think about it. Isa didn't seem like he was thinking of punishment at all. He had taken the lead and they walked alongside the wall to stay out of sight. The hill wasn't as steep here as it was everywhere else, except for right outside the main gates.

Lea had a sickening feeling at the pit of his stomach. He wanted to leave, but at the same time he wanted to stay. The world outside was unknown to them both. They could only speculate what it was like. Isa spoke of free will and liberty, but what if he was wrong? What it the outside was worse than they could have imagined, what then?

Once they jumped over the wall there was no turning back. Whether they liked it or not, they would be forever stuck in the outside world, and it seemed like it was a commitment that Lea hadn't really thought about until this very moment.

He would never voice his doubts, however. He had made a promise, and as long as Isa was with him, it didn't matter where they were. They would pull through together. That was the only thing Lea felt that he could be sure of, and that was enough for him to give him the last boost of courage that he needed to leave his doubts behind and face his new life.

Lea helped Isa climb up onto the wall and he watched him make sure that he was sitting properly before he reached his hands out to Lea to help him up as well. He managed to see a small smile on Isa's lips before his body froze inside at the hand suddenly on his shoulder.

"Lea!" Isa called for him when Lea's fingers slipped away from his.

Forceful hands shoved him up against the wall before a fist came crushing down on his face and made his ears ring loudly. He hoped that Isa had been smart enough to jump to the other side of the wall and run into the forest and hide. He could still be free, but Lea knew that he was hoping against hope because Isa was probably as stupid as he was on this; he wouldn't leave without Lea and that would be their demise.

"You ungrateful brats!" Lea heard the voice of Master Keichi followed by a grunt from Isa when he was pulled down from the wall and fell onto the ground.

"It was my idea!" Lea yelled but was silenced with another punch to the face that had him bite his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

Isa shoved Master Keichi away and hurried to push the man holding Lea against the wall. He took Lea's hand in his, ready to pull him away with him if the other two men dared to try to keep them here.

"Let us go," Isa demanded.

"Let you go?!" Master Keichi raised his voice. "You are not your own! You are property of the Royal Family, boy!"

"No, we're not."

"Isa..." Lea wanted to silence him. Isa didn't know what they were capable of, he didn't know what punishment was. They had lost this battle and anything Isa said now would only work as fuel for their superiors.

"Let us leave, or I'll kill you both." There was a small tremble in Isa's voice that gave away a fear as grand as Lea's.

That was when an additional five men stepped out of the shadows. Master Keichi must have been on to them for a long time to know that they would leave on a night like this. Lea pulled Isa back to stand in front of him. Isa was reluctant, but Lea pulled until Isa caved. Lea looked at Master Keichi, bruises already blooming on his face.

"Master Keichi, this was my idea. All of it. She doesn't know what she's saying. Women don't think, right? I take all of the responsibility. All of it. So please, don't hurt her."

"Lea!" Isa protested.

"Silence, woman!" Lea turned his head to Isa quickly with a pleading look in his eye. "Can't you see that men are talking?"

"Separate them," Master Keichi ordered his assistants. "You will both be punished for betrayal."

"No, no, no!" Lea held onto Isa's hand for as long as it was physically possible.

The guards pulled Lea away from Isa, but Lea struggled to get one more moment, just enough time to make the least bit of a difference. "Isa, don't fight back! Please...it'll be over soon. Just don't fight back. Promise me, Isa!"

The guards dragged them away in different directions. They disappeared with Isa. The air seemed too cold to breathe once Isa's protests faded into silence. If the guards hadn't held him up, his knees would have folded underneath him.

"What are you going to do to her?" Lea asked Master Keichi as they stepped into the main house.

"She will be punished, and everything you do or say against it will duplicate her punishment. So I advise you to do as you're told, Lea, if her life means anything to you at all."

"What's my punishment?" Lea had to swallow hard to rid himself of the lump forming in his throat. The guards shoved him down onto the floor in a small room inside the main house where there was a small desk, a carpet and a deep porcelain bowl in the corner.

"Your punishment is this." Master Keichi gestured towards the room. "You will be confined here until I see it fit to release you. You are not to speak with anyone, not even the person who will bring you food. You will not damage the room in any way, if the room isn't as tidy as it is now toward the end of your punishment, another punishment will be bestowed upon you. If you were to break these rules, the consequences will be brought onto your spouse."

Lea looked around the small room, feeling like his chest was about to cave in because this wasn't right. This punishment was too lenient to what he was used to, and if he wasn't the one receiving what he knew was coming, it could only mean that Isa was going to be put through it. Lea clenched his fists. He wanted to say something. He wanted to protest in an attempt to make Master Keichi realize that what he was doing was wrong, but he said and did nothing.

Master Keichi sat down in front of him, slamming his hands onto the surface of the table loud enough for Lea to jerk away with fear. "You are ungrateful, Lea. You always have been. Know that everything bad that is happening now is _your fault_ , and no one else's. There is blood on your hands now and you will suffer a thousand lifetimes for it."

Master Keichi rose to his feet and left the room together with the guards that had stood idly by.

As soon as Lea heard the door slide close, the room started to spin, and he held his hand over his mouth when that wretched sickness in the pit of his stomach made it feel like he was about to vomit. Master Keichi's rules still echoed in his head, and once he felt his stomach cramp, he hurried over the porcelain bowl in the corner of his room and spilled his guts until he felt completely empty.

**~o~**

Day and night came and went so many times that Lea could no longer tell how long he had been in that room. He just knew that it was too long. He hadn't uttered a word since the night he was locked in here, afraid that Master Keichi had someone to spy on him, and he didn't want to get Isa in any more trouble.

He lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, waiting to drift off into sleep where he would either have horrible nightmares or heartbreaking dreams. He preferred the heartbreaking dreams. In those, Isa had been assigned a new spouse that took him away from here. It was better than thinking that he might still be held captive somewhere. It made it easier to hold onto the illusion that if they kept Lea here forever, it wouldn't be because Isa had died at their hands, but because Lea wasn't necessary anymore.

Then, one day, Hiroshi stepped inside the room. He coughed to get Lea's attention. There was no pity for Lea in his eyes, and he wondered if Hiroshi had been fed lies about what he had done or if he simply knew that this was one of the many punishments Lea had been put through for his defiance. Whatever it was, he wanted to believe that if Hiroshi knew anything about Isa, he would tell him.

"Master Keichi said that you're free to leave this room. You've been here for two weeks, and you've been ordered to clean yourself up. Plans have been made for you this evening."

Lea didn't dare to ask for Isa. He would just have to wait for a little longer.

Hiroshi followed him to the bathhouse behind their dorm and stayed outside, locking the door behind Lea to make sure that he wouldn't escape.

The water in the tub that had been prepared for him was warm, clean, and had a scent of bathing salt. Lea stepped inside, his arms and legs felt weak from being still for such a long time. He scrubbed and washed before he reached for a bucket of water beside the tub and turned it upside-down over himself to wet his hair.

It's going to curl, he thought and held back a sob, pulling his knees closer to hide his face.

"Lea, you have ten minutes to get out," Hiroshi called from behind the door with a loud knock.

_Be strong, Lea. It's not over yet._ Lea had been telling himself that to keep himself from crying, but it only took a reminder of Isa to break his fragile armor.

Lea didn't say anything. He simply made sure to be out and ready to be escorted to the dorms before ten minutes passed.

Master Keichi stood there waiting with Cain and two others when Lea arrived with Hiroshi. There were clothes on a small table in the middle of the room. They had been washed, ironed and folded properly. Lea was asked to put them on according to the tradition that was followed since ancient times, and that he had been taught as a child.

Once he was dressed up to Master Keichi's standards, Hiroshi and Cain were ordered to do something about Lea's hair.

"Stand up straight!" Master Keichi admonished while Cain and Hiroshi tamed Lea's curly hair into a ponytail held together with a crimson red ribbon.

Lea looked at himself in the mirror, indifferent to the textbook-look his comrades were going for.

"I have failed to teach you self-control, Lea. From now on, you are expected to behave exactly as it has been described in the rules. You will take pride in wearing the colors of the kingdom, and you will wear them well. You are not to run to get anywhere, you will walk calmly and bow politely to whomever you may encounter. You are not equal to your comrades, your are inferior. You will learn from them what you have failed to learn during all of these years, and if you haven't reached my expectations by the time you are meant to be shipped off to the castle, your life will be ended. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Master Keichi." Lea was hardly surprised by his monotone voice, and he received a foul glare from Cain for it.

"Turn around and face me when you speak to me, Lea," Master Keichi barked. His frown was ever present, even once Lea stood facing him. "Hiroshi, fetch me the gift."

Hiroshi stepped into the other room and came back with a bouquet of Baby's Breaths, and the strong, sweet, honey-like smell quickly took over the entire room, making it difficult for Lea to not wrinkle his nose at it.

"I hereby grant you permission to visit your spouse at the annex. You will give her this gift, and remember, you will calmly walk to where you are going."

Lea's heart skipped a beat. He was certain that it must have looked like his soul finally settled in his body. The relief and joy that washed over him was almost crippling. Isa was okay and waiting for him at the annex. They had failed to escape, but it didn't matter because they had a chance to get past this. They could start over and accept what life had given them just as long as they did it together.

Lea took the bouquet of flowers in his hand and walked slowly down the long porch to get to the annex. Isa doesn't like flowers, a nagging voice reminded him as he bowed for a comrade that came walking in the other direction. He could pretend, Lea mentally told himself. That's what they were going to do for a living anyway; play roles, pretend to be people they weren't. Isa could pretend to like flowers, Lea had seen him do things that were much more complicated than that.

Lea knocked on Isa's door before he slid it open.

He didn't know what he was expecting.

Would Isa be angry with him for telling him not to fight? Would he be disappointed because Lea hadn't done enough to save him?

He just wanted to see Isa again, even if he was met with a scowl, even if he had to go down on all four and apologize until Isa forgave him.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but whatever it had been, it wasn't this.

Isa sat in the middle of the room, his legs folded underneath him. His face was covered in makeup; white powder, red lipstick, and eyeshadow. His hair had been tamed into an intricate coiffure that seemed painful. He was wearing layers of silk robes, and he sat with his hands folded in his lap, staring blankly ahead, even when Lea pulled the door aside.

And yet, none of those were the reasons that nearly had Lea falling onto his knees.

Isa's face was swollen, his knuckles were bruised, and if it hadn't been for all of those clothes, Lea was certain that he wouldn't be sitting up on his own.

Lea slid the door closed, using it as an excuse to look away and compose himself, but seeing Isa like this had left a cold void inside him that seemed to expand every passing second with each breath he took until the blood froze in his veins and made him tremble.

He walked up to Isa slowly, the words of Master Keichi present in his mind, and he sat down in front of him, putting the bouquet of flowers beside himself before he dared to look at Isa again. His breath hitched in his throat. The makeup couldn't hide all the bruises. The dark purple and the faint yellow were apparent through the layers of white powder on Isa's face and neck.

"It's not as bad as it looks, right?" Lea asked around an insistent sob that made his voice crack.

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat again and again until he had to look away to wipe away the tears from his eyes angrily. Would it make a difference if he asked if it hurt? Would he do Isa any favors pretending that he didn't know even a little about the anger and humiliation left after surrendering to pain at the hands of someone who seemed to harbor nothing but spite?

"I'm sorry, Isa." Lea's voice was thick with regret when he bowed his head slightly. He looked back at Isa, thinking for a second that he gained eye contact, but Isa wasn't there. "I'm sorry I wasn't as strong as you thought I was."

He wanted to keep talking, to fill Isa's silence with his own apologies and let Isa know that he was aware of all of his shortcomings and that he would spend the rest of his life making up for them, but that insistent sob sucked all those words in and muffled his words with soft cries once his armor crumbled. When his tears ran down his face and the cold void made his chest clench so hard it almost felt like it split in two, Lea thought that he was failing Isa once more. He was meant to be strong for Isa, let him rid himself of all his sorrows, but instead he had to listen and hold against Lea's sadness as well as his own.

Lea had been marked by fear. That fear had highlighted scars that weren't apparent on his skin that night, and his old wounds had hurt Isa. It would keep hurting him. Once his tears had gone dry and his sobs had turned into hiccups, Lea wondered if it hadn't been best to have let Isa live a life without him.

**~o~**

Lea had thought that once someone came to get him from Isa's room, he'd finally come to life and be the fiery and rebellious person Isa had seen in him, but he had been exhausted, and when Miss Hanako gently slid the door open and greeted him with a look of compassion in her eyes, all his strength had gone to not cry again.

Isa hadn't said a word in the week that had passed since Lea's punishment had ended. He didn't react like he used to; he didn't frown at the flowers Lea was forced to bring him every night, he didn't scowl when Lea tried his best to tell silly jokes. He hadn't come back yet, but Lea had vowed to himself that he would fix Isa.

Lea glanced up quickly from where he sat on the porch, soaking the white rag to run a third lap of cleaning across the porch, and saw his comrades jog down the courtyard to prepare for class in acrobatics.

"Don't slack off, Lea!" Cain called from the line and winked, just to antagonize him when he knew that Lea couldn't do anything to retaliate. Not even with a tasteless comeback that had been a part of their everyday bickering.

Lea ran down the porch, pushing the rag against the cypress wood to sweep up all the dust and dirt. There was another bucket of water waiting for him in the room on the far end of the porch, and when he got there, he happened to slide the door open too far. He would've closed it immediately if it hadn't been for the altar of worship against the wall.

Lea didn't know what god it had been set up for. He could only name a few of the countless gods that were worshipped, and this one wasn't among them. He dropped the rag into the bucket, quickly scanning the courtyard from where he sat before he turned to the altar, not moving from his spot.

Lea wasn't one to pray, there had never been a reason to, but now, when he stood alone against the consequences of something that was greater than him, he needed at least the illusion that there was someone out there with more power willing to help.

Clap three times for their attention, and murmur the prayer against clasped hands to let the gods hear the message. That was just about the only thing he remembered from Sunday school, and he hoped that it would be enough when he murmured his prayer against his slightly humid and smelly hands.

"Take anything you want from me, but let Isa be okay...please, let him be okay..." He repeated it like a mantra under his breath. If Isa was okay, everything else would fall into place, and though praying only highlighted his loneliness, he left with the vague hope that the gods would see something in him that they needed enough to grant him his wish and bring Isa back to him.

**~o~**

Miss Hanako would usually sit with Isa for a while longer after he was brought to his room at the annex. Lea wanted to see it as a kind gesture, but it only infuriated him to see her there. Where had she been when Master Keichi had decided to beat Isa into a bloody pulp? She only stuck around out of guilt at realizing that she might have played part in putting out the fire in Isa just to have him be like every other woman she had raised.

Miss Hanako was still there when Lea arrived, but she quickly rose to her feet to leave when she heard the door open.

"Bring me a bucket of water, would you kindly, Miss Hanako?" Lea asked when she passed him by, glaring at her briefly when she nodded and went on her way to get what he had asked for.

Despite it all, it still surprised him that he could feel such contempt for people he hadn't bothered with before, and for people whose acknowledgment once had mattered to him. It was exhausting to feel angry all the time and not have an outlet. He had no right to be angry, Master Keichi had said, he could only be grateful for the mercy that had been shown to him after such a severe betrayal.

Lea took a deep breath and walked up to Isa who sat in the middle of the room, dressed in layers of robes, his face hidden behind makeup as usual. Lea smiled softly at him despite the blank look he knew he would get in return.

"I'll get you out of that in a second," he said.

Miss Hanako knocked on the door and slid it open. She walked in with the bucket of water with a white rag hanging from the side.

"Making her think that she has a choice will only bring her more pain, Lea," Miss Hanako said in her usual gentle tone when Lea reached for the rag and dipped the end of it in water to wash Isa's makeup away as carefully as he could.

"That would be all, Miss Hanako. Thank you." Lea didn't bother to turn around and face her. He could only sigh in relief when he heard the door slid closed behind her.

The bruises on Isa's face healed slowly. The swelling had gone down, but there were still marks left that made Lea's stomach tie into a knot of anger for not being able to do something about it. He didn't want it to show. Isa had been burdened enough.

"Spring is almost here," Lea said and leaned in to get a stubborn spot of white powder by the side of Isa's nose. "You know what that means. Rain. It looked like we might be getting some rain tonight. There were some pots laying around in the main house."

Lea didn't know if he was talking to himself. He didn't know if he was boring Isa with the things he said. He simply waited for the day Isa would respond with something, anything - a look of recognition, a smile, an annoyed 'shut up, Lea'. There had been nothing so far, and honestly, Lea wasn't expecting much of anything today, which was why his mouth suddenly felt dry when he could have sworn that he heard Isa say something.

"Isa?"

A small whimper passed through Isa's lips, and within a blink of an eye, the blank look disappeared. Lea sat up on his knees trying to figure out what was wrong without panicking.

"What? Isa, what is it? Are you thirsty? Does it hurt anywhere? Tell me." He leaned in closer to make out what Isa was saying, hoping that the beat of his heart wouldn't drown him out.

"...I can't...breathe..."

"You can't breathe? Isa, yes, you can breathe. You just, just breathe with me." Lea quickly reached for the big and heavy belt around Isa's waist and struggled to find the main knot. Thirteen foot of silk slid off of Isa once Lea found the knot. He pulled off the two first thin robes carefully and reached for the knot of the second, not quite so long and heavy, belt. "Is this better? Is it easier to breathe now?"

Isa nodded and closed his eyes while Lea helped him out of the rest of his robes.

"I feel dizzy." Isa's voice was hoarse and weak, but at least he was talking.

"Do you want to lay down? Just, give me a second." Lea hurried to pull the futon closer before he reached his arm around Isa's waist tentatively. "If it hurts, tell me, okay?"

He helped Isa lay down on his side gently before he sat back to let Isa accommodate as best as he could. Lea had taken off everything except for the thin white robe he usually wore underneath the multitude of layers, but even without the belts tightly around himself, Isa was still in pain. Whether it was the bruises or the lingering memories of that night, it still hurt.

"Lea..."

"I'm here. Don't worry. We're fine. We'll be fine." Lea lay down next to Isa, reaching for the covers in case Isa was feeling cold.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. More than you know." Lea had to whisper to not have his voice break on him. Isa was finally here, and he hadn't realized how difficult it had been for him to breathe too until Isa looked right at him and not through him. "I'm sorry, Isa."

"For what?" Isa blinked slowly, struggling against sleep.

"For letting you down." Lea inched in closer, brushing a stray hair away from Isa's face with the tip of his finger. Isa said something back in a mumble and Lea smiled at him, his tears falling down against his pillow. "You're the strongest person I know. I'll do my best to fix what they broke, Isa. I promise."

Lea placed a soft kiss at the tip of Isa's nose. He pulled the covers over himself and fixed the covers on Isa's side. Isa had already fallen asleep, but Lea was wide awake. He wanted to be ready in case Isa needed anything, and while he lay there waiting, he could hear droplets of water fall against the tile on the roof, slowly at first, and then how it steadily increased until it became a downpour.

"Isa, have I told you the story about the butterfly and the thorns?"

**~o~**

Lea had thought that he knew what it was to get his patience tested. He thought he knew what it was to control his reactions and that Master Keichi had been wrong about him, but as the days and weeks passed by and it became clear that beating Isa up wasn't the worst thing that they had done to him, Lea's patience was driven to the edge of a cliff.

Isa didn't speak. He answered questions, yes or no, but he didn't initiate conversations. Lea had thought that it was fine. There was no point in rushing, Isa would speak soon enough. It was the same with Isa's constant avoidance of eye-contact, or that's what Lea had interpreted it as at first, but he soon realized that Isa was bowing, keeping his head low and eyes fixed onto the floor whenever Lea stepped inside the room, whenever he was nearby.

These foreign mannerisms started to show everywhere, in every movement, in every small decision that eventually pushed Lea's patience over the edge.

Lea's hands were still wet with the water from the white rag that he had dropped onto the floor to grab Isa by his shoulders tightly. His grip was bruising, even through the five layers of silky robes. Isa's startled gasp should have stopped him when he shook him, insistently hoping that it would be enough to get Isa to at least look at him. But Isa didn't want to face him. He wanted to keep Lea from washing off the makeup on his face and from removing the layers of clothes.

"Don't do this. You have to stop," Lea said with a voice as menacing as he could manage. "Look at me when I'm talking to you, Isa. This isn't you." Lea inhaled sharply. He tried to think of a threat, but once he spoke, he could only plead with Isa. "Please, please stop."

Lea inhaled sharply, just barely holding back a threat. Isa struggled slightly to get out of Lea's firm grip and it was enough for Lea to regain control over his temper. He watched Isa wriggle. It was at least a sign of defiance.

Lea let go of Isa and quickly scanned the room to see if there was anything that he could use to try to get to Isa and remind him why he should want to wash his face.

In the far back corner there was a small bag. The bright red yarn sticking out of it caught Lea's attention. He gave Isa a quick look before he stood up with a sigh when Isa looked back down onto the floor.

"Isa? Isa, where are you?" Lea paced around the room, pretending to be looking for Isa whom he completely ignored while he searched high and low.

"I need help," he mumbled loud enough for Isa to hear. "Is there anyone who can help me?"

Lea walked closer to the bag in the corner and turned his back to Isa slightly. "Hello? Excuse me, I heard you needed help?" He said in a somewhat higher tone and glanced at Isa quickly to see that he had lifted his gaze off the floor when he heard the other voice that supposedly came from the bag.

Lea made it look like the doll crawled out of the bag before he put his index finger and thumb into its arms. The doll stretched its arms and yawned, though its expression remained exactly the same.

"Yes, I can't seem to find my friend. Isa. Have you seen him? He has long blue hair and green eyes, kind of like mine. He doesn't say much."

"Now that you mention it, I think I have seen your friend!" The doll said as it scratched its head and hurried back into the bag with Isa looking curiously after it. It dug around in the bag, mumbling and tossing about until it finally found what it was looking for.

"C'mon, you have to come out and say hi. Someone's looking for you," the red-headed doll said and pulled out another doll with him. "Sir, this is Isa. Were you looking for him?"

"No, my Isa is a little bigger. He's my size. I have a statue of him that I can show you." Lea picked up the two dolls and sat down by the low table across from Isa. The red-headed doll propped miniature Isa onto its lap and brushed away a stray hair of blue yarn away from its face before it looked up at the statue.

"Why do you think it's a statue?" the doll asked.

"The real Isa wouldn't wear a mask. He would talk to me, not ignore me. He would laugh at my silly jokes," Lea paused thoughtfully when he saw that Isa glanced at him briefly. "And he would look at me like I'm the sun and the moon."

"Maybe you aren't anymore," the doll began, but Lea was interrupted when Isa quickly reached for his doll and leaned against the table, resting his chin against it and hiding partially behind his arm as he sat the doll up against Lea's.

"They'll hurt you if I keep resisting. There are no real us, we are nothing but roles, and everyone around us will make sure we stick to them. You used to know that."

"Did Miss Hanako tell you that?" Lea gazed at Isa, thinking how strange it was to see a life-size porcelain doll move on its own accord. "She's wrong, y'know. That's why they had to punish you, to make you feel like you had done something wrong before they could fill your head with whatever they think is right."

"Did it work on you?"

"Yeah, for a while, but I didn't really care. Wrong, right, it was all the same to me. And then, when I was just a kid, I saw you. Things started to matter. Once we met, you convinced me that we're worth more than this. I still believe that, Isa. I don't know how to get you to see that you were right."

"Are you sure?" Isa looked up at Lea, their eyes meeting for the first time in forever. Isa was uncertain and it made Lea wonder if that's how he had looked at Isa that night on the roof when he had so confidently agreed to escape the only home they had ever known.

"I'm sure." Lea smiled softly. He inched closer to the table to lay across it like Isa, and he held his hand out to gently stroke the tip of his fingers against Isa's exposed wrist.

"Run away with me," Lea whispered. "We'll leave everything behind; our roles, our past, even our names."

Isa didn't answer, but Lea had already made a decision; anywhere was better than here and if they failed to leave he would have no qualms ending their lives before they were forced to kneel before beliefs that weren't their own.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings for this chapter: none

* * *

 

There was something unusual in the air a certain Sunday morning. Lea had been pacing for about an hour before he sat down by Isa, thinking that Isa was still asleep when he shook him lightly to wake him.

"Wake up, Isa. We have to go."

Isa sat up slowly when Lea tugged at his arm, and glanced at the open window in the corner.

Once Isa got up, Lea hurried to tie a small pouch made out of one of Isa's many robes around his back. It was a familiar scene to wake up to and Isa could already feel his stomach in a knot when he realized what Lea was planning.

"Where are we going?" he asked when Lea hurried up to him, gently moving his wrist to pull his arm through one of the sleeves of the cotton robe.

"Remember the story of the Fisherman who lost his boat and had to move into the city?" Lea asked in a rush as he pulled Isa's other arm into the other sleeve and reached for a cotton belt to tie it around him. "He had a small cottage right by the shore and a garden where he planted lots of vegetables and ate them with the fish he caught. We're going to that village, right by the sea, and we'll get a cottage where we can live, you and me. Far away from here."

"We can't fish," Isa said meekly.

"We'll learn." Lea put a scarf around Isa's neck with a quick look at the window before he sighed and looked back. "You don't have a say in this, Isa. I'm sorry. Once we're out, you can kick and scream at me all you want, but I can't let you stay here. They are killing you right in front of my eyes- not physically- but you're disappearing. Each day that goes by takes something away from you and this is the only way I can think of to get it back. Alright?"

Lea still looked at him for permission, gave him one last chance to state his opinion on the matter before Lea did what he had already decided. That's what Isa had wanted once upon a time; the right to say his opinion, even if it was disregarded.

"Alright," Isa said finally with a small nod.

"Alright." Lea smiled and leaned in for a quick peck of a kiss, taking Isa's hand in his to lead him to the open window.

A fog lay thick outside. The absolute silence was eerie and foreboding. There wasn't even as much as an owl hooting in the far off distance. A vibrating murmur came just as Lea and Isa stepped out to the courtyard. It seemed to travel from the horizon and resonate loudly enough to make the mountain tops tremble.

The ground started to shake, slowly at first, but it quickly became violent. The tiles on the courtyard cracked alongside the wooden pillars holding up parts of the roof. There were screams coming from inside, panicked voices trying to call for order in a moment of chaos.

Both Lea and Isa struggled to remain standing while trying to figure out in which direction they needed to move. It was difficult to see ahead; the ground bounced and moved like a stormy sea. The Earth seemed to let out an angered moan from its very depths as the ground shook, and at that moment, everyone was convinced that the end of them all was near.

The horrors only lasted for four, maybe five, minutes, but it had felt like an eternity. As the shaking slowly came to a halt, Lea grabbed Isa's hand tightly and ran ahead, afraid that they might be caught again.

The stone walls had turned into rubble in certain places, and as they climbed over the small hindrance on their way to freedom, they heard their former comrades scream again followed by the loud sound of the wooden pillars cracking and parts of the large roofs collapsing on top of the few carrying walls that had been left standing.

It was awful, Isa found himself thinking, and though there might have been people dying that night, people whom he had grown up with, his concern for them didn't stretch further than the small acknowledgment that it had been awful. Isa wasn't certain if he meant their deaths or his life there with them.

**~o~**

Neither Lea nor Isa had known hunger until they tried their best to navigate through dense forest with nothing but the wild for company. The days seemed endless when they walked until darkness fell and then tried to find shelter underneath overgrown tree roots. Eating mushrooms or even berries became a lethal guessing game; which ones were poisonous and which weren't – for them there was only one way to find out – and most of the times they preferred to go hungry than end up dead.

In some places the trees grew so tightly together and stretched so far up high that the humidity stayed packed down below where the sun rays couldn't reach. They walked through muddy passageways where they could see long snakes hang from thick branches. There were insects everywhere, some were big enough to see despite their camouflaging colors, others didn't make their presence known until darkness fell and they began to serenade each other as loudly as they could, only to keep Lea and Isa up during the night.

Neither of them had ever known what it was to be on alert twenty-four hours a day. It wasn't until they could hear wild bears roaring in the distance that they realized how far away from home they were.

And yet, somehow, they made it out.

They found a traveled road and even a passerby who told them that the nearest village was two miles away. Two miles compared to what they had been walking up until now was nothing. Hand in hand, they made it to a farm right by the outskirts of the village.

Isa had seen a "Help wanted"-sign, and if there was anything they knew about the real world, it was that money made it turn, and money was currently in short supply for them.

The farm had a small, two-story main house, three houses in the back and one big barn to its left, surrounded by one large pasture where the cows were currently grazing grass.

"I'll do the talking, okay?" Lea asked Isa as they stepped up on the porch to knock on the door. Isa simply nodded in reply. He was far too hungry to protest.

The man that answered the door was nothing short of a beast. The clothes he was wearing were barely containing him. His neck was as thick as bull's, his hands were the size of Isa's head, and he stared at them with a quick head-to-toe-look before he revealed a fittingly dark voice to go with his physique.

"What can I do you for?" he asked.

"We come from a farm down south, and we heard that you needed a couple of extra hands to help you around your farm, and we also heard that the pay is really good."

"Yeah?" the farmer said with a huff of a laugh as he leaned against the door frame, a knowing look on his face. "What farm would that be?"

"I don't think you've heard of it. It's really far down south. It's - it's where the devil lost his pitchfork." Lea waved in the direction they had come from for emphasis and did a quick swallow when he too noticed that the farmer might already be onto his lies.

"Y'know, for someone from down south, you sure lack the thick accent. But, uh, you got any strength in your arms? Upper-body strength?"

"Nothing but," Lea was quick to reply.

"And you, got any experience with cows?" the farmer turned to Isa.

"She's only ever worked with cows, mister. I promise you we won't let you down. We're hard-working people and we really need a job."

"Alright. I don't get much visitors anyway, so I might as well take you up on the offer. You got any names?"

"I'm Axel."

Isa glanced at him from the corner of his eye, surprised by how certain Lea sounded of his fake name. He must have been practicing, convincing himself that his new name was his as much as his real name. Did Isa have a fake name too?

He didn't have to wonder for long. As soon as the farmer's eye's wandered in Isa's direction, Lea took it on himself to answer for Isa once more.

"His name is Saïx."

"Well, you might be from down south after all. There ain't many people with X-names around. I'm Xaldin, born and raised in the Southern Kingdom. Were your grandparents in the resistance movement, maybe your great grandparents? You look a little young."

"Yeah, both our great grandparents were in the resistance movement. My grandparents were too, but they died in the riots after the great fire."

"C'mon in," the farmer said and stood aside to let them both inside the main house. "My grandpa joined the militant group as soon as the first royal meeting failed. He was one of the last ones to die."

"I know how that is," Lea said with such conviction that Isa had to force himself to stop looking at Lea to not reveal his confusion as to where all of this was coming from.

Lea told Xaldin an elaborate story, not only of their past and what had led them here, but the past of their made up families as well. He spoke of places they had never been to as if that's where he had grown up and learned everything he knew. Xaldin had long let his guard down. He had decided that he was amongst friends as soon as Lea had revealed their names, it seemed.

If there was anything that got people to bond, it would be the conflict between the Northern and Southern Kingdom. The war had ended almost a decade ago, but it was still an open wound. King Ansem had managed to destroy the Southern Kingdom in the war, and many of Radiant Garden's riches came from the fallen kingdom.

A resistance movement had been born as soon as King Ansem had sent envoys to the Southern Kingdom, over fifteen years ago. Many who joined had been elders who still remembered the imperialistic ways of the Northern Kingdom.

When the members of the resistance movement were mysteriously murdered and found in a riverbank, the younger generation decided to get involved, and when it was revealed that King Ansem had manipulated the Dragon Princess into signing over one of the most important mines in the kingdom to him, a civil war broke out that later escalated into the conflict that so many remembered today.

As Lea kept talking, Isa wondered how little he knew about Lea after all, and how long he had to get to know every little detail about what moved around in Lea's head, and for the first time since escaping, Isa drew a sigh of relief at realizing that they were free.

**~o~**

It took a surprisingly short period of time to adapt to this new lifestyle. Early mornings, routine, hard work, it didn't differ that much from life at school with the exception of the lack of walls and the imposed authority. By the end of their first week, they got up before Xaldin came knocking on the door to their room in the house at the back.

They all ate breakfast together. Whenever Lea had to tell a story about their past, Isa would just agree with a nod that differed in enthusiasm depending on what it was they were talking about.

Isa didn't speak around Xaldin. At first he thought that it was just something that had stuck from when they first met, but even after Lea had encouraged him to engage in the conversations, he couldn't.

There was something about the way Xaldin looked at him sometimes. It was almost as if Xaldin was trying to figure something out, like there was something he couldn't quite pinpoint. As Isa leisurely made his way to the barn, he hoped that whatever it was, wasn't trouble.

He heard a cow low as soon as he pushed the big wooden door open. There were only three of them in the barn at the moment. The rest had been borrowed by a neighbor who had come over late one night. Lea had later told him that farmers around the area helped each other out when they found out that there were inspectors walking from farm to farm, calculating taxes. If a farmer had less than ten cows in his barn, he was taxed double of what he would have been taxed if he had more. Apparently it was a way of encouraging the farmers to get more cows and to make sure that there were enough dairy products to go around the villages nearby as well as to Radiant Garden.

But having cattle seemed expensive. Farmers this far out from the city relied on the nearest villages to make enough money to keep the farm going. Exporting to Radiant Garden was a foolish thing to even think about. The dairy products would go bad before getting to the city, and exporting meat would only lure the bandits in.

Having cattle was a luxury, and judging by the state of this farm, it was a luxury Xaldin could barely afford. There was a lot of work to do on all of the buildings on the land. The barn needed a restoration, but to do it, Xaldin needed manpower, resources and money. Three things that he didn't have. The barn was still the best kept building, especially if Isa was to compare with the main house.

The barn was still red, the wood seemed sturdy and the doors had yet to come undone. There weren't traces of water damage in the barn. It was well isolated to keep the cows from freezing at night. It was only natural that Xaldin would keep his livelihood protected, although it wouldn't hurt if he cared for his own well-being too.

The main house had long since lost its color, only the frames on the doorways remained white. Xaldin avoided going upstairs because the wooden floor was starting to weaken and he feared that he'd fall right through the floor if he ever decided to walk about there.

Xaldin said that the floor sang when it was walked on, and it sure did. It creaked and complained, just like the wife Xaldin seemed to miss whenever he glanced at an old picture on a shelf behind the kitchen table. Isa had never taken a closer look, but he assumed that it was a wife Xaldin longed for when he spoke of the floor's song as if it was his only companion in the otherwise empty house.

Isa led a brown cow with white spots down to where he would tie her by stack of hay and sit down on a stool to milk her. It had been a strange experience at first. Isa had never seen a cow before, not even in the books he had read. He was intimidated by the size of the animal, the bellowing sound that it made, and the strength he was certain that it had.

But the cow was a unexpectedly gentle creature.

Isa had filled half a bucket with milk when the doors to the barn suddenly burst open. Xaldin sprinted with surprising agility to the other side of the barn, and didn't stop until he bounced off the seemingly closed off door. He looked through a crack on the sealed door with an almost devilish chuckle and waved dismissively toward Isa.

"Don't mind me, missy. Don't mind me. I'm just here to admire God's work."

That's a blatant lie, Isa thought and went back to work reluctantly. There was nothing in Xaldin's home that revealed him to be a religious man, not that Isa minded, he wasn't much for religion either, but he couldn't deny that the lie made him curious.

"The family next door is from the south too," Xaldin said after a while, not once taking his eye away from the crack on the door. "Their eldest daughter has been up for marriage for a year, but her parents haven't seen any good takers. When I get my cows back, you'll see, I'll be the single best bachelor in the whole region."

Xaldin stepped away from the door with a dreamy sigh. "The rest is for our wedding night. Women from the south sure are well endowed...well, " he paused and gave Isa a quick look. "Most women are. There's always that one exception to the rule. You're lucky you got taken so early, missy. Can't say that I've seen much that's appealing about you, except that you're a hard worker, but I guess there must be something."

Isa glared after Xaldin who calmly walked out of the barn with an annoyingly pleased look on his face. Isa had unconsciously wrapped his arms around himself, pulling the dark robe he was wearing tighter around his chest to hide from Xaldin's judging eyes even though he had already left.

He got up and walked slowly over to the crack on the door that had led Xaldin to speak of such an out of place topic.

There was water splashing and light giggling coming from outside. As Isa leaned closer against the door he saw the outline of a pond behind high green grass, and in it a group of five women, free from clothing, bathing in the waist-deep water. His eyes widened at the sight. He gulped and suddenly felt cold inside.

He wasn't sure of what reaction he should have had at seeing the naked women frolicking in the water. On a subconscious level he made a distinction between them and himself, dubbing them the real women.

He didn't look like them at all. The differences were glaringly obvious, more so than the things they had in common.

They looked like everything Miss Hanako had tried to make out of him for so many years, but they managed it without much effort.

It didn't seem to pain them to be what they were. Their moves were delicate, even when they splashed water at each other and ran about. They seemed soft and gentle despite playing war. Their voices weren't forcibly high-pitched, it was more of a natural sound that came with little to no effort.

Isa was torn between wanting what they had and reminding himself that it was what he had run away from. At that moment it became obvious to him how difficult it was going to be to break each and every habit he had embraced by indoctrination in every aspect of his life.

As it was now, he didn't want to break them.

Instead he looked down on himself with disdain; the mismatched, decolorizing clothes he was wearing; his worn sandals that had been tied together with a strap of white fabric that had turned brown; his hair that was tied into a messy ponytail; certain that he smelled of hay and cow. He was nothing like he had been back at school.

Lea had been attracted to that version of him, the version that smelled like flowers, wore nothing but silk and bathed every evening.

The sound of yet another giggle fit from outside made him gently slap the air from his robe to make the fabric stick to his figure and reveal his flat chest. Maybe Xaldin was right. Maybe there wasn't anything appealing about him after all, and with the world at their feet, it would only take so long for Lea to realize that Isa wasn't that much of a catch.

**~o~**

As soon as the sun set, the insects began bustling and humming in the bushes in the high grass around the farm. Xaldin had taken in the lantern from his porch, and the only other light that Isa could see was from a bypassing carriage on the road.

The stars twinkled up in the sky. There were millions of them, and Isa tried to focus on counting them to not have to go to the room he shared with Lea.

Isa sat on an old and wide tree trunk on the yard of patched grass between the four houses on the farm. It was getting cold, but Isa figured that Lea would fall asleep soon enough if he really had been doing as much work as Xaldin had claimed over dinner.

A man's work, Xaldin had said, the kind a woman couldn't possibly understand. Admittedly, Isa wanted to know what kind of work that could possibly be because he had been imagining Lea lifting cows since dinner, and somehow he knew that couldn't be possible.

He looked away from the stars and down onto the ground as soon as he heard Lea walk up behind him. Lea sat down next to him with a quick look his way and a restless shuffle of his feet.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No." Isa sighed.

"Why didn't you come back to the room?" Lea reached for Isa's hand tentatively and moved in closer when Isa twined his fingers around Lea's.

"I was thinking."

"Uh-oh, can't be good," Lea teased and bumped his forehead against the side of Isa's head gently.

"I don't look right."

"What?"

"I don't look right. _I'm_ not right. I'm ugly as a woman and weak as a man. I'm not good enough to be either."

"Isa...what are you talking about?" Lea had moved to kneel in front of him, a look of disbelief in his bright green eyes.

"I saw women today, women that look the way they looked in the books I used to read. They were beautiful, gracious...well-endowed." He regretted saying the last part when Lea unconsciously looked at his chest for a split second before Isa crossed his arms to cover himself.

"Everybody's different."

"You're gonna grow tired of me."

Lea sighed and rolled his eyes at Isa and ran his arms around Isa's waist to pull him to the edge of the trunk he was sitting on.

"Stop telling me what I will and won't do. I made a decision, a long time ago now, that I'd be where you are. I'm pretty sure I told you about it, didn't I?"

"You did," Isa said with a small smile.

"And remember that you promised the old man in me that you'd come with me to the boat that would take us to the afterlife. That's a pretty big promise to make, but you promised, and I believe you. I don't think you'll run off with the first guy or gal who doesn't have to flatten their hair every morning, so how about you give me a little credit too?"

"Gal? Is Xaldin's dialect rubbing off on you?"

Lea nodded with a proud look on his face, but didn't forget that he was waiting for answer. "How about it, Isa? You trust me?"

"I trust you."

"That's good because I sorta made a bold move today..." Lea trailed off and looked away from Isa to scare him, but he failed to keep an amused smile off his face when Isa's hands clenched around his arms.

"What move?"

"I told Xaldin that we're artistically inclined and that I missed it and he told me that there's a big farmer's market in a village nearby in a couple of weeks. He'll have a word with a mayor for us if he gets a cut, but before I made any promises I told him that I'd have a word with you first."

"You miss it?"

Isa hadn't thought much about the practical things he had learned at school, like performing. He had been too busy listing the negative things about it.

Lea was looking up at him with badly hidden anticipation.

"What did you have in mind?" Isa asked at the sudden feeling of guilt emerging through the realization that he had automatically disregarded any and all feelings Lea might have had for their school, save for those that benefited him.

"Well, nothing too complicated. We can't really reenact the classics with just the two of us, and I'm not sure farmers are the right audience for it. I'm not keen on doing those kind of acts either - I was thinking tightrope numbers?"

"With me?"

"Yeah, with you. What would that even mean, 'with me'?" Lea laughed. "You and me on the tightrope, amazing the farmers with our quality acts. When we've gathered enough money, I'll buy a cow and we'll make a fortune on it."

"I prefer our other plan."

"What other plan?"

"Our plan to move to a village by the sea and learn how to fish. A farm is too much work."

"Alright," Lea smiled. "Let's do that. All we have to do now is practice." Lea helped Isa up from the trunk and led him around the small white house where their room was.

"Now?" Isa asked in a small protest.

"There's no better time than now, Isa. By the time of our first performance, we'll be as good with acrobatics on the tightrope as we are on the ground. We'll be better than all performers at the castle combined."

Isa smiled at Lea's eagerness when Lea showed him the tightrope that he had put together on the small backyard. It was a bit higher than the tightrope that Lea had put together back in school, he had even managed to put a safety net under it this time. It was good for practice, but Lea had clearly other plans for the tightrope on the farmer's market.

There were still kinks in their plans for their numbers. There was so much more that needed to be done. Each and every decision was theirs as well as the future they were planning for. The only fault in their blinding optimism was that they left no room for failure in a world where there were no safety nets for those who could easily fall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings for this chapter: none

**~o~**

Five years later...

**~o~**

Despite the darkening sky and the chilly breeze, the buzz from the market down the road remained the same as if it was still noon. The sweet and sour scent from the stands selling chicken and meat lay thick throughout the small town and kept reminding Axel of how hungry he was.

He lived in a small, two hundred square-feet room with five other street performers. The room was rented out to them by the innkeeper next door. There were no commodities to be found in his humble living area. If he wanted to wash up he had to walk down a small road behind the shack until he reached a spring of water, any other necessity of the natural kind had to be taken care of in the woods.

Life was far from easy for a street performer in a small town like this one, but what else was there to do but to survive? Axel pondered about it as he stared out from the fully open paper-doors, sitting on the floor of braided straw. His feet ached from an entire day out on the streets, doing number after number to impress the villagers enough for them to open up their wallets.

At least he had a moment of rest. A member of their troupe had been forced to take an extra job by the brothel to round up enough money for rent and at least a meal a day for each member. He was still out, and as every other night since the decision had been made, Axel had to struggle against the urge to go out there and kill whoever had been able to afford his spouse.

"Psst," came a familiar whisper from outside the shack.

Axel quickly sat up straight and glanced over at the troupe leader, who was currently preoccupied counting the earnings of the day. The others were sprawled on the small surface, half-asleep, probably dreaming about the grilled chicken they could smell so well.

"I'm going out for a leak," Axel announced as he stepped outside. He pulled his light brown robe tighter around himself and tied his belt of a similar color around his waist to keep the robe in place. He turned around the corner of the shack and hurried towards the small road.

Saïx was waiting for him there. Axel hurried up to him with the intention of at least embracing him to show his relief, but as he got closer he couldn't help but notice the small details that were more than enough to have his mind show him what kind of evening Saïx might have had, and he slowed down slightly, stopping right in front of him, not strong enough to look him in the eye quite yet.

It was subtle gesture, but it was enough to make Saïx self-conscious. He brushed his tousled hair back only to feel the mixed scent of alcohol and incense on his sleeve. There were surely other details that gave away more of his evening, and it fueled the frustration that was painfully noticeable in Axel's eyes.

"Are you hungry?" Saïx asked and tried to brush off the silent topic with a smile. He reached for a small bag made of hemp that he had tied to his belt. "They were having some kind of banquet so I tried to smuggle as much food as I could."

"What did they do to you?"

"Noth –"

"You don't have to accept this. We don't need them. We can do something else." Axel was quick to interrupt. He didn't like being lied to, but he knew that Saïx would inevitably lie to him whenever he asked about his job at the brothel, and even so, Axel couldn't keep himself from asking.

"Don't start, Axel." Saïx sighed. He grabbed a hold of Axel's hand and sat down on the ground, tugging at Axel's hand to have him follow his lead. "You're in no condition to risk anything now. Get better first, and then we'll see what we'll do."

Axel sat down next to Saïx with a stern look. Saïx had been annoyingly patient with him in the past few months since the accident.

Axel had been trying to work on a new number that he was sure would earn them lots of money. The number was a mixture of acrobatics; most of them were done on a tightrope as far up high as the buildings would go. The buildings in this village did fortunately not go so high up, if they had, Axel would have died falling off the tightrope that fateful day. He had been lucky, but the blood loss that he had suffered from his injuries and their poor conditions had left him anemic. They had visited the town doctor who had ordered lots of rest and regular, nutritious meals. They had one of the doctor's orders kind of covered by being part of this troupe. Without them, both Axel and Saïx were left on the streets to fend for themselves with no meals guaranteed.

"Here," Saïx handed Axel the small bag. It didn't smell like the meat or the chicken, but it was still enough to make his mouth water as he reached for a rice ball covered in sesame seeds. "Chew it properly. And give me your foot."

Axel reached his leg out to rest his right foot on Saïx's lap. Saïx pulled off Axel's sandal slowly before he squeezed the foot gently with both his hands. Normally, he would do this before it was time to turn the lights out and get some sleep in their little corner of the small room that was currently their home. He did it despite the teasing from the other members of the group, he would look just as concentrated as he did now while the others would joke about how they too wanted a wife like him.

Axel reached his hand out to brush a stray hair from Saïx's face. His hair was thick and long, it was much more manageable than Axel's hair, and usually he kept it in a semi-ponytail, letting his bangs frame his face that gave him that slight effeminate look that had made him desirable at that damned brothel.

"Hey."

Saïx looked up at him and chuckled at the roundness of Axel's cheeks from the rice balls.

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah, I had lots of food." Saïx took Axel's other foot, "How was work? You didn't overdo it, did you?"

"It was pretty much the same all day."

"Did your legs hurt?"

Axel didn't answer straight away. Saïx would always look up at him with eyes wide full of worry whenever he withheld an important answer for too long. It may seem cruel, but he liked the warmth that spread in his chest whenever Saïx showed him such concern, and this time was no different.

"No, they didn't hurt. But you know what happened instead?"

"What?"

"I got a new idea for a splendid number."

"Axel, no."

"Just hear me out." He inched in closer and swallowed the last of rice in his mouth, "We need to do a number that speaks to the commoners. They need to relate to our skits."

"Okay?"

"We could do skits like we did before, remember? Reenact short stories with a bit of satire."

"But we've done all stories that people wanted to hear."

"Which is why we are going to do a new one." Axel grinned.

The idea he had for a new skit hadn't been simmering for long, it had come to him the other day when he saw three guards with the royal seal on their uniforms pass him by. He didn't have much esteem for royalty, but the stories regarding royalty were interesting to the commoners, their audience, and with so few guards around town there was little to no risk of them being caught mocking the royal family.

He had to convince Saïx first, of course, but that rarely became much of a challenge when the other option was trying the tightrope tricks again.

"Demyx, go see what's taking Axel so long." The voice of Ansem, their troupe leader, sounded through the open paper-doors on the other side of the shack.

Their troupe leader was a petty business man with powerful friends. Whenever a person of importance passed through their small village, Ansem would be the one to organize the entertainment. Whether he used his own troupe or not didn't matter, he would strike deals to always make sure he got his part of the cake.

While Ansem gave them a hard time for being by themselves, it wasn't merely about control. Strays lived a dangerous life. The entire kingdom was infested with thieves who went long ways to get to anything of value, and even that of little value was worth more to the thieves than the human life they would have to take to get to it.

Axel and Saïx scrambled onto their feet just as Demyx turned the corner with a tired look in his eyes. He didn't even seem surprised to find them there, only annoyed that he had to leave the spot he had warmed up since falling asleep on it.

"You're worrying the boss and disrupting my sleep."

"You want a rice ball?" Axel held up the bag of hemp. Demyx reached for the single rice ball left and quickly took a bite.

He was a friend, but he was first and foremost hungry, and hungry friends were easily made enemies. But now, as he ate the last bite of the rice ball, his eyes twinkled with glee at the taste of food after a day's hard work, and his smile reached all the way to his eyes when he looked back at them.

"Every cloud has a silver lining." He sighed as he turned around to go back, assured by the steps of Axel and Saïx behind him.

While Axel pulled the paper-doors close behind them, Demyx went back to sleep, and Saïx walked up to the low table where Ansem sat. Ansem was a tall man with bronzed skin and long, white hair. He watched Saïx intently when Saïx pulled a small money-bag from his sleeve discreetly, not even letting the coins make a sound; to not lay bare the value he had for other people. He could feel Axel's never wavering glare burn at his back, but he made nothing of it as Ansem accepted the amount and added the number to his notebook.

As Ansem put the last light out, Saïx accommodated himself on his side next to Axel. On nights like these, when the reminders of what he had become lingered on him and masked the scent of his neck that Axel found comforting, he didn't expect Axel to run his arm around his waist and hold him close to keep the coldness of the night at bay.

This night was different. This night was the last night Axel would let Saïx go back to that brothel. He swore on it. And with that reassuring thought he moved in closer, ignoring the far too familiar scent of flowery incense that he could taste on his tongue when he placed a soft kiss on Saïx's neck.

**~o~**

While this town was small in size, it was always packed with people trying to make a living off the travelers that passed through on their journey to the centre of their kingdom, Radiant Garden. On Fridays there was a surge of passing travelers as Saturday was the day the king held audience with those who wished to speak with him. Sadly for everyone, the king had postponed his time of audience on Saturdays for at least a month, but now that it was back, so were the travelers, and there was money to be made.

Ansem had been summoned to the inn where he would attend a meeting with people who were, according to him, of great importance. Meetings of that nature usually meant that the important men would need entertainment, and Ansem had made it very clear that they would have to perform their best the very next day.

Ansem's troupe had quickly learned that to him anyone with money was of great importance, but with Ansem preoccupied, Axel could take the chance to reintroduce the performances he and Saïx used to do when they traveled from place to place in hope to make it big.

"Wuah."

They stood at the outskirts of the masses surrounding the stands at the marketplace. The villagers had decorated the market place with festive banners, paintings, and colorful fabrics.

Axel stood in the lead, his mask hung around his neck, and he had tucked his fan into his belt by habit. He had changed into a white and light blue two-piece dress; a loose white and sleeveless shirt underneath two layers of light-blue robe that came down to his thighs, and a pair of light-blue loose fitting pants.

With him he had the entire troupe, save for Ansem. Once he had convinced Saïx and Demyx to go along with his idea, it had been a breeze to get Hayner and Seifer on board. They had all changed into their respective costumes. Saïx had his mask hanging around his neck, and he had changed into a purple and dark pink two-piece dress. His robe had been redone to a much shorter length than the others to reveal his back and abdomen. The sleeves were long, and so was his skirt. The fabric was cheap, but it shimmered like silk in the light and it represented the national dress for noble women of the Southern Kingdom interpreted by those from the north.

Demyx, Seifer and Hayner were more appropriately dressed for the warm weather in their dark blue robes of cotton and white hems with loose fitting pants. Both Demyx and Seifer carried around their instruments on their backs; Demyx with his sitar and Seifer with his double-sided taiko drum. Hayner's instrument was more inconspicuous and fit well inside his robe, which was just as good as he had recently polished his flute to make it look brand new, and that could easily call the attention of thieves.

They were far from looking as impressive as the bigger and famous troupes of street performers. Their dresses were worn and they were few in number, but Axel was certain that their audience would think nothing of it as soon as their performance began.

"Here." Axel reached Saïx two unused torches, looking away when he saw Saïx frown at him.

"Where'd you get these?"

"Don't worry about it," he said with a slightly nervous smile and shook his arms to calm himself. Saïx wasn't done, but there was no time to be bickering about trivial matters.

Axel turned to face all of them, "Are we all clear on what we have to do?"

"Yes," said Demyx and Hayner with a nod.

"Just one question, how far away do you want us to sit?"

"Six to ten feet? Not too far away. Saïx and I will have everything under control. Ready?"

"Let's get this show on the road."

They squeezed their way through the crowd toward the tiled square near the town well. No stands were allowed on the square to ease up the amount of traffic.

They had come across a few street performers, but none were performing right this minute. It was still early and most entertainers didn't start until darkness had completely fallen. That was when most travelers were done drinking, and the buzz usually made them more generous.

As the square became visible before them, Seifer played a beat that was very well-known amongst those in the towns between the Northern and Southern Kingdom.

It wasn't only a way to call for the attention of everyone around them; it was also their cue to get in character. Saïx and Axel pulled their masks over their faces when they felt the curious looks from the commoners on them, and as the masses opened way for them, they could hear soft mumbles from bystanders who were amazed by the strange colors they were wearing.

"Mom, look! The Dragon Princess!"

The boy's mother didn't even bother to scold her son for pointing as the crowd around her quickly formed a spacious circle around the street performers whose characters were iconic.

The beat from the drum had become known as The Soldier March of the Southern Kingdom's army, and it had lay ground for many folkloric songs from the south, and the beat Seifer was playing became that of the Dance of The Dragon Lovers when Hayner played the first notes on his flute while Demyx accommodated his sitar onto his lap, readying himself for his part.

The initiation of the dance was traditionally narrated by the troupe leader to guide the audience through the history of the dance and its significance to their enemies in the south. It was a grand spectacle to witness when it was done with a full set of props, but they didn't need such extravagance.

The story wasn't always interpreted the same; in the south it was proof of how low the King of the Northern Kingdom had been able to stoop to use love as a mean to force the Southern Kingdom to its knees, while in the Northern Kingdom, the story stood for tragic love and the sacrifices their King had done for his people.

When Saïx's torches caught fire and lit his surrounding area with a pink-red light, the crowd gasped as the dragon had awakened and the sitar set the melody to the song that told the love story of the Dragon Princess and King Ansem.

The mask that covered Axel's face was that of their former love-struck king who had been pulled in by the enticing dragon from the south, and to the melody he circulated her, imitating her moves with his wings spread wide in hope she would notice the colors of the kingdom that was his proof of absolute power, but when he got too close the dragon spewed fire at him, and he dodged it gracefully, holding his torches up to catch the dragon's fire.

Saïx had pulled back his mask of the female beauty that had enthralled their former king to blow cheap liquor onto the fire and spew it toward Axel in rhythm with the music, and as the king's wings caught fire the dragon lost control. She was no longer the one leading the dance.

Axel watched Saïx move across the tiled ground beneath them in this dance they had rehearsed and perfected for years. Yet, capricious was this dragon of his who fought a losing battle of dominance as the crowd cheered when their fires crossed, and he smiled behind his mask when their gaze locked. The King had stolen the dragon's fire.

As they moved close together, their now shared fire burning strong, Axel spilled oil from a small container tied to his belt onto the ground. Each step was calculated to have the oil fall right. The crowd was oblivious to the small detail, their attention fully directed to the grand love story that their former king and the Dragon Princess once had shared and then lost as politics and war had come between them.

The song picked up the pace as the couple moved faster over the tiled ground. Touching was forbidden as it would reveal the love the king had for their enemy, but the temptation was stronger than him, and so, as he decided to reach out and touch his beloved one, he dropped the burning torches onto the ground.

The oil caught fire half a second before the torches hit the ground, and the pattern that Axel had drawn lit up with force, momentarily hiding the pair behind flames as the song stopped.

The crowd cheered as the oil burned out. Hayner was the first one to step forward with an empty bag of fabric in his hand and walk amongst the audience as the cheers and applauses died out, and bowing his head slightly with every donation that clinked into the bag. Axel and Saïx did the same while Seifer and Demyx propped their instruments onto their backs.

Once the crowd had dispersed, they met at the middle of the square by the well to count their earnings.

"Holy shit," Demyx breathed as he looked into all three bags.

"Does this mean that we're eating meat tonight?" Seifer's question had everyone turn to look at Axel. He was the one behind the idea after all, and no one really dared to be the first one to suggest that they could lie to Ansem about how much money they had made.

"I think it does," Axel replied.

"No, it doesn't," Saïx cut in. "We'll go back, wait for Ansem and have him decide what to do with the money." He glared at Axel disapprovingly for even making the group think that they could go out and eat when he knew that they were a part of this troupe on Ansem's mercy, but Axel seemed to keep forgetting that he had to rely on others while he recuperated.

"Oh, c'mon! We'll never get meat if we leave it to Ansem!" Hayner complained with a small stomp of his feet.

"Calm down. I know this great place down the road. It's cheap and it's got lots of meat."

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

No one stayed to hear Saïx protest, the idea of finally having meat for dinner was for too tempting to resist.

"Don't worry about it," Axel said with a soft smile when Saïx reluctantly followed. He reached into his sleeve to find his neatly folded light-brown robe, and put it on Saïx to cover him. It wasn't cold out yet, but Saïx's dress was much too provocative outside their performances for Axel to let him walk around like that.

"Just think of all the nutrition I'll get. I'll be healthier than ever."

Axel chuckled when Saïx's frown dissolved into a smile, and while his sudden increased heart rate could be explained by fatigue induced by his anemia, he would much rather think it was because Saïx held his hand tightly as they hurried after the others.

**~o~**

The small restaurant was packed with dining guests, and in a corner at the far back sat the small troupe, eating to their hearts' content. On their table was a multitude of small plates with different dishes of their choice, colorful and appetizing. All of it for a small price after much anticipation.

"How come we haven't done this number before? You've been here for what? Three, four months?"

"Politics," Hayner answered when Axel couldn't.

"C'mon, Seifer, even I know about the politics." Demyx beat Seifer to a dumpling with a proud look on his face.

"What stupid politics?"

"The new king doesn't like having his family history on display. Did you know that a few artists were decapitated for doing paintings of King Ansem and the Dragon Princess?" Hayner stared wide-eyed at his companions, waiting for a reaction of awe.

"Don't lie."

"I'm not lying, Axel! It's true. They said that the new king was so furious that he had the guards fetch the artists and had them killed right in front of him."

"Where did you even hear that?" Saïx asked.

"From well-informed people!"

"Bullshit," Seifer cut in. "You think that King Ansem or anyone in his court would let his sorry excuse of a son kill his own people for stuff that actually happened? He's just peeved that he's stuck in the shadow of his father. I know I'd be if I had shoes that big to fill."

"Does it even matter, guys? Who gets royalty anyway? Let's just all agree that we need to do numbers like these more often because I'm getting used to food."

Hayner pushed Demyx lightly with a smile. Demyx wasn't fond of conflict, even small ones made him uneasy. Demyx was the one who had been with the troupe the longest, he had seen many other troupe members come and go, he had even witnessed some of them die of old age. Hayner had joined the troupe three to four years ago, and Seifer had joined shortly after.

Demyx wouldn't say it out loud, but he liked this group, this small dysfunctional family that they had formed all by themselves.

"When are you gonna go back up on the tightrope, Axel?" Seifer finished the last of his cheap beer and put the wooden cup back onto the table.

"You're gonna piss Saïx off," Hayner warned.

"It's a legit question. I mean no harm. I was just thinking, if they have shit like this up their sleeves I'd like to see what they can do on a tightrope."

"I'm awesome on a tightrope."

"Yeah, until you fall." Saïx was not the least bit amused by being reminded of the day he nearly lost Axel to tightrope tricks.

"I've been doing some tricks on a tightrope, _not that high up_ ," he had to add a bit louder when Saïx sighed in frustration at what he was hearing. "I figured I had to get back on that horse as soon as possible."

"Will we get to see any of it soon?" Hayner found himself asking.

"Yeah. You'll get to see it tomorrow when we perform for Ansem's buddies." Axel thought he'd be braver, but his voice faded out and he looked away when what he said registered with Saïx.

"When was that decided?" Saïx's voice was stern. The others suddenly found the wooden table very interesting when the atmosphere turned cold.

"Earlier today. It's nothing to worry about." Axel sighed.

"It won't be dangerous, Saïx. The tightrope isn't that high up and the ground underneath will be padded with a special kind of bamboo mat. If he falls – which he won't –" Demyx paused and glanced at Axel, "he'll have a soft landing."

"Why did you agree to this?"

Demyx crossed his arms and shuffled his feet underneath the table when he failed to catch Saïx's attention. They all knew why. Surely, Saïx did too, but it made little difference now when the rest of the week hanged on how Axel decided to phrase his answer. He already seemed annoyed at the fact that his health had basically clipped his wings and that he had to run everything by Saïx to not worry him.

"To gather enough money." Axel said, finally.

There was a moment of silence. Demyx kept looking down, fidgeting with his sleeve. It wasn't until Saïx let out a breath of resignation and realization that the rest of the group dared to move.

"You said that the ground was going to be padded?" Saïx turned to Demyx who looked up quickly and cleared his throat.

"Yes, with the softest bamboo mats. We haven't used them before, but the innkeeper lent them to Ansem for tomorrow. You could land head first and bounce back up like it was nothing."

"Alright." Saïx gave a slow nod of reluctant approval before he looked back at Axel and tried to ignore the small smile that played on his lips.

"If you fall," Saïx began, looking Axel right in the eye, "and get hurt, I'll never speak to you again."

"Sure you won't, love." Axel winked and sent Saïx an air-kiss to lighten the tension. He knew that Saïx was in no mood for jokes, but he played along because he was well aware that his message had come across.

**~o~**

The sun had yet to rise. A small lantern on a lonely rock in the glade was the only light in the otherwise dark and tightly packed bamboo wood. The water purled down the bedrock into the conveniently tepid water spring where Axel stood, one arm tightly around Saïx's waist as he washed his back with a sponge slowly. He peeked over his shoulder, kissing it absentmindedly and watched the water run down Saïx's back.

"You want me to wash your hair?"

"Why?" Axel asked in a murmur.

"It's all over the place, and you have lemon soda in it and whatnot to keep it like that. The bees are going to eat you alive."

Saïx pulled on one of Axel's spikes gently. The hair-do was part of the show. Axel's red hair helped emphasizing the fire, but the way it stood up now made him look like a defensive dragon.

"It's gonna curl if you wash it now."

"Yeah, but we're not gonna do any royalty-related numbers today, so you might as well walk around with curly hair. Besides, you'll look adorable."

"Adorable?" He stood upright as he left a trail of kisses down Saïx's jawline. "I want to look fierce."

"What for?" Saïx smiled when he saw the sponge float away behind Axel. The sponge was replaced by Axel stroking his back with his fingertips lightly, it was barely a touch, but it was enough to send a chill down Saïx's spine and have him tremble as his skin broke into goose bumps.

Axel silenced the protest he knew was coming with a soft kiss. He stayed close, letting their breaths mingle between them as he caressed Saix's cheek and tilted his head back slightly.

Moments like these had come far in between since the accident, more so since Ansem decided that Saïx could be used as revenue, but it was now a thing of a past that seemed pleasantly distant when Axel dove in for a tease of a kiss only to relish in the way Saïx hurried after him, his hands cupping his face gently to lead him back into the kiss.

It wasn't until Axel rocked up against him that Saïx broke the kiss with a shaky and faint moan.

"We can't do this now."

"Why?"

"Because you're going on the tightrope and you need to save all of your energy for that." He rested his forehead against Axel's. "You idiot," he added as an afterthought.

"Well, I can't go anywhere the way I am now, let alone do any acrobatics." Axel smiled at Saïx's soft chuckle and leaned in for another kiss, but Saïx put his hand over Axel's mouth with a decisive shake of his head.

"I don't want you to fall."

"I won't," Axel said against Saïx's hand. He moved in close once Saïx put his hand away, and Axel took the opportunity to place a quick kiss on the tip of Saïx's nose. "As sure as night is dark and day is light, and happiness proves that it's right," he paused when Saïx closed his eyes at the memory of one starry night on the roof, "...because you're mine, I walk the line..."

Reminding Saïx of their past could go either way. Axel never knew if he'd be happy or upset for bringing old memories back. For a moment, it seemed like Saïx enjoyed the flashback of Lea balancing on the roof, blindfolded and frightened by how Isa would react to the poem of his choice. But Saïx caught himself giving in just in time to move away and break the momentary spell with an apologetic smile.

"What number were you even planning on doing?"

"A simple and silly one. Demyx said that there were going to be a lot of farmers at the event and that the rich guy we're performing for likes to keep things simple, so I was thinking 'The Farmer and the Merchant's daughter' routine?"

"Do you think you can go through with it?"

"I thought I could; now I'm not so sure."

"Why?"

"I'm blue-balled," he said with such playful honesty that Saïx could only laugh at the defeated shrug that followed.

The Farmer and the Merchant's Daughter-routine did have some requirements that just couldn't be met in Axel's current condition, Saïx reminded himself as he ran his arms around Axel and leaned in for a kiss.

"I don't want you to fall," he repeated in a breathy whisper just as Axel rocked up against him again and the first rays of sun shone through the dense forest.

**~o~**

The farmers clapped to the festive music and there was loud laughter when Axel made his way through the crowd, slouched and wearing a mask depicting a foolish farmer whose cheeks were red from many years of alcohol abuse.

The tightrope stood in the middle, eight and a half feet over the padded ground. It was an impressive height for the farmers, and hopefully the same was true for the wealthy old man who sat in his comfortable booth with the high, arched ceiling, accompanied by his following of four women and many body guards.

Saïx balanced his way up the tightrope to stand on his end while Axel charmed the crowd with his drunken dance and quickly walked up to the wealthy old man whom Ansem had insisted on calling Lord Fei.

He held his worn fan up high as he bowed down quickly, seemingly struggling to keep his balance as he turned again to the music that played in the background until he jumped.

The music stopped and the attention turned to the Merchant's Daughter that stood up on the tightrope, dressed in the vibrant colors of a young maiden. Saïx too held a worn fan in his hand, and once he stood firm on his end, he pulled the fan together in one swift move and looked over the crowd.

"To be up here, away from the dreadful bustle, my legs like wings could spread." He lifted his skirt up playfully and smiled.

The Farmer looked up at the sound of the Merchant's Daughter's voice. Axel pulled back his mask to be able to speak loud and clear and to keep his newly washed hair out of his face.

"Ahoy! Who is that flower in full bloom I see yonder?" He exclaimed to the crowd.

"Does not thou recognize the one and only?" Seifer asked back.

"So it is!" The Farmer looked back up to see the beautiful woman coquettishly hide behind her fan, but as soon as their eyes met, she looked away from the unworthy Farmer. "The one and only, with rose petal'd lips!"

He quickly turned back to Seifer, "O Friend, beat thee thy leather while I go pick the flower!"

The crowd cheered at the beating of the drum as the Farmer dashed to his end of the tightrope and balanced his way up to the top, waving his fan in the air with one hand to better keep his balance. Each step taken was in rhythm with the drum, and once he had come to the top, the crowd cheered as the drum beat faster and then stopped.

"My, my, there comes a fool, rash and proud!" said the Merchant's Daughter from the other side. "Never knew a fool who knew his place!"

"Oh! A tongue most untamed!" The Farmer said amused, "I am Master of this House, and I have come to bait thee!"

"A gallows-hung scoundrel is what I see. What an ill-fitting coat to hide his sores!"

The crowd laughed as the Merchant's Daughter made fun of the Farmer who tried to court her. The Farmer waved his fan at her, determined to impress the young lady.

"Oh, thorny rose! Is thy eyes closed for me?" He looked up proudly, standing straight with confidence, "Open them and see as I walk a Master's gait!"

He opened up the fan and the music started to play again as the still drunken Farmer walked down the tightrope towards the Merchant's Daughter who had to turn her back around to hide her worry for the man.

"Good Heavens!" The Farmer exclaimed once he came to the other side where the Merchant's Daughter stood no longer. The music stopped as he turned around to look out over the crowd. "I thought it would be a mere hop and a skip, but t'was longer than a runny trip to the outhouse!"

"Master gait, master bait," said the Merchant's Daughter from down below, "either way strains the balls."

The crowd was clearly enjoying their little skit as the laughter echoed all round in the town square where everyone had gathered. The Farmer was persistent and tried everything to impress the Merchant's Daughter who was looking up at him as he jumped about on the thin rope.

As the spectacle went on, Lord Fei turned to one of his servants to have him summon Ansem who stood on the other side of the stage. Their troupe leader was far from inconspicuous, and as Axel skipped down the tightrope once more, he saw Ansem approach Lord Fei to hear his request. Axel stopped at the middle of the tightrope and watched Lord Fei give Ansem a small pouch of money which Ansem accepted with a small nod and a bow.

Their deal was off. Despite the money they had made for Ansem, despite the show they were putting up now, it wasn't enough. Money was never enough.

The music had stopped and all the attention was now upon Axel who had sat down on the tightrope and pulled his mask over his face. The people were whispering amongst themselves, wondering what was wrong.

Saïx looked up at him from below, "Axel, are you alright?"

If he strained too much his legs would hurt, and there had been far too many times when his legs had just folded underneath him of exhaustion. It had been a while since he had done acrobatics on a tightrope, running back and forth.

Hayner had hurried through the crowd and out to a shop nearby to get a ladder while the others hoped that Axel would regain his composure and get himself to safety.

But Axel fell.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings: violence

 

* * *

It had all happened so fast. The frightened gasps and muffled screams from the crowd was something in the far off distance when Saïx watched Axel fall from the tightrope without even trying to reach for it. Saïx was already on his way to him when he hit the ground, the stifled thud from the fall vibrated through the bamboo mats and became a hundred times louder in Saïx's ears as he leaned over him, his breath in his throat as he pulled Axel's mask back.

Relief was the only thing that kept him from clenching his fist and hit Axel right in the face when he was met by a frown and pout as Axel sat upright and shot Lord Fei and Ansem an ugly glare. Axel didn't stay to explain himself. He got up onto his feet and stormed off, leaving the crowd to speculate.

The silence once they sat in the shack was deafening. No one said anything. They could only wait for Ansem to walk into the room and send Saïx away to Lord Fei while the others ate whatever they had earned for the day.

Axel kept glaring at the door, occasionally mumbling some of the threats he had stored for Ansem in his mind. Saïx had sat down next to him, his legs folded up to his chest. Usually he would let Axel's anger run its course, when he knew that Axel wouldn't end up getting hurt, but the way Axel was shaking his legs and clenching his fists had him worried sick.

Ansem walked in with a dark expression on his face. He held a basket with partly rotten and unripe cabbages that he flipped over right by where Seifer, Hayner and Demyx sat.

"Thank Axel for the meal you receive today."

He walked up to Axel and Saïx, his muscular frame partially revealed in the unusually plain robe he was wearing. He only had to give Saïx a glare for Saïx to know that he had to leave to meet the costumer who had bought him for the night.

"Don't." Axel grabbed Saïx's arm and pulled him back down.

"Go," was Ansem's immediate order.

Saïx moved Axel's hand away and stood back up, but Axel reached for him again to keep him from leaving.

"He's not going anywhere."

"Are you going to bite the hand that feeds you, Axel?" He grabbed the front of Axel's robe and pulled him up and threw him against the wall with ease. "Might I remind you that you have stolen from me on more than one occasion? I have given you many chances to show gratitude, and this is your last one. If you cost me one more gil, you will have to pay with your pitiful life."

Ansem stepped back and looked at Saïx, "Go!"

Axel ran past them both and stopped by the doorway to block Saïx's only way out. He stared at them both with a determined look in his eyes, "You're not going. I won't let you."

"Axel, stop." Saïx's voice was soft, he wasn't going to tell him what to do to not strengthen his determination, "I'll be back in a minute, you won't even –"

Ansem walked up to Axel and punched him square in the face, hard enough to have him struggle against unconsciousness before he fell to the ground. He stopped Saïx from getting to him, grabbing his arm tightly.

"You'll go now or he's dead. Understood?" He dragged Saïx out with him, stepping over Axel without as much as a backward glance in his direction.

**~o~**

Axel was still dizzy when he hurried down a narrow path through the high grass, running until he was faced with a high wooden wall that went around the luxurious mansion and its yard. Axel jumped up against the wall and pulled himself over to the other side.

The others had cared for him once Ansem and Saïx had gone. They had tried to keep him there, but he had made up his mind and there was no stopping him.

He quickly found a way to climb up to the second floor. All the noise and blabbering came from the first floor where most of Lord Fei's following were feasting. Axel didn't even bother to peek in through the window of the first floor, the window next to him with light seeping through the cracks of the shutters was a much more safer bet.

As soon as he pulled the window open he was met by the smell of the flowery incense he had been forced to smell upon Saïx. It was a scent meant for women – flowers were vulnerable, beautiful, and needed to be taken care of. This was a way to remind them of their natural submissiveness, and it made Axel sick.

Lord Fei wasn't in the room when Axel jumped climbed in. He froze in his tracks at what he saw. It was only for the brief second his eyes met Saïx's that he stopped, for it was a sight that forcefully reminded him of a childhood of hardships that he preferred not to think about. Saïx's face had been made pale with white powder, the color stretched down his throat and to his neck where a simple pattern had been left unpainted at the base of his hairline. His lips had been painted in a ferocious red to match the color of the robe that was hanging by his shoulders.

"Axel…"

He was almost unrecognizable like this; ashamed and frightened. Axel hurried up to him and dropped to his knees to pull off the robe Saïx was wearing.

"What're you –"

Axel wiped off the lipstick with the hem of the robe and tried to get off as much of the white powder as possible when they suddenly heard someone outside the room.

"Your clothes, Saïx, where are they?"

Saïx scrambled onto his feet and reached for his robe that lay in a pile on the floor. Lord Fei slid the door open, and the look of anticipation that had dressed his wrinkled face was replaced by anger when he saw Axel pull Saïx after him towards the open window.

"Guards!" He roared as he dashed towards them to stop them from running away, but he was an easy foe. Axel didn't hesitate. He clenched his fist and hit Lord Fei hard enough to make him stumble and fall to the floor.

They hurried out through the window and onto the small, tiled roof underneath. The blabbering downstairs was replaced by the overly dramatic screams of the ladies when the guards hurried upstairs to see to their boss.

Axel and Saïx were already over the wall when the first guard yelled out through the second floor window in their direction. They landed right by the main gates, the open road lay before them, they just had to keep running until the clinking sound of the guards' uniforms no longer could be heard. But as they turned, ready to flee, Ansem walked up the road with a small following of men that stood by him, blocking their escape route.

"I warned you, Axel." He glared at them both with repugnance, "You've run out of chances."

"Please."

Axel stepped forward, his heart was beating fast. They were trapped. They could try to put up a fight, but soon enough the guards from the mansion would catch up.

"Please, let us go."

His head flung to the side when Ansem's first hit landed. One of the men behind him held Saïx back when he tried to launch forward.

Axel looked back at Ansem, his head slightly lowered.

"Let us go."

The next hit made Axel lose his footing and he fell to the ground with a loud ring in his ears. The coppery taste in his mouth distracted him for a brief second as he checked for any loose teeth with his tongue. Ansem reached his hand out to one of the men standing beside him, and he was given a thick wooden bat.

"All which you've stolen, you'll pay back, Axel. How about you try to do your silly little tightrope numbers with broken legs? Does that seem like a fair trade?"

"Don't hurt him!"

Ansem had raised the bat, ready to smash Axel's legs when sudden screams came from the forest around them. Hayner, Seifer and Demyx ran forward armed with nothing but courage. Their screams disoriented Ansem's men who had to look around to identify their new enemies, and when they did, Saïx reached for the small scythe that the man who had held him back had hanging by his belt.

Ansem didn't have a chance to react. Saïx swung the sharp scythe through his back until he realized what he was doing. The gargling noises coming from Ansem as he gasped for air made Saïx step back with trembling hands. Axel hurried up onto his feet and grabbed Saïx by the arm before he set off down the open road away from this small village.

Hayner, Seifer and Demyx weren't far behind. They kept running, even when the air started to burn in their lungs. The phantom sound of upset guards followed them far into the dark forest and didn't disappear until they came to a small wooden bridge over a creek.

Axel helped Saïx down the bridge once he had jumped down the small distance.

"Is everyone okay?" Seifer breathed as he sat down.

"I think so." Hayner looked over at Demyx as he sat down next to Seifer.

Axel washed away the remains of makeup on Saïx's face gently before he reached for Saïx's bloody hands to wash them clean as well.

"We're fine now," he said with a soft smile. Saïx nodded slowly, not at all convinced. They didn't know how far they would have to go to find a safe place to stay or how long they would go without food. He knew Axel would argue that freedom was better than comforts, but freedom didn't come for free, and they couldn't afford it right now.

"Guys?" Demyx voice cracked and he fidgeted with his fingers behind his back. "Do you think that…Ansem is okay?"

Saïx was the only one who didn't look away from him when the question weighed over the silence that followed. Not even Demyx managed to face the others. He knew what Ansem was to them; a tyrant who benefited from their misery. He wouldn't blame his friends for not giving Ansem's possible demise a second thought, but he needed to know whether Ansem was alive and aware of his betrayal, or if he was dead, which meant that he was essentially alone in this world if his friends decided to shun him for showing affection for an unscrupulous man.

He didn't wait for an answer. He walked ahead, unsure whether they would follow or if they would let him go on by himself.

No one said much that night or during the next day when they continued to walk further away from the village most of them had called home.

They walked up a hill and saw a vast meadow with flourishing flowers underneath them. Axel looked back and sighed at the long faces of both Saïx and Demyx. He hurried over to a lonely tree and found a stick long and thick enough to work as a walking stick. The others stopped and watched Axel slouch over and close his eyes as he waved the stick across the ground before him.

"Axel, what the hell are you doing?" Seifer asked, giving him a sidewards glances he walked past him slowly.

Saïx brightened up for the first time since their last show and hurried to find a walking stick too. As soon as he found one, he slouched over and closed his eyes too, only using the walking stick to find his way.

"We don't have time to be fooling around." Hayner crossed his arms, but he found himself smiling when Axel and Saïx suddenly bumped into each other.

"Ow, ow!" They both took a step back, their eyes still closed as they tried to find each other with the sticks.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" Axel said when he tripped over Saïx's walking stick.

"You watch where _you_ _'_ _re_ going! What, you've got no eyes?"

"I won't be having no damn legs the way you're waving around that death trap of yours!" Axel brushed off the dust from his pants and suddenly looked up. "Hey, you sound like John the Blind!"

Saïx leaned against his walking stick as he sniffed the air and wrinkled his nose, "And you stink like Bob the Blind."

Demyx chuckled as both Axel and Saïx stood up straight to give each other a proper greeting, but missed each other completely and ended up on opposite ends.

"Seems like I'm over here and you're over there," Axel said as he tried to find Saïx with his walking stick again.

"No, no! _I_ _'_ _m_ over here and _you_ _'_ _re_ over there!"

"Seriously now, guys." Seifer tried to hold back a smile, but ended up laughing when Axel and Saïx missed each other again.

"Now I'm here and you're there," Axel said with a resigned sigh.

"No, I'm here and you're there!"

"Where? Where?"

"Here."

Saïx laughed quietly as he coaxed Axel into his arms and dropped the walking stick. Axel looked over at the others and saw that even Demyx seemed to be in a better mood.

"Let's go to Radiant Garden." Axel broke the hug and smiled brightly. "We'll go to Radiant Garden and put up the mother of all shows, what do you say?"

"How are we supposed to put up a show if we don't have any instruments or props?" was the first thing Seifer asked with a frown. "Look, I don't want to be a downer, but we have to be realistic about this. We have absolutely nothing."

"I have my flute if that counts for anything."

"Guys, we don't need props. We don't need instruments. All we need to know right now is where to go. My suggestion is Radiant Garden. There's lots of people, and I'm sure there's plenty of food. In Radiant Garden we can go down in history as the best street performers Radiant Garden ever knew."

"I think Radiant Garden sounds good," Saïx said.

"Yeah, I've always wanted to see the capital and this is a good a time as any. I'm in." Hayner agreed.

"What do you think, Demyx?" Seifer turned to Demyx who stretched his arms wide and put them behind his head.

"If there's food, I'm in."

"Alright, if everyone else thinks it's a good idea, I won't argue, but you better have a plan to go with this, Axel. I don't want to live as a petty thief for the rest of my life."

Once they had determined which way to go, they walked down the meadow and toward the main road that should be behind the many hills that lay ahead. Radiant Garden was at least a day away and as the sun set once more, the group decided to stop for the night and rest.

They found a good spot amongst pine trees, sparse enough for them to put up a campfire. There was a crescent moon overhead and the stars twinkled brightly. The trees barely swayed in the soft wind passing through the treetops. If it hadn't it been for the buzzing insects that came to life during the night; it would have been completely silent.

Axel sat by the fire across from Seifer. He poked the fire with a stick absentmindedly, watching Saïx walk away with Hayner and Demyx. They were going to try to find something to eat; berries, mushrooms, maybe even insects.

"How long have you and Saïx known each other?"

"A long time." Axel looked back into the fire as he pulled his knees in closer to his chest.

"You don't talk much about your past."

"The past is the past. There's no point digging around in it. Unless there's something specific you want to know?" Axel tried to hold a yawn in, but failed. "Man, I'm tired."

"There is something I'd like to know." Seifer was treading carefully. While he didn't know much about his comrades' pasts, he did know that they were both protective of each other.

"What's that?"

"Has Saïx always been – don't take this the wrong way, okay? – Has he always been a bit on the _girly side_?" He paused when Axel looked back at him through the flames of the campfire. "I'm not saying that he's a girl, it's just, sometimes he does things that are a bit _off..._ know what I mean?"

"We were brought up at a school of performing arts. They raised him to be 'girly'."

Seifer's eyes widened in surprise. There was only one kind of school of performing arts that he knew of, and while it seemed unbelievable to him that two bums like him would have attended the school he was thinking of, it would explain a lot.

"Wait – you mean _the_ School of Performing Arts? You were trained to entertain the King and his court?"

"We were kept prisoners. There's no art in being confined between four walls and being told what to do every waking moment."

"So you busted out?"

"There was an earthquake. The walls came down, we left and never looked back." Axel sighed, "Just don't mention this to Saïx, alright? That was a long time ago. We're here now and we're going to make it big our own way, and when we do, we'll truly be free."

Seifer nodded slowly. He was intrigued by the little glimpse he had gotten. Axel and Saïx had been given the chance to perform on the only stage that mattered. They had been taught the stories of the royal family, memorized every word and every movement of the classic plays, and yet here they were, about to sleep out in the forest with not as much as a dime to their name.

Prisoners or not, Seifer preferred to be a bird in a golden cage than a stray dog. It was difficult for him to understand why anyone would turn down the chance of glory to chase a dream that seemed so far-fetched.

Saïx came back with three big, yellow mushrooms. He sat down by Axel's side, the redhead reaching out for one as soon as the others had been placed onto some dry leaves. It was a strange, odd, ritual that they had. Axel was always the one to break the bread and give half to Saïx. Seifer didn't know whether it was something they did before Axel's accident or if it was something that had been born out of necessity.

"Seifer, take one. Hayner and Demyx found more and I'm sure they're nibbling on their findings."

"Guys!"

Hayner cast an odd shadow from where he stood with one arm around Demyx's waist.

"What happened?"

Hayner helped Demyx forward as he limped, wincing with each step. He had torn the lower part of his trousers, showing off his injuries. Once he had sat down by the fire, he leaned forward to see how bad it was.

"He slipped and fell. You have a set of two left feet. I told you not to go where there was no light!"

"I thought I'd found a tree of tangerines."

"We're in a forest of pine trees, Demyx." Seifer rolled his eyes with a smile.

"Here, let me see." Saïx took the third mushroom and squeezed it as hard as he could over Demyx's wound. Droplets of water fell over his leg and washed away the thin layer of blood that hadn't coagulated.

"Ow!"

"You'll be fine. It's just a scratch."

"How can you tell? What if it's infected?" Demyx tried to lean forward again but Hayner put a hand on his shoulder to keep him back.

There was a small smile on Hayner's face. "Did you know that there are flies in this forest that lays their eggs in open wounds? They're invisible until the eggs hatch and then you have meat-eating maggots digging their way out of your wound!"

"What!?"

"Hayner is lying." Saïx bathed the shallow wound with the mushroom gently.

"I've actually heard that story as well," Axel said with an eager nod.

"Come to think of it, there were quite a few townsmen who died from meat-eating maggots back in my hometown. A paper-cut was all it took." Seifer added.

"What do I do? What if I have eggs in my wound?" Demyx looked from one side to the other, shaking his hands over his knees to get his panic across.

"Demyx, there are no eggs in your wound. Don't scare him."

"…One guy had to have his leg cut off before the maggots ate him."

"Hayner!"

Seifer shoved Hayner with a laugh and nearly fell over when Hayner lost his balance. Demyx stared at both of them with relief and annoyance while Saïx washed away the last of the blood and tossed the mushroom as far away as he could.

"Okay, so there aren't any maggots who'll eat you up, but the smell of blood will attract every bear within a two mile radius."

Axel was hardly a reliable source of information anymore so Demyx turned to Saïx to confirm that the bears were just as much of a lie as the meat-eating maggots.

"That might actually be true."

"I'm attracting bears…?"

Demyx's voice was small and his face filled with worry at the thought of bears catching them off guard in the middle of the night. His heart skipped a beat in fear when Hayner pulled him in for a hug from behind, shaking with laughter at the look on Demyx's face.

"You guys suck," Demyx mumbled through their laughter. Seifer ruffled his hair and Axel pulled his nose. Demyx wasn't the youngest one amongst them, but he didn't complain when he was treated like it. This came like a sweet reminder of what they meant to him after the things that had happened these past few days.

"Shouldn't we plan for what to do to earn money when we get to Radiant Garden?"Seifer sat back and stretched his arms.

"I have an idea," Axel said. "Since we only have one instrument we'll have to do a skit where everyone participates."

Everyone paid close attention to Axel when he told them of his plan and what part they would all play in the skit that was meant to mock the King and his court. It was a dangerous move, but the happenings within the castle's four walls were the talk of the city and the towns. This was the easiest way to attract people, and as it was now, they needed money fast.

**~o~**

The constant rustling of people talking, – vendors screaming, carriages being pulled through the small spaces between the stands right by the entrance – behind the high stone walls surrounding Radiant Garden, had taken them all by surprise. Their fascination with the large city that stretched onward until the castle obscured the rest had them stopping in the middle of the narrowing road to take in the sight.

"Hey, boneheads! You either keep walkin' or I run you over!" A middle-aged man shouted, peeking from behind his large cart where he was balancing stacks of hens in cages. He kept on murmuring to himself once the gang moved from his path, until he caught up with the mass of people that slowly moved forward through the city.

"What a guy," Demyx looked after him and shook his head.

"Where to now?" Seifer turned to Axel whose attention was quickly averted to a woman wiggling down the street from her waist down. He chuckled and hurried after her, imitating her way of walking into the crowd and looking back with a mischievous look on his face.

"What the…?"

Hayner pulled Seifer by his sleeve with a laugh when Saïx walked after Axel.

"He leads the way, man, just go with the flow."

They passed by temptation after temptation on their way through the city in search for an open space. There was even more diversity in mouthwatering scents here in the city than back in their small village. Hayner had to take the task to swat Demyx's hands away from the goodies that made him stop by nearly every stand – not because had anything against stealing – but because hunger made Demyx a pretty lousy thief.

"Stay here." Axel mumbled, stepping away from his friends. He'd seen the chance to create an open space, big enough to do a small number. He rubbed his hands together and cleared his throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I ask for your attention!"

"Shaddup, country boy!" The man passing Axel by glared at him with a disapproving look and thought that he would be on his way, but Axel hurried up to him.

"Sir, you look like a man who has seen it all and been through it all. I bet you've won every bet ever, am I right?"

The man shrugged nonchalantly, but he was clearly enjoying what he was hearing, and he scoffed at Axel's question as if he was offended that anyone would assume anything else.

"O'course I have!" he said in a gruff.

"If I told you that in a less than a minute I'd have your watch and have a man come running through the crowd and do a three spin somersault in the air, would you take that bet?"

A group of young merchants stopped when they heard Axel's conversation with the old man, turning to talk to each other about the choices they would make regarding the bet with a laugh.

"The only bet I take is that yer outta yer goddamn mind, son."

"How much are you willing to bet?"

"Twenty gil!"

"Twenty gil!?" Axel asked out loud and stepped away from the man with an incredulous look on his face.

The amount of people gathering around them slowly augmented until they formed a wall around the open space. They leaned in curiously when the man held his head up high at the reaction he had gotten from Axel.

"I'm sorry, sir, I must have been mistaken in my reading on you. I thought you were a man who took chances, but twenty gil…" Axel shrugged dramatically, as if his view on the world had been shattered by the man's offering. "What is twenty gil in eternity, my good sir? Who will remember you for twenty gil?"

The man seemed baffled and tried to explain himself when a murmuring of agreement spread through the expectant crowd.

"Not even your dear mother, sir, may she rest in peace."

"A hun-hundred gil!" he announced with a slightly shaky voice. He smiled nervously when Axel applauded the new offering, inspiring the crowd to do the same.

"You may want to check your left pocket, sir. I bird whispered in my ear that your left pocket was your 'hidden pocket', and that you preferred to keep your watch there, am I right?"

The man quickly put a hand over the left side of his chest, and his eyes grew wide with panic when he didn't feel the familiar weight of his watch there.

Axel dropped the watch out of his sleeve, keeping it high up for everyone to see by holding it from the silver chain attached to the watch.

"It's a very pretty watch, sir. I'm certain that you would want it back."

"Y-yes!"

Axel tossed the shocked man the watch with a smile when they all heard a yelp from the crowd and a woman yelling 'watch out!'. Axel quickly turned to that side of the crowd, just in time to see Saïx get onto his hands and cartwheel quickly towards him. Axel went down on one knee, his hands put on top of each other, and once Saïx put a step on them, Axel boosted him up in the air where Saïx did a three spin somersault before he landed on his feet on the other side of the crowd.

The crowd that had been watching in awe clapped once Saïx had landed, and while Axel walked up to the old man who dug in his pocket for the money he owed, the others tossed coins of low value into the open space for them to pick up. It wasn't much, but at least they might be able to afford something with their earnings.

They soon learned that it wasn't only the variety of food that set Radiant Garden apart from the villages in the kingdom. The city was located on a high plateau. There were no mountains or hills to protect it from the storms and rainy clouds from the ocean nearby, and the forests were too far down to shelter the city from the harsh winds that could blow past from the mainland.

The weather was unpredictable, and for those without home, the nights turned into a risky game of survival. Especially when they could find nowhere to rest that was reasonably priced.

They had been walking for hours when they finally reached the quarters where they might be able to afford a place to stay.

The small wooden houses stood right next to each other, a small strip of a muddy road passed through the neighborhood and it split into claustrophobic alleyways between the buildings that were houses and facilities of entertainment.

It was slippery and Saïx was worried for Axel who had been straining himself all day without any rest. When Axel suddenly slipped, he was ready to catch him and keep him upright. The others dove right in to help Axel up, and he laughed at the concerned look on all their faces.

"Don't panic, it was just the mud. I could keep going all night, walk to the end of the earth and back."

"We need to find someplace soon," Saïx mumbled as he put Axel's arm around his neck to help him down the road. He knew that Axel would rather be caught dead than complaining about his aches.

"If you're tired, we'll try here." Axel said with a light shrug.

They walked up to the first building with a "Vacant Rooms" sign on the outside. There had clearly been a door in the doorway once upon a time, but it had been replaced with a piece of wood that was too small to cover up the doorway, and since it was raw wood, the humidity in the air was starting to make it rot.

"Hello?" Hayner called over the piece of wood, standing on his toes to see if there was anyone on the other side.

A scruffy man opened the door and blew smoke on them with a highly unimpressed look on his face. He smelled of cheap liquor and tobacco, and he was surely much younger than he looked.

"What?"

Hayner turned to Saïx, uncertain of what to say. Saïx was the only one who was able to read the sign anyway.

"We're looking for a place to stay. How much is one room?" Saïx asked, ignoring the stare the man gave him while he tried to figure out whether he was a woman disguised as a man or a man disguised as a woman.

"You lot are in the wrong place. I ain't got no rooms for rent."

"But you have a sign…"

The man stepped outside to look at the sign Saïx was talking about. He laughed and managed to end up in a coughing fit powerful enough to have him pop a lung. They all stood back when he gobbed and wiped the side of his mouth with his worn sleeve.

"I found that sign in the dumpster, like I'd have a clue what it said. Nimrod."

"Hey, Jin! You coming back in or what? Don't you dare run away from me. I'll win this round, just you wait," said a buff voice from upstairs, and the man called Jin looked up and turned to his late night visitors with a light shrug.

"Tough luck. Nite…" he was about to close his poor excuse of a door when Saïx stepped forward and held his hand against it.

"Can we please have the shack next door? It belongs to you, doesn't it?"

"Alright, five-hundred gil upfront or no deal."

"Five-hundred!?" Hayner gaped.

"Are you out of your mind, old man!? We'll buy your house for five-hundred!" Seifer gritted his teeth at the man, ready to step forward and punch him in the face, but Demyx held him back.

Saïx turned to Axel, "How much do we have?"

"Two hundred…" Axel answered in a whisper.

"For five-hundred gil we get to stay at the shack for five weeks, all of us. After five weeks time, if we agree to stay for longer, you'll be entitled to another five-hundred gil. We don't have that sum of money right now, but since you're a man that likes to gamble, I suggest we gamble in a game of your choice. If you win, you'll get our money and we'll leave. If we win, we get to stay here for five weeks for five-hundred gil, you'll cover what we don't have, and give us whatever you have to offer to eat tonight."

"Sounds like a plan," Jin flashed them a lopsided grin and stepped aside to let them in.

The others had no choice but to follow, uncertain whether this was a good idea or not. It wasn't like they had any say or right to the money. If it hadn't been for Saïx and Axel, there wouldn't have been any money to speak of. And for the most part they were just happy to get to sit nearby an open fire and be offered dried fish.

Axel didn't seem worried, but then again, he might be too busy trying to not fall asleep. His eyes were at half mast and he was making slow massaging motions on his thighs absentmindedly as Jin told the other man that he had a more interesting game to play and that he would have to wait.

It was hard to say what happened during the game of cards that Jin had chosen. Most of the time, Jin was the one looking confident, scoffing at Saïx's choices. For a whole hour, most of the people in the room were convinced that there would be no shack to sleep in for five weeks, and what was worse was that they would have no money to buy anything to eat. But suddenly Jin wasn't so confident anymore, he was sweating even, and by the end of the game he was chewing at the end of his homemade cigarette, frustrated as he watched the money he had seen himself winning, disappearing and turning into lodgers.

"Entrance is in the back, and there're cardboards in the alleyway…" Jin mumbled as he got up and tossed his losing deck onto the floor and walked out of the small room.

"Hey!" said the buff man who had been sitting there along with the others, "Hey! Jin!"

"Go home!" came the annoyed reply from the room next door, "your wife's gonna be on my ass if you lose your week's pay to me again. Out! The lot of ya!"

"Let's go," Saïx helped Axel onto his feet as the others hurried downstairs to get the cardboards.

Sure, the shack wasn't much better than the small room they had been living in back in the village. Fact was that it was probably a lot worse. It was smaller and the walls weren't isolated. Wind blew through the cracks in the wood and the floor was humid, but at least it offered a roof over their heads, and right outside they had a small furnace where they could cook and boil water.

Demyx and Hayner put the cardboards onto the floor in layers to keep the cold floor from sucking the warmth right out of them in their sleep.

"Home, sweet home," Axel said as Saïx stopped by the doorway for them to step out of their muddy sandals. Their socks weren't as wet as they had been before they were invited upstairs, so they wouldn't damage the cardboards as much as their shoes would.

"At least for five weeks," Saïx reminded Axel as he led him inside.

"We'll have to sleep like this," Demyx pointed from one wall to another, "we won't fit if we sleep with our feet towards the door."

"We'll all have to cuddle," Axel laughed.

"Where's Seifer?" Hayner walked to the doorway where the door stood ajar to see if Seifer was trying to find more cardboard in the alleyway.

"Get outta the way, Hayner. Hurry!" Seifer walked fast toward him with one stack of hay on his back and one over his chest. He pushed through the door and threw the two heavy stacks onto the floor with a loud exhale.

"Wua…" Demyx walked up to the large blocks and rested his hands on them. The hay smelled a lot nicer than most of what they had encountered in these parts of town.

"Where'd you find those?" Saïx looked relieved when Hayner and Seifer pulled the string holding the blocks together away to spread the hay over the floor.

"I saw them when we walked past a rundown house two blocks away, the one with no roof? I figured we'd need something more than just cardboards to keep us warm."

It wasn't long before they were all nestled up in the dry hay, lined up in the small space. Seifer was closest to the wall, furthest away from the door, followed by Hayner, Axel, Saïx and finally Demyx.

Saïx moved in closer to Axel until he could feel Axel's gentle breathing against his throat. He played with a lock of red hair absentmindedly, feeling gradually sleepier in a bed that was more comfortable than anything he had been sleeping in quite some time.

"Saïx…?" Axel murmured against his skin, stubbornly fighting against sleep.

"Mm?" Saïx smiled softly when Axel put his arm around his waist, sighing contently as he settled his hand on his lower back.

"What did the five fingers say to the butt?"

"Guys, please…" Seifer quickly cut in from his end of the room.

"Yeah, it's totally in bad taste if we're not invited," Demyx added.

They could hear Hayner shake with stifled laughter and Seifer just gave a huff of a laugh, shaking his head in disbelief at the things that came out of Demyx's mouth. Axel was already asleep, mumbling incoherently with every soft breath.

Radiant Garden was an unforgiving city, especially to those who were poor, but they had a chance here, and none of them were strangers to fresh starts.

**~o~**

It had been a fortunate coincidence for Minister Xehanort to pass over the eastern bridge that sunny afternoon. He sat in his wooden litter, hidden behind curtains of silk on his way back to the palace. It had been much easier to get through the city once the King had opened for audience at the castle every other week. The protests had diminished and Minister Xehanort didn't have to travel with a multitude of guards anymore, but there was something that was off that day, and as he heard the loud laughter from across the bridge, he pulled the curtains aside briefly to see what was going on.

On the other side of the bridge he saw a crowd of people standing around a poorly made stage with worn blankets in colors that did not match.

His carriers stopped at the single knock against the ceiling. Minister Xehanort watched the masked man with red hair step forward. On the top of his head was a crown of sticks and straw, the blue blanket he had hanging from his shoulders swayed in the soft breeze. There was no doubt in Minister Xehanort's mind that the King was being mocked.

The jokes made on him were many, even before the King decided to make a lady of the night his most preferred concubine. King Ansem hadn't counted on having his first-born son with one of the concubines, especially not when he had set his eyes on the Dragon Princess. The stories of how the love triangle had unfolded were many, but now that the current King had a concubine from the South at his arm after countless of conquests, the jokes were taken further.

Minister Xehanort let the mockery pass. He traveled the same road twice a week for almost a month when he one day brought twenty men from the Royal Guard with him and decided that these clowns were no longer welcome to mock His Majesty.

As the guards surrounded the five clowns and forced the crowd to disperse, Minister Xehanort walked forward calmly, taking every minute to study the utter fear in the young performers.

"The show is over for you dogs. You have been ceased for belittling our King and you will face your punishment as soon as darkness falls. Take them to the courtyard."

Minister Xehanort wasn't truly concerned by the King's reputation. Weak-hearted kings like theirs were never in power for long, but until the King fell it was in his interest to stand by him and show him that amongst all ministers, he was the only one the King could trust.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings: violence

* * *

 

Darkness had fallen. The courtyard was vast and surrounded by one low building that stretched around the open space and further toward the castle.

The executioners weren’t going to waste light on the lowly prisoners whom they pushed down the bricked ground toward the crosses that had been laid out for them. The lanterns hanged from bamboo poles around the crosses where more guards stood, large buckets of ice-cold water by their feet.

The five prisoners were pushed onto the crosses, their wrists and ankles were tied to the wood tightly; despite the whimpers that came from them at the realization that they were going to be tortured before they were killed.

An overseer stepped forward, dressed in a uniform that was darker than that of the other guards. He stared at the prisoners with disgust when he saw the confusion and panic in their eyes.

“What? Were you expecting a prize for mocking the King?” He yelled to get their attention.

“Is it a crime to put up a show of something that everyone’s already joking about?” Axel yelled back.

“Don’t test my patience!”

Demyx tried to hold his tears back and looked up at the overseer. Putting up a silly play about the King could surely not be so bad that they had to lose their lives for it. This had to be something that could be solved by an apology, but it was vital to identify what had been most offensive, and Demyx believed he knew what it was.

“If- if this is a-about the King’s equipment – he’s the King after all – su-sure, it doesn’t work, b-but we thought it ought to be king-sized…”

“Watch your tongue, boy!” The overseer roared from where he stood, and his voice echoed throughout the courtyard with impending doom. “Flog these fools until they bleed!”

The executioners standing by them reached for the buckets of water and threw it over them before they each lifted a long oar to hit them with.

The agonized screams hurt more than the beating. Axel quickly glanced to his side where Saïx lay tied to his cross, holding in the pain of their punishment. They had been used to this kind of treatment in the past. History had a wicked way of repeating itself, and while Axel wasn’t one to beg, he would much rather throw his pride aside than have to live through this again.

“Wait!”

The executioner stopped the ore mere inches from his back, and Axel shivered once the cool air from the swoosh of the oar hit his back. “We can’t die like this! Let us show the King. Let him see the play.”

“What?! Keep flogging!”

The executioners had hardly heard the order from the overseer when Minister Xehanort stepped forward from the shadows, his back slouched and his lips twisted in a subtle sneer.

“Hold it,” he said calmly, with a wave of his hand. He turned his attention to Axel once the overseer stepped aside, allowing Minister Xehanort to look out over the prisoners. “What did you say?”

“Let the King see the play! If we make him laugh, you’ll let us go!”

Minister Xehanort took a moment to reply. “It seems like a fair trade, but if you fail your heads will roll, is that understood?”

A small nod was all it took to seal the deal. The guards around them untied them and pulled them back to the cells where they had been kept since their capturing.

Nothing had been made better. They were still doomed. Their sentence had only been postponed, Axel knew that, but he wanted the others to believe that they had a shot of getting out of this alive.

That night, once Demyx’s sobs had died out and when the moon stood at its highest, moonlight cracking through the small bars on the door of the cell, Axel found himself doing something he hadn’t done in years.

With his hands clasped tightly and with his forehead against the humid door, he mumbled a silent prayer under his breath in hope that a greater power would do what he knew the King wouldn’t; have mercy.

**~o~**

The courtyard for entertainment was on the south of the castle, built on the top of a hill that overlooked the endless ocean outside of the kingdom’s walls.

Not a gil had been spared in building everything in the finest of materials. At the head of the courtyard was the throne where King Xemnas sat with his preferred concubine by his side, not on her own throne – for she was not a queen – but by his feet like the she-dog many rumors claimed her to be.

Down by the elevated platform where the throne was, the ministers of the court sat on each side of the courtyard to see the stage that was placed in the middle, their seats cut out in fine oak that was coated with a red shimmer.

Dancers in traditional clothing moved about on the beautiful stage to the rhythm set by the orchestra placed on the left corner. Every instrument, every note played, every dress, movement and concept was traditional. Here, in the depth of Radiant Garden, the traditions were kept alive by the Royal Court, and it seemed to dull the King’s senses to the point where he completely missed the soldiers that escorted five prisoners to a small confined area behind patterned walls that allowed them to see the stage on which they would perform.

“We’re done for, aren’t we?” Demyx looked at the dancers on stage. He was trembling with fear.

“What crazy king would find this funny? We shouldn’t have messed with him – I knew we shouldn’t have!” Hayner ran his fingers through his hair as he paced in the small space.

“It’s a do or die now. Just stick to the script, alright?” Axel pulled the mask over his face quickly, and let his sleeves cover his trembling hands.

Once King Xemnas had had enough of the traditional number he had seen over a thousand times, he waved his hand and the orchestral leader ended the music.

Minister Xehanort, who sat on the row to the right of the King, walked up to a podium by the stairs that led up to the throne to announce the special event. He stayed on the podium even when the prisoners took place on stage to watch the King’s reaction to them.

They hurried out from behind the patterned and colorful wall and onto the stage in the middle of the courtyard.

Seifer and Hayner had small drums hanging on strings around their necks, which they beat on to the rhythm Demyx set with his home-made cymbal. It sounded like drunken ruckus compared to the musical piece the Royal Orchestra had played before them.

They sat down and put their instruments aside for a second to bow to King Xemnas and his concubine on the throne ahead. Despite the focused glare from the King, it was still far from the most unnerving glare in the court. Some Ministers shot them furious looks as soon as they stepped forward.

Axel gulped as he stood up, his mask pulled back.

“The year was 1536. The Prince was out on one of the many lavish hunts in the forest that the King had bought him. Behind a pile of quails the Prince decided to take a royal leak, and from the bushes he smelled the future queen, so to speak.”

Axel pulled his mask over his face as Seifer played the drum slowly while “the future queen” emerged from the made-believe bushes, squatting over the ground and waving her fan. Axel couldn’t help but curse himself out in the back of his head all the while he wondered how in the world he ever thought this would be a good idea.

It was too late for regrets now, and nothing made it clearer than the audible mutterings from the Ministers who were more than offended when Axel had no choice but to continue with the skit that had been created for the commoners.

Axel had pulled his robe aside to take the royal leak with a large, rubbery, and much too phallic bottle that he had tied around his waist with a string. He could only hope that the King who was known to be a good-for-nothing, would live up to his name and at least be drunk at this time of day for them to have a shadow of a chance of getting out of this alive.

But the King simply stared at them blankly from where he sat on his throne. His concubine, the real future queen, didn’t seem to be entertained either.

Demyx and Hayner walked across the stage slowly, dressed in matching and bland brown robes, their masks identical, and with a small sign in papyrus hanging by their belts that read “eunuch”. With each step that Demyx took, Hayner made a jingly sound with the bracelet of bells that he was wearing around his wrist. It was meant as a sign that there was still half a man left amongst the eunuchs, and that half man would take the opportunity to court the future queen, a woman from the Southern Kingdom who was expected to be promiscuous by nature.

Witty banter was on the script, but it all escaped Demyx when he stood there with both the concubine and the King watching and hearing every insult that had so easily come from his mouth when he had been surrounded by laughing commoners.

When the skit came to a halt by the two stuttering eunuchs on stage, King Xemnas looked to his side absentmindedly, and discreetly waved for the attention of Minister Xehanort. Axel quickly rose to his feet to stop the King from giving the final orders. Axel partly blacked out by panic and hurried to Seifer to get the doll that he had stuffed underneath his robe to appear pregnant.

As much as the skit was meant to mock the King and his apparent disability to reproduce, Axel thought that if he stopped the skit now, he could make the court believe that the skit had a happy ending and that the King’s honor was restored in the world they had created.

Axel took the doll and ran across the stage to show King Xemnas that the story ended with the King having a son and thus granting his kingdom an heir, but there were soldiers in the way. Two swords crossed to stop Axel in his tracks, but the King snapped his fingers with a bored look, granting Axel permission to continue.

“If it isn’t a boy, my pride and joy...” Axel trailed off with a gulp. He couldn’t think of anything. All he could hear in his head was the hard beating of his heart and the muffled sobs from the stage.

They were going to die.

“Fool,” said Saïx and closed his fan with a swift move. “A eunuch has been getting frisky with your consorts. That child isn’t yours, but his.”

Saïx had walked up to Axel, the mask of a blushing woman over his face.

“Wh-whose is it then?” Axel turned to face Saïx with a pleading look in his eyes that the King could not see from where he sat. Not that King Xemnas would have noticed now that his attention was taken by the seemingly fearless copy of his dear concubine.

“Oh, but I can’t give Your Majesty a name for free.”

She was coy, the concubine on stage. She hid behind her paper-fan and looked away with calculated bashfulness as the King in rags tried to follow her gaze with curiosity.

“Name your price, woman!” He demanded, reaching his hand out to tap the concubine on the chin to have her face her King when she made demands.

With a giggle, the concubine grabbed a hold of the King’s hand and kneeled before him while she looked up at him with her perpetual look of infatuation.

“The price is your hand, Your Majesty. Marry me!”

It was a ludicrous sight to behold. The King in rags drew a gasp, resting his hand onto his chest in a dramatic fashion that was mostly reserved for women while the concubine held her beloved King’s hand in hers, her head tilted to her side in a way that only emphasized her love-struck expression.

And suddenly, King Xemnas was laughing.

He rose to his feet with ease, indifferent to the hundreds of people who quickly fell to the ground in a deep bow when he did. Axel and Saïx were no different from the others, they were too bowing, their foreheads nearly against the tiled ground when King Xemnas walked down the stairs to give them a look from where he stood.

King Xemnas let out a loud sigh once his laughter died, and he stared at his court with the slightest hint of contempt as he made an announcement; “This troupe of street performers will stay here to entertain me from time to time. Get their quarters ready.”

The ministers quickly looked at each other before staring at their King disapprovingly. Nothing like this would have happened during King Ansem’s reign for he knew how to respect the integrity of the court and everything they represented.

The tension lingered even after the King and his concubine had been escorted back to the castle. The ministers eyed the small troupe and mumbled things amongst themselves, but what mattered now was that no one was going to have their head roll down any courtyard today.

Axel’s heart was still beating fast. He was used to getting into trouble, but he had never come this close to drag so many down with him. This whole ordeal felt surreal, even as they were led by the guards to what would be their lodging for the time being. But when he glanced back at Demyx, Hayner and Seifer, and saw how weary they were from the adrenaline rush, the reality of it sank in and he had to take a deep breath to not let his guilt show.

Saïx reached for his hand and held it tightly, confident that the layers of clothing between them was enough to hide it from everyone around them.

The house they were showed was the most spacious living area any of them had ever seen. The house was elevated and a small staircase led up to both an entrance and an empty living room where they were told to wait for dinner.

No one really questioned the order. They were in a warm house with two bedrooms and a ceiling that didn’t leak water. It also had a porch overlooking the tiled yard outside which they could use for practice. Compared to the filthy conditions in the barracks where they had been living up until recently, this was heaven.

A group of servants came carrying a low wooden table, balancing dishes of various kinds down the courtyard and all the way into their living room without spilling as much as a drop onto the embroidered white cloth on the table.

There was no way that they would finish all of the food between the five of them, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t try as soon as the somewhat paralyzing shock wore off.

“Guys,” Seifer began and swallowed hard, “I think we made it.”

Hayner reached for a dumpling, but his hand was swatted away by Demyx. They were all partly looking at Axel, waiting to get scolded for messing up the skit so that they could apologize before they were allowed to dig in.

Axel stared back at them. It had taken him this long to realize that he had more or less become somewhat of a group leader. No one ate before the master of the house gave his blessing.

He reached for the roasted dove and pulled it in half. He reached one half to Saïx and said, “Let’s eat.”

They hadn’t had a meal like this since the night they had decided to cheat Ansem on his earnings. While they had been making money on their skits, it still wasn’t enough to maintain a manageable living standard in a city like Radiant Garden, where everything was much more expensive than what they were used to.

“Wonder why the King decided to keep us...” Seifer wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and took a deep breath to make room for more food. He turned to Hayner. “Didn’t you say that he killed everyone who made fun of him?”

“I said that he killed those who made his mother look bad – or something. I can’t remember.”

“Maybe he wants to raise our social status?” Demyx offered. “He might be a King who appreciates the truth, and no street performer I know of tells it how it really is. Lots of guys have problems getting it up, it’s good to know that you’re not alone.”

The awkward silence that followed made Demyx realize what he had just implied. He quickly tried to rephrase himself, but the slight blush on his cheeks was enough for Hayner to burst out laughing, and the rest of dumplings he had in his mouth flew out and landed everywhere.

“Shit, Hayner!” Seifer said in a half-laugh.

“Who’s gonna eat this now?!” Demyx brushed off some of the dumpling that had landed on him while Hayner swayed back and forth with laughter.

“That’s really gross.” Axel looked down at himself to see if he had gotten any on himself, not that it would matter. They were all wearing rags, scraps of fabric that they had found or stolen from around the city.

“We’re all gonna have to take a bath.” Saïx was wiping off some from his face with an amused smile when Hayner burst out laughing again just by looking at Demyx.

It was safe to say that life worked in mysterious ways. None of them would have ever thought that they would one day end up living at the castle grounds by a royal order, let alone face death so many times in less than a year and live to tell the tale; but here they were, together as the family none of them ever thought they would have.

**~o~**

The ministers rose to their feet from where they sat, by an elevated podium that stretched from the door to the throne. They quickly fell to their knees and bowed deeply as King Xemnas was escorted to his throne, where he sat down and watched the ministers sit up to greet him.

“All hail the King!”

Minister Xehanort stood up, his back crooked from years on end reading books and important documents and turned to face King Xemnas.

“We have gathered here today as there is an issue amongst the majority of ministers regarding the decision made by His Majesty King Xemnas two days ago. The ministry, your Majesty, would like to advise you on this matter as it could be harmful to the image of the Royal Court.”

King Xemnas stared quietly over the room filled with advisers that had done nothing but oppose every decision he had made since becoming king.

“His majesty King Ansem would never agree to this. There is a designated day for the populace to perform for the Royal Court, but to have a theater group with such crude storytelling living here with us is disrespectful to everything that we stand for,” said an old minister.

“Surely, that is for me to decide,” King Xemnas said, his knuckles turning white from the grip he had on the armrest.

Another Minister took the opportunity to stand up when the other sat down with a deep frown on his face; one that matched that of most other ministers in the room.

“Sire,” said the large minister, his mouth barely visible behind his bushy beard. “I must humbly remind you that your father, His Majesty King Ansem, enforced a law that prohibited festivities within the castle’s walls on all days that were not considered national holidays; with an exception of four days a year upon which the King may throw a feast for the court.”

“Yes,” yet another minister agreed. “It was a law that passed through out of respect of the inhabitants as it would increase the budget for the annual harvest festival.”

A bustling sound of whispering amongst the ministers broke out in the grand room. The King was breaking the law, what greater reason could there be for the King to revoke his decision to let those minstrels stay on castle grounds?

King Xemnas glared at the mass of blue that had since long decided to oppose his every decision. They weren’t serving him, they were serving King Ansem.

He rose to his feet and the silence was immediate.

The ministers didn’t protest when he hurried out of the room with Minister Xehanort right behind. The King rarely stayed for entire meetings, especially as of late. The ministers' protests quickly became too much and the cracks in the King’s mental stability came to light when he was overwhelmed by standing in the shadow of his father.

King Xemnas was breathing hard and pulled on the front of his long, dark, silky robe when it started to feel too tight around his throat.

“I’m the King, aren’t I, Minister Xehanort?” He stopped and looked around frantically. “How can I be when my father still reigns this kingdom? Aren’t I good enough?”

“Calm yourself, sire. You are the King. You must be strong. There are many who want the crown, sire. You must make sure to keep it, or you will become the link that breaks and ends this dynasty.”

King Xemnas took a deep breath. The anxiety in his eyes was replaced with anger and determination. He had the final word, he reminded himself, and though the matter of the minstrels was a small one, it became a matter of principles. It was certain that the ministers would protest days on end, but at that moment King Xemnas felt strong.

His working day was over for now, and he only wanted to see one person.

“Call for Lady Aqua. Send her to my room.”

“Yes, sire,” said Minister Xehanort as King Xemnas went on his way back to the castle with a group of four guards following close behind him.

**~o~**

Axel sat down onto the chair in front of a luxurious desk with beautiful carvings. He looked after the guard that had led him here on the orders of the old man Xehanort, but the guard had left as soon as Axel had sat down.

He didn’t intend on letting his worry show once the Minister stepped inside the room. Men like Xehanort could smell fear miles away – that’s how they got their power.

“I’m glad you could come on such a short notice, not to mention the hour of the day,” Minister Xehanort said in his raspy voice. He sat down by his desk and eyed some documents before he decided to glance at Axel nonchalantly.

“What do you want?” Axel asked.

“Has anyone ever told you how far you could get if you only bothered to show people some respect? Let’s not forget that if it wasn’t for me, you and your friends would be a head shorter.” Minister Xehanort’s glare was piercing and unsettling, and he seemed to subtly relish when Axel sat back to put as much space between them as possible at the insinuation that Minister Xehanort could easily have them killed.

“Your presence has upset the Ministers. They want you gone,” he continued.

“So? The King wants us here, that’s all that matters, doesn’t it?”

“It is important to the King to keep good relations with the Ministers.”

“So we have to go?” Axel rolled his eyes. The downsides with having a King who was good for nothing quickly showed, and though Axel wanted to say something about the King’s lack of power, he decided against it when Minister Xehanort glared at him again. “Fine, thank him for the food.”

“You could make fun of them, the Ministers.”

Axel stopped and turned around slowly. “Are you giving us permission to use the Ministers as material?”

“Why not? You made King Xemnas laugh. The Ministers might need something similar to lighten up. There are some truths I’m sure would amuse many of them.”

“When would we perform next?”

“You have thirteen days. Bureaucrats from around the region will be at the castle for an annual gathering. We will need entertainment, something that differs from what we usually see.”

“We’ll need a bigger troupe.”

“You’ve already got something in mind?”

“If we’re in charge of all entertainment that day, I’m going to need at least an additional twenty street performers.”

Of course he had something in mind. He remembered most parade numbers held at openings of this kind, and for this event he wanted to push the boundaries, see how far his artistic freedom went. The scare they had recently survived became a distant memory in the light of the new challenge. The ministers didn’t want him or his following here, but sadly for them, he had been given a chance to show them that to the King, they were important.

“Very well. You may hire twenty street performers. They are, however, not to stay within castle grounds.”

“But they have to be close for practice!”

“There are barracks –”

“The two houses next to where we’re staying right now are empty. They can stay there. I want my troupe gathered. I understand if you want them gone after the meeting, but once they’ve passed the audition, they’ll stay with us until that day.”

Minister Xehanort clenched his jaw. Axel knew that he was pushing his luck, but he also knew that Minister Xehanort was hiding something. He had something to gain by making them stay. He wouldn’t be willing to give a couple of minstrels free ammunition on the Ministers of the Royal Court if he hadn’t, and Axel figured he could do something good with his sudden importance.

“Fine.”

Minister Xehanort reached for his feather pen and wrote a short list with names and events on an empty sheet of paper. The meeting was over as soon as Axel received the rolled up paper. He put it inside his robe, and with an overly-polite bow, he hurried back to where the others were worriedly waiting for him to come back.

As soon as he made the corner and faced their dimly lit home across the small courtyard, he could hear Demyx scramble up onto his feet and lean in to inform the others that he was here.

Just a second later he could hear the others hurry to the porch where Demyx had been sitting on watch. Saïx was first out. He jumped the small distance from the porch onto firm ground to meet Axel halfway. Saïx quickly scanned him for any signs of injury and Axel grinned at him, pulling him in for hug and a subtle kiss on his neck.

“What are you doing still up?”

“Always with the jokes,” Saïx sighed.

“Hey! We want to hear what happened too!” Seifer called from the porch.

“Man, you’re like the worst cockblock ever,” Demyx said with a shake of his head.

“Like they’d do anything in the middle of the courtyard!”

“Let them hug it out for a second, it’s not like you have a place to be,” Demyx said with an innocent shrug that was Seifer’s cue to take a deep breath.

“Maybe Seifer wants a hug too,” Hayner suggested with a grin.

“Don’t!” Seifer said mid-inhale, but he had already Hayner’s and Demyx’s arms around him in a tight hug.

“Don’t fight it, just let it happen.” Demyx pressed his cheek against Seifer’s and Hayner followed suit while chuckling at Seifer’s rhyme of curses under his breath.

“He’s turning red, guys.” Axel stepped up on the porch and helped Saïx up.

“What did the old guy want?” Demyx was the first one to ask and he let go of Seifer to follow Axel and Saïx into the house.

“Are we in trouble?” Hayner asked while they all took a seat on the floor.

Axel glanced behind Demyx and saw that they were all prepared to sleep. Three futons lay next to each other on the other side of the room, and he realized that they had all changed into white and comfortable robes and pants. He had thought that maybe they should just leave instead of antagonizing the Ministers, but they were doing well for themselves now, and it would be a pity to go back to the shack back in the slums.

“The Ministers want us out. But–” he raised a hand to silence the protests before they began. “Minister Xehanort believes that we can charm our way into the Ministers’ hearts, which is why we’re doing a skit in thirteen days in front of the King, with a bunch of other guys with real life material.”

“Uh, isn’t that a bit risky?” Hayner slumped his shoulders with his mouth half-open at the news.

“We just got out of a big one, Axel. I don’t think we’re ready to take on the whole Royal Court,” Seifer crossed his arms absentmindedly.

“Well, if the old man said it was okay…I guess we could give it a shot. We’re protected by the King anyway. If we step on too many toes we could just leave.” Demyx looked at his friends and shrugged lightly. “Is it just going to be us entertaining the crowd all day? That might be rough.”

“Well, we were given a little bit of gold for our trouble.” Axel put a small pouch filled wild gold coins on the table and smiled at the faces they pulled when they saw their pay. “And we also got an amount of money to hire twenty street performers to help us out.”

“Seriously?” Saïx rested his hand onto Axel’s arm softly to get his attention.

“Yeah, seriously. I swear, this is what I was told and promised. It won’t come back to bite us in the ass.”

“All who vote in favor, say ‘aye’!” Demyx said loudly and was the first one to reach his hand up, followed by Hayner and Seifer.

“What do you say? If we don’t, we have to leave.”

“Let’s do it then,” Saïx said with a quick sigh and a soft smile.

“Alright!” The others cheered, and Saïx tried to join in, but Axel had seen that look in his eyes and he took a deep breath to keep his facade up for the others.

“Minister Xehanort gave me this piece of paper,” he reached it to Saïx and watched him skim through it. “I’m guessing that there are names of bureaucrats mentioned as well as certain mishaps?”

“Yeah, seems like bribery is common occurrence.”

“We’ll have to put up posters tomorrow urging street performers to come for an audition. I was thinking we could use the courtyard right outside? We’ll have to rise and shine early to get everything done and preferably have a group of twenty by the day after tomorrow. We can handle it, right?” Axel smiled at the eager nods of Demyx, Hayner and Seifer.

After a quick exchange of ideas for the skit, the group decided it was best to go to sleep and continue in the morning.

Axel and Saïx got a small bedroom of their own with paper-doors out to the porch. Axel managed to catch a glimpse of the castle that was in a not so far off distance before Saïx slid the doors close slowly. He didn’t move away from the doors, not even when he heard Axel sit down on the futon.

“Isn’t it weird that we’d end up here after everything that’s happened?” he said after a moment.

“Hey…” Axel pushed himself closer to Saïx, slowly running his fingers down Saïx’s neck to brush away his long hair. “We’re not gonna stay here. You know that, don’t you?”

“Why wouldn’t we? We’ve got everything we need. A job, food, a roof over our heads. There’s probably even medical attention.” He paused and refused to look Axel in the eye when Axel gently tilted his head upward with a touch on his chin. “What if we did wrong in escaping?”

Axel swallowed the small yelp that escaped Saïx’s lips when he silenced him with a rough kiss that slowly turned into a gentle one. He had never been good with Saïx’s self-doubt. Sometimes it had taken hours to have him let go of thoughts that etched themselves into his mind and made life seem hopeless.

They had come a long way since that time. The life they lived now didn’t leave room for self-doubt, but they were behind walls again, and though their time here was still short, it reminded them of a past that they both thought was too far gone to ever bother them again.

It was easier to break Saïx’s chain of thoughts like this. Saïx could only focus on breathing to not let any moans out when Axel pushed in deep, and though he tried to keep it in, he had Axel’s real name spill past his lips with every exhale until Axel kissed him again and again. Where they were didn’t matter as much when their hearts beat together.

The white noise in Saïx’s ears distorted his vision for a brief moment while Axel lay down next to him, his breathing shaky as he leaned in close to place soft kisses down Saïx’s neckline and pull him in closer.

“You think we woke anyone up?” Axel asked in a whisper. Saïx looked back at him and closed his eyes when Axel leaned in for a brief kiss. He shook his head; no. 

“We won’t stay here for long. I promise. We’ll just gather a bit of money, then we’re out. We’ll head down to a town by the shore, and we’ll buy a small house with a garden. Just like planned. And I’ll get us a cow too.”

“You’re not getting a cow.” Saïx chuckled.

“Why not? We have to go full circle. First thing we did was work with cows. It’ll be nice symbolism to reach our goals with a cow in the backyard.”

“You’ll have to take care of it. At the break of dawn.”

Axel pulled Saïx closer with an arm around his waist and placed a quick kiss on the tip of his nose.

“If I take care of the cow, you’ll take care of the chickens,” Axel said with a sleepy grin.

“We’re not gonna have a farm!” Saïx laughed.

Axel was quick to put a hushing finger against Saïx’s lips while laughing softly too. He didn’t put much effort in silencing Saïx now. Very few things in this world were as beautiful as Saïx’s joyous face, and there were very few things Axel found as pleasing as knowing that he was the cause of it.

**~o~**

Demyx’s laugh sounded across the courtyard outside when he managed to shove Hayner out of the way and beat him to the finish line. As soon as he stood inside he turned around and stuck his tongue out until he saw that Hayner was coming after him.

“Hey! No! I call truce! Truce!” Demyx ran away from the wide open doors to the other side of the room, holding his hands up protectively.

“You cheated!” Hayner breathed loudly, pointing directly at Demyx.

“Alright, yes! I cheated. The bet is off. Peace?” Demyx smiled and tried a kicked puppy-look, but Hayner didn’t buy it.

Hayner stuck his tongue out and decided to leave it. Instead he turned his attention to Axel and Saïx who sat leaned over a big paper sheet each, writing a message with long brushes that wafted the smell of ink every time they lifted it from the paper.

“We found good spots to place the signs,” Hayner said and tilted his head to figure out how the signs were meant to be read.

“Great. Where’s Seifer?” Axel glanced at Saïx’s sign quickly to remind himself of how to write the symbol he was currently on.

“He’ll be here in a flash. He wasn’t up for a race.”

Demyx walked around Axel and Saïx and looked at what they were writing and he crossed his arms.

“Your writing is identical. Who’s writing off whom?”

“I’m copying Saïx. My reading is not the best, but what I know, I’ve learnt from watching him.” Axel finished the last few symbols and sat up straight. “Go and get a paper sheet each and write exactly what it says here.”

“Now?” Demyx seemed discouraged by all the symbols and he looked helplessly at Hayner who had already gone to get two sheets of paper.

“Of course he means now. Here, get to work.”

Seifer arrived shortly and quickly joined Hayner and Demyx in their new task. Both Hayner and Seifer looked up at the sign that Axel had put up on the pillar in the middle of the room, doing their best in mimicking the style, but just writing in a straight line downward was enough of a challenge.

Demyx had only given the sign a quick glance before he turned around and started with his sign. No one paid him any attention until he sat leaned over his sheet, chuckling to himself while he moved the brush over the piece of paper.

“What are you up to, Demyx?” Axel asked with a sigh and walked up Demyx to see that he had doodled a picture of people dancing, juggling and playing instruments inside a courtyard marked with a crown.

“Trust me, this will attract a whole lot more people than the other signs,” Demyx said and looked at everyone who had gathered around him.

“There aren’t many street performers that can read,” Saïx agreed. “We could put this up next to one of the other signs. It just has to be near the castle.”

“Alright, good job!” Axel patted Demyx on the shoulder proudly and gave the other signs a quick look. “Seems like we’re ready to put these up. Let’s get this show on the road.”


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

The news of the audition had traveled fast. Street performers from around the city and even from neighboring villages had gathered outside the back entrance of the castle grounds. Demyx's drawing seemed to have helped a lot, and their courtyard was now full of life.

The street performers that weren't on-stage gathered around and encouraged the performing artists to push their boundaries, maybe in hopes that they'd fail in the process and take the rest one step closer to claim a spot in the twenty-man troupe.

The judges; Axel, Saïx, Hayner, Seifer and Demyx, sat on a half-built actual stage to have a better view over the performances on the courtyard. There was no doubt that the competition was rough, and though many knew that they wouldn't be doing such advanced numbers during their stay, they still decided to show off to prove how much they wanted the job.

"Wuah, look! A dragon!" Demyx sat behind Seifer and Axel. He had taken to use Seifer's head as a stress ball when he got too excited watching the performances.

A white-striped dragon danced its way onto the middle of the courtyard and it moved its head erratically to the sound of the four beating drums.

"Dude, is there something I can do to have you stop touching me?" Seifer asked unamused. He let out a sigh meant to blow his chaotic bangs away from his eyes.

"Gods, would you look at that!" Demyx shook Seifer's head when the dragon fell apart and revealed the two men underneath the coat of a white-striped dragon.

"That sucks…" Hayner looked after the two men who left the courtyard with heads hanged low.

"Why aren't you doing this to Hayner? He doesn't mind you," Seifer decided to make up good arguments, instead of just plainly telling Demyx off.

"He gets motion sickness easily. Remember that time we found out who could spin the longest? Hayner couldn't walk straight for at least three days."

"You two idiots were spinning for almost half an hour…" Seifer rubbed his eyes and made yet another decision to just take it and try his best to focus on the audition, but it proved to be a challenge when Demyx shook his head again at the sight of the midget that swallowed fire and spat it out.

Judging by the line that currently stretched around the courtyard and out and through to the high fence at the back, this was going to be a very long day.

**~o~**

The headaches came more frequently as of late. The pain always started at the base of his neck and radiated upward until it took over the back of his head. It settled right behind his ears and eyes, and all sources of light became insufferable, to the point where all he wanted was to be surrounded by soothing darkness and complete silence.

King Xemnas clutched his head in his hands, burying his face against his knees whilst his beloved concubine hurried to fetch him a glass of water and two green pills of different herbs that had been manufactured exclusively for his use.

She knew better than to talk when he was like this. She would reach him the glass and leave to inform his closest adviser that the King was sick yet again and that he would have to cancel whatever had been scheduled for him that day.

King Xemnas could hear her voice from where he lay, even though she was probably standing at the end of the hallway. Minister Xehanort's voice was accusing in tone. He had spent years trying to convince King Xemnas to spend time with other concubines since his relationship with Lady Aqya from the Southern Kingdom had proven to be fruitless. Minister Xehanort's spite for Lady Aqua had never been a secret, but as it was now, he could only bless the King's relationship with her, for her presence was the only thing that had kept his migraines at bay.

"Your Majesty." Minister Xehanort's growl of a voice came as a painful surprise and King Xemnas clutched his head tighter in his hands to make the ringing stop.

"Leave," he hissed.

"Are you certain that you're unable to attend to your meeting with the Ministers? It is important that you remind them of your position of power by expanding your presence on castle grounds. You cannot stay in your room with the excuses of headaches, Your Majesty. What would your father say?"

King Xemnas was too involved in his own pain to notice the smug look on Minister Xehanort's face when the King winced at the mention of his father. King Ansem would never miss a meeting. He was loyal to his kingdom, therefore it was prioritized above everything else; even himself.

"There are suggestions of marriage prospects, Your Majesty. Radiant Garden needs alliances as well as an heir. Do you still wish to cancel this meeting?"

"Yes. Now, leave."

"Very well." Minister Xehanort stepped out of the room, never once turning his back to King Xemnas.

It wasn't until all was silent that King Xemnas could finally release the grip he had of his own head and take a deep breath.

He knew what the Ministers would think when Minister Xehanort told them of his condition. He had already heard the rumors though everyone thought that their suspicions were kept well hidden under lock and key.

_King_ _Xemnas_ _is_ _losing_ _his_ _mind_ _,_ _just_ _like_ _his_ _mother_ _did_ _._

He had yet to have any of his subordinates killed for speaking ill of his mother, but once his headache settled into nothing but a heavy weight that blurred his vision, he wished for nothing else but to spill the blood of those who opposed him with as much as a look.

**~o~**

Axel peeked through the curtains surrounding one of the smaller courtyards that the King used for gatherings. The day of mocking the Ministers had come, and so far the Ministers hadn't as much as smiled. Part of the troupe danced in formation, beating hard on the drums. It was a powerful sound, one that was rarely heard here, and yet the Ministers seemed highly unimpressed by it.

At least the King seemed to be enjoying himself where he sat on his throne, letting his concubine fill his cup to the brim with wine.

"We're losing them." Axel sat down on the old carrier that they had been allowed to borrow for the event. It was dressed in dark purple silk with stamps that seemed to be made out of golden thread. He adjusted the pillow that he had underneath his light purple dress for a stomach and pulled down his old-man's-mask as well as the typical bureaucrat's hat.

"Alright, guys, be ready."

The men with the drums lined up and sat down by the side of the stage as they played a low march for when four men in obviously fake guardian uniforms came around the corner, carrying the carrier on their shoulders.

On the carrier sat a fat Bureaucrat, playing with the beard that came from around his neck. The four men sat the carrier down onto the elevated stage, across from the King so that even the ministers could see.

Hayner stood up and hit a small, thick cymbal. "Mr. Smith from Traverse Town!" he announced as Demyx walked out, dressed in rags and holding a gift that was wrapped up in pieces of old fabric. Each step he took was punctuated with a quick beat of the cymbal until he fell onto the floor and bowed deeply before the Bureaucrat and held up his poorly wrapped gift.

"What can I do you for, peasant?" Axel asked in a whiny voice as he stroked his fake beard.

"I'm here for the job that is rumored to be vacant, Your Highness." Demyx sat up and unwrapped the gift to reveal a golden tortoise. "And I have also brought a little something-something for you."

"A little something-something?" Axel leaned forward in his comfy seat where he lay half-sprawled.

"Yes, would Your Highness care to take a closer look? It's a tortoise in gold!" Demyx held the tortoise higher up expectantly while Axel looked at it and flipped his fan open.

"No!" He shrieked suddenly. "I cannot! It is bribery, this!"

"But, Your Highness, this old thing? It's not bribery, it's not even worth the rags it came in! Piss-colored metal, is what it is!"

Axel had looked up through the mask he was wearing and caught the sight of King Xemnas chuckling through a smile that looked more like a sneer. He shrugged off the uneasy feeling and turned his attention to Demyx as soon as it had gone.

"I cannot accept it!"

"Is your heart immovable in this matter?"

"It is!"

"Is it really? Is it truly, verily so?"

"May the Earth swallow me where I sit if I ever accept such a thing!" Axel turned his back to Demyx and waved his fan about nonchalantly.

"Well, aren't you a hard nut to crack? Fine!" Demyx turned to leave with his gift, but Hayner waved for his attention as he stood up.

"Wait! Isn't your technique a little rough around the edges? There's always a way, you just have to be a little more subtle!"

Demyx looked ahead as if the idea had just come from a voice inside his head and he nodded determinately before he turned back around with a pitiful look on his face.

"I must return home with the shame of failure written all over my face, but I am broke. So if His Highness could take this off my hands for merely a nickel?"

In a split second Axel had his eyes on the golden tortoise again and with a wag of his fan he announced loudly in his whiny voice, "Well, in that case, I'll take two!"

The troupe rose to their feet, playing on their instruments while dancing back onto the empty courtyard between the stage and the throne. The King was laughing and his concubine joined him, but the ministers looked as discontent as ever. Axel gulped when he noticed one of the ministers stare blankly ahead as one of the servants came with his third bottle of wine.

The rumors Axel had heard about King Xemnas floated around his head until he had to return to his seat while his troupe finished playing the song.

The sound of the cymbal brought the attention back to the stage where the Bureaucrat had received the visit of the eager wife of one of the men who had come in for the rumored vacant post.

Saïx was dressed in a typical middle-class attire for women. He had put his hair up to make it seem like it laced together with the ring of braided hair around his head, a coiffure that was customary amongst middle-class women.

The Wife sat down next to the Bureaucrat and reached him an envelope filled with money, but the Bureaucrat moved it away with his fan.

"No, Madam, not in this manner!" he said and turned to look away from the insistent Wife.

"But, Sire, it is all I have. Please take it…as a favor for my husband…"

"I desist!"

"Would Sire do it for me then?" The Wife leaned in closer, leaving the envelope on the Bureaucrat's side as an excuse to slip her hand inside his robe.

"Madam – madam, please, control yourself…" The Bureaucrat made no effort to sound convincing, and the Ministers stared horrified at the insinuation that they would give titles away in exchange, not only for bribes, but for 'special favors' as well.

The King didn't seemed to have anything against that insinuation however, and it was difficult to tell if he was amused by the skit or by the looks on the Ministers' faces.

King Xemnas suddenly rose to his feet, and everyone bowed deeply, even Axel and Saïx stepped down from the carrier and bowed their foreheads to the floor when King Xemnas came running up to them. He fell to his knees and took his crown off to offer it as a bribe to the Bureaucrat.

The gems glistened in the sunlight. The crown had been in the Royal Family for generations, and the gasps from the Ministers as King Xemnas put it on the ground did not go by unnoticed.

"As a token of my appreciation!" King Xemnas said, trying to mimic the Bureaucrat's squeaky voice.

Axel glanced at the King whenever he dared to raise his head high enough. He couldn't hide behind his mask because he had pulled it over his head as soon as he saw the King stand up.

King Xemnas caught his stare and nodded at him with a crazy smile that could easily have belong to the many mentally ill beggars out on Radiant Garden's streets.

"Go on," King Xemnas urged and pushed the crown closer to Axel.

Axel sat up and reached for the crown to inspect it. His heart was in his throat, but a King's order was a King's order, especially when they were in his territory. Axel put the crown back onto the ground and pushed it towards King Xemnas with a high-pitched scoff.

"This will not do!" He said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I dislike odd-shaped things!"

King Xemnas' smile quickly vanished and he seemed bewildered by the lack of value the crown had to the Bureaucrat.

"Something like this might do." Axel drew a curvaceous figure in the air and gave King Xemnas a quick nod.

Everyone at the courtyard watched the King stand up and look around frantically for something that could appease the Bureaucrat enough to receive his bribe and make him a part of the skit. He ran up to one of the small tables by one of the Ministers and took an elongated and round bottle of white porcelain.

Axel had been watching all along, and he looked away as soon as King Xemnas came running back. The King bowed again and reached his new-found item to the Bureaucrat, certain that it was enough.

"No, no, no! You just don't get it, do you?" came the whiny voice again. "Look. Something like this." Axel mentally kicked himself for not putting an end to it there. He used both of his hand to draw the same figure in the air again. "Get it?"

King Xemnas nodded and hurried back to where his elegant concubine sat. He grabbed her arm and dragged her with him back to the Bureaucrat to give her to him as the bribe he had been asking for.

"Yes, that's it!"

Hayner quickly hit the cymbal to mark the end of the skit and the troupe danced back out on the courtyard, playing a festive tune with their instruments. As soon as King Xemnas stood back up, his focus diverted by the dancers in the colorful costumes, Axel sighed in relief and got up as well when Demyx walked up to him and gave him another cymbal.

King Xemnas walked over to the Ministers with a smile on his face, the music still clear in the background.

"Let me serve you a drink, my Lords." He walked from Minister to Minister to pour them a cup of wine. Festivities weren't King Xemnas' strong suit, but he had seen how his father treated his court during celebrations, and the wine poured by the King was worth gold.

"Drink up. Today is no day to be upset."

Axel was watching the King's every step and when the King approached the Minister from Traverse Town, he knew things were about to take a turn for the worse.

"What's the matter with you?" King Xemnas asked as he put the bottle back onto the table beside the Minister who was shaking in his seat, avoiding all eye-contact with King Xemnas. "A sudden hit of conscience, perhaps?"

"N-no, Your Majesty. I w-would ne-never…" the Minister dropped his cup and watched the wine spill over the tiled floor. He looked up at King Xemnas, still holding his hands up as if the cup was still there. "F-forgive me, Your Majesty…please…"

King Xemnas snapped his fingers and the music stopped. The Ministers that had been staring at the performance with distaste now turned their attention to their colleague who was anything but confident under the glare King Xemnas shot at him.

"Forgive you for what? Making me look like a fool for giving you a title for free when you and your staff has been paid for them?"

"Your Majesty, p-please…"

"Guards, seize him!" King Xemnas turned around and walked back to his throne before he spoke again. "I sentence you to death for corruption."

"Your Majesty, please reconsider!" The Minister of the City of Bells called from where he sat, bowing deeply when King Xemnas glared at him.

"You want to follow the laws of my father, do you not, my Lords? Let this man stature an example of what will happen if the law is broken. We can even have a memento of this event at the doors of the Meeting Hall." King Xemnas looked at the two guards who held the shaking Minister by the arms, awaiting further instructions.

"Your Majesty!" The Minister of the City of Bells began, but King Xemnas paid him no attention.

"Off with his head. Now."

The guards didn't flinch. They had grown accustomed to these kinds of orders. Just as one of the guards unsheathed his sword and held it up high, Axel pulled Saïx around to not have him see the sword cut through the man's neck as if it had been made out of melting butter.

**~o~**

The twisted turn of events at the court had been the talk of the group since they got back to their quarters. There were already rumors that the King's sanity was long gone and the execution had only proved those rumors to be right.

"What the hell is wrong with that _psycho_ King?" Seifer mumbled for the hundredth time that day. "I don't like this one bit."

"No one does, Seifer," Hayner said with a yawn from where he lay on the floor.

"What if we get caught in the fire, huh? Doesn't seem like the King cares who gets it as long as he gets to see blood." Demyx fiddled with his toes and looked at the small dolls Saïx was fixing with curiosity.

"We're here because the King wants us to be, right? So we stay until it starts to get sketchy. When it does, we leave," Hayner suggested with a light shrug.

"What, a head flying clean off a man's shoulders ain't sketchy enough for you?" Seifer shook his head in Hayner's direction. "I think we should leave as soon as we can. When do you think that would be, Axel? How much cash do we have saved?"

"Well, as it is now, we have enough for each of us to live well for a week, so-so for three, and poorly for four. I'm with Hayner on this. We stay until things start to get sketchy _for_ _us_. When it does, regardless of how much money we've saved, we leave."

"What are those?" Demyx asked Saïx when he saw Saïx move the arms on the dolls.

"Dolls. Remember these? I made similar ones a couple of years ago." Saïx turned to Axel with a small smile on his lips.

"A couple of years ago? More like a decade ago." Axel took the one that looked like him and smiled at the mask of a fool that looked back at him. The similarity to the ones he remembered stung a little. They were from a time before everything had become complicated, before life had sullen them both with the injustices of a reality they had been completely unaware of. "Yeah…I remember."

Axel wondered how much Saïx remembered. Did he see his own rebellious self when he saw these dolls, or was he reminded of how brutally _they_ had tried to break him to have him fit the world they had built for him?

"Guys, guards…" Hayner sat up just as the guards appeared from behind the paper-doors that stood wide open.

Minister Xehanort came accompanied by two guards and he sneered at their frightened expressions before he made any attempt to dismiss their worry.

"King Xemnas is requesting your presence," he said matter-of-factly to Saïx.

"Why?" Axel rose to his feet, but stood back when the guards changed stance, holding their spears as if they were ready to attack.

"You do not question the King's order, boy."

Saïx got up and rested his hand onto Axel's arm gently with a soft smile. "I'll be back soon." He walked over to Minister Xehanort and the two guards, and though he had put on a brave face to put Axel at ease, he couldn't deny that the thought of being in the same room as the King frightened him enough to have him tremble almost as noticeably as the now deceased Minister had.

**~o~**

The inside of the castle was everything Saïx had imagined it would be; long corridors with polished floors in the finest of wood, the paper-doors were each a masterpiece of art and alongside these corridors were fine tables with vases, holding this season's bouquet of flowers. The fragrance of each bouquet filled the empty hallways and tried to divert the attention from the empty walls that had once been decorated with family portraits.

It was a prison.

The world didn't look like this. The people here could only imagine what they could encounter in the city by the castle's feet. They could only see rooftops from here and chimneys here and there, spewing smoke.

As soon as they approached the pavilion that was off limits to most inside the castle, they were ambushed by a group of eunuchs. They were armed with hairbrushes and perfume, and they tried to groom Saïx to the best of their abilities before Minister Xehanort waved them off.

He was dressed in the troupe uniform; wide and white cotton pants and a silken robe with the torso in a pale red, and white long sleeves with a red belt. At least he wasn't dressed the way he had been told he would be once he was in the King's company.

"You never turn your back to the King. When the King asks something of you, you always reply with 'if it pleases Your Majesty', when he speaks you reply with 'by Your Majesty's grace', is that understood?"

Saïx nodded with a gulp.

He was going to meet the man who had coldly ordered the death of a Minister in front of his court on a whim. There had been no trial, there had been no evidence for his corruption, and the King had gladly overlooked it in favor of showing his power. Saïx didn't want to think about it, and though he hadn't seen anything of it, he couldn't shake of the sound of the Minister's head hitting the tiled ground and the gasp of the Ministers when his body fell with a thump.

Minister Xehanort knocked on the paper-door and two servants sitting by the doors on the other side pulled the doors open and started a chain-reaction of paper-doors sliding open until one revealed the room where King Xemnas was waiting for Saïx.

Once the doors closed behind Saïx, he bowed down, still far away from where the King was sitting.

"Come closer," King Xemnas beckoned.

Saïx walked closer, still bowing deeply and deciding to stop just a few steps from where he had stopped before.

"Come up to the table," King Xemnas didn't seem annoyed when he asked Saïx to come closer, he only sighed when Saïx responded with the phrase everyone responded with.

"If it pleases Your Majesty."

King Xemnas moved away from his throne and sat down by the low table and peeked over at Saïx who had his head low.

"Let us play," he said in a low but excited voice.

The floor seemed to move underneath Saïx like a rocking boat out on rough seas, and he fought against the sickness he felt at the request that he hadn't heard in what seemed like forever.

"I-If it pleases Your Majesty…"

"That Minister ruined all the fun, didn't he? That's what they all do, but you won't, right? You wouldn't tell me what to do. Did you know my father?"

"No, Your Majesty."

"Come on then, let's see a skit."

Saïx held back a sigh of relief. He lowered his head further, thinking of what he could come up with to entertain the King. He didn't have to think for long. When the guards had come to pick him up, he had put the recently finished dolls inside his sleeves, and now he pulled them out again, easily slipping his fingers into the doll's sleeves.

The Fool ran alongside the table with The Maiden right behind. King Xemnas was captivated by the sudden appearances of the dolls and he watched The Maiden trip and fall while The Fool ran ahead. The Fool sensed that The Maiden wasn't with him anymore and when he saw her on the ground he hurried to her side, helping her back up again. Gently, he looked at her to see if she was wounded and his hand graced the side of her cheek and she looked away to hide her blush.

King Xemnas wasn't saying anything. He wasn't even looking at Saïx. Saïx had become invisible as soon as the dolls ran across the side of the table, and King Xemnas wanted to know if The Maiden was infatuated with The Fool.

The Fool looked at her and waited for her to look back at him before he tried to touch her cheek again. She was coaxed into his embrace and she was held gently. The Fool and The Maiden were running away from something, but it seemed that a break wouldn't put them in danger as The Maiden rested her head onto The Fool's shoulder once darkness fell.

King Xemnas snatched away The Fool from Saïx and gave it a look before he decided to play along. He sat The Fool in front of The Maiden and reached its hand out to gently touch her cheek just to see if he would get the same reaction.

"Why would The Maiden fall for The Fool?" he asked, resting his chin onto the table while he tried to move his doll's arms as easily as Saïx had.

"Because The Fool sees through her mask."

"What does he see?"

"Her true colors." Saïx looked up for a brief second. King Xemnas was staring at him intently. He looked different from how Saïx had seen him before. He was out of his crown, but it seemed to weigh on him, even in its absence. King Xemnas turned on the doll to look at it again.

"And The Fool falls for The Maiden?"

"Yes, Your Majesty."

King Xemnas fell into silence, studying the ridiculous face of the doll in his hand. The doll grinned at him, its eyes crossed and on its forehead three noticeable worry lines. It looked happy, sad and worried. The face of a fool came in many varieties, and this one seemed to have been stuck with all of them.

"That's why he's The Fool…that's the punch line, isn't it?"

"...If it pleases Your Majesty."

"What's your name?"

"Saïx, Your Majesty."

"Your real name."

Saïx hesitated. He hadn't thought of his real name in years. Time had made him associate it with a darker past that he had few, but vivid memories of, and for Axel's sake, he had left it behind.

"Your name," King Xemnas repeated in a more demanding tone.

"Isa, Your Majesty."

A servant knocked on the door-frame and bowed down in wait for King Xemnas to answer. "What?" he barked, annoyed with the interruption.

"Your Majesty, Lady Aqua asks for your presence."

"I have no interest in seeing her tonight."

"But, Your Majesty; _she insists_."

King Xemnas rose to his feet and walked over to the door. As soon as he pulled it open, Saïx dared to raise his head to look over the table again. There were many beautiful things in the King's chamber; colorful fabrics, art, a small collection of books, and lanterns in different sizes. There was one lantern on a small table by the throne and it looked just like the one Saïx had in his room at the annex.

Once King Xemnas had told the servant that he didn't wish to be disturbed by anyone, not even by Lady Aqua, he pushed the doors together with a loud bang and walked over to his side of the table.

"Has there even been less respect for a King?" he mumbled, darting his eyes everywhere in the room as if he saw the ghosts of all the Kings before him, admonishing him for being a weak link.

"Your Majesty?" Saïx began carefully, gulping when King Xemnas snapped out of his own thoughts long enough to look back at him. "Could you kindly pass me that lantern?" Saïx pointed at the lantern that was so much like his own, and King Xemnas reached for it to give it to Saïx.

He watched Saïx pull it open with a slightly bewildered look in his eyes. His building frustration that he seemed to fuel himself with, slowly disappeared when curiosity took over. His breathing evened out and he waited with subtle eagerness to see what would happen.

The lantern's white screen of glass stood wide open, the carvings of flowers and big leafs in the wood of the lantern decorated the improvised stage, and the light within made the screen shine a brighter white. Saïx had taken one of the thin sticks inside the lantern that had come off with the heat of the light and a small piece of papyrus that he folded into a small unidentifiable lump. He stuck them both together and watched the King's eyes widen in awe when there was suddenly a small butterfly flying tentatively across the stage.

"Once upon a time, in a land that would come to be the home of many legends, a small butterfly with radiant wings was born in a garden of roses and thorns. The life of the butterfly wasn't an easy one. The thorns would try to cut through the small butterfly's wings because the thorns didn't want anything more beautiful than the roses to grow in the garden. For a long time the small butterfly refused to use its wings. The wings were the source of everything bad that had ever happened."

Saïx put the stick with the paper away and used a simple stick to replace the distraught butterfly. King Xemnas frowned where he sat, his face partly obscured behind his arm on the table. He watched the new shape of the butterfly move across the garden, his attention never wavering.

"One day the butterfly was approached by a Rose that wondered why a thorn would ever leave the comforts of family to wander about the garden. The butterfly explained sadly that it wasn't a thorn. It showed the Rose the scars on its colorful wings and said that it would never fly again. The Rose asked why; why would you stay if you can't fly, little butterfly? The small butterfly replied that it had flown miles on end and never come across a garden as beautiful as this one."

"What did the rose say?"

"Where is the beauty in all of this if you can't be free, little butterfly? The small butterfly pondered about it. It had been here for a long time. The garden was its home. The next day, it flew back to the kind Rose that was surprised to see the small butterfly use its scarred wings. The small butterfly had a suggestion. Join me in the fight against the thorns and I will bring you the beauty of the world. The roses were mesmerized by the colors of the small butterfly's wings, and they fought together against the thorns in hope of seeing more beauty than they could ever have dreamed of."

"Did they win? Did they win over the thorns?" King Xemnas watched the small butterfly fight against the thorns that marched from one side of the stage to the other. The small butterfly was already damaged from a long time of battling, the odds were against it, despite the support of the roses.

"After days and nights of battles against the thorns, the small butterfly and the roses won. Together they build up the garden again, and soon they heard the chirps of the birds and the buzzing of the bees in the distance. The small butterfly was going to keep its promise."

The shadow of a small bird came flying slowly across the screen while the small butterfly soared over the kind Rose that had given it the courage to fight for its freedom.

"It wasn't long before creatures the roses never had seen before flew past them. The sky was full of life and the garden grew. The kind Rose wanted to thank the small butterfly for showing it a world beyond the thorns, but the small butterfly was nowhere to be found. The kind Rose searched for days until the whole garden was looking for the small butterfly, but the kind Rose soon realized that the search was for nothing. The small butterfly had been there all along. The garden was its legacy. In overcoming its fears, it had created a sanctuary for many, and in remembrance of the small butterfly's radiant wings, its legacy became known as Radiant Garden."

King Xemnas sat up slowly to see Saïx behind the screen. This was probably not the way he had learned about the coming of Radiant Garden, but the subtle smile on his lips made Saïx think that King Xemnas might have liked this story better.

King Xemnas didn't look like the bloodthirsty tyrant from earlier today. There was a certain gentleness in his eyes that made the tyrant seem like a made-up tale told by drunkards at a tavern, and for a short moment it made Saïx want to ask for King Xemnas' real name.


	11. Chapter 11

* * *

The new moon shone brightly in the clear night sky. The summer was coming to an end and the leaves on trees around the castle were shifting colors. Axel wasn't sitting outside on the porch to enjoy the scenery. Every other minute he glanced ahead in hope that Saïx would come walking down the road between the houses around their small courtyard.

The hours passed and Saïx didn't show.

In Axel's mind he had gotten himself into the King's chamber in so many ways, heroically taking Saïx with him with legions of soldiers coming after them, but he knew he couldn't; not here. The guards would not only kill him, but everyone in the troupe if he tried to do anything similar to what he had done last time.

Axel had tried to convince himself that the King wasn't looking for the kind of company he imagined. The King had every woman in the kingdom at his disposal, a castle full of servants as well as a beautiful concubine. He was expected to produce an heir, he didn't have time with fruitless relationships. Axel gripped the fan in his hand tightly and hit the back of his head against the wall behind him.

Demyx was pulling the door aside as quietly as he could, but he hadn't counted on the door ending up nudging Axel.

"Get back inside," Axel muttered.

"I am inside," Demyx said matter-of-factly.

"Close the door."

"No, we want to make sure Saïx comes back safe and sound too."

"Damn it, Demyx." Axel got up and pulled the door open to reveal that Seifer and Hayner had put Demyx on guard duty while they sat behind him, tuning their instruments. Demyx sat up quickly with a frown.

"You're just gonna start a fight with him anyway, and you'll end up waking everyone in the neighbouring houses."

"He can't help that the King summoned him, Axel," Hayner said carefully.

"I'm not angry. I'm just worried." Axel tried not to sound frustrated, but the stern look in his eyes gave him away just as much as the broken fan in his hand.

"Oh! Saïx!" Demyx scrambled up onto his knees and hands and hurried out onto the porch with Hayner and Seifer right behind when they all saw Saïx walk up to the house. "We've been waiting for you!"

Saïx sat down on the porch with a quick glance at Axel, and though he seemed to have expected the look of suspicion before Axel walked away, it didn't hurt any less.

"What did the King want?" Demyx asked and shook his arm to get his attention.

"Nothing…"

"What did you do?" Hayner asked curiously.

"We played with dolls, and I told him stories…"

"And?"

"And he poured me some wine."

"Is that all?" Demyx asked. "He wasn't all psycho, killing small puppies or anything?"

"No. He was actually quite pleasant." Saïx sounded as surprised as the others looked. He smiled at them tiredly, not even trying to hide the quick glances into the house, and they all hurried to say good night to let Saïx talk with Axel.

Axel was already in his futon when Saïx walked into their room, closing the door behind him quietly in case Axel really was sleeping. Saïx took off his uniform, changing into other cotton pants and a simple and worn camisole.

"Quite pleasant, huh?"

"Axel…"

Saïx sat down beside him once Axel sat up with a sigh and ran his fingers through his own hair. "Maybe Seifer's right. Maybe it's time to leave."

"Nothing happened. I only did the job we're here to do. You heard what happened, didn't you? You don't have to worry."

"But why would he just call for you? We're a group. I don't want you to go to him by yourself. He's crazy and who knows what he's capable of doing if he's alone with someone."

"What would he do with twenty-five people in his chamber, Axel? It's not even that big a room. We would all fit, but it would be a bit crowded." Saïx leaned his head against Axel's shoulder when Axel didn't say anything and he looked up at Axel briefly before he continued. "I told him a story."

"What story?"

"The one about the butterfly and the thorns."

Axel pulled his knees up higher and tried to hide a hesitant smile. His chest clenched, but at the same time, it was a confirmation that he didn't know he had been waiting for.

"I didn't know that you remembered it." Axel reached for Saïx's hand, lacing their fingers together as he brought Saïx's hand to his lips and gave it a kiss.

He still couldn't shake off the inkling that the King was up to something, but it was over now. Saïx was back, safe and sound, and that was all that mattered. Axel was certain that the King wouldn't want to deal with any of them in private again, and even if he did, Axel could always hope that the Ministers would oppose it to protect the traditions of the Royal Family.

**~o~**

Lady Aqua was usually up before sunrise. The time before the King woke up was the only time she had for herself, or so it had been before the King had made it a habit to call the effeminate street performer up to his room at dusk.

In the mornings she would wait for the eunuchs to escort the street performer out of King Xemnas' chamber before she stepped out of her room to wander the halls. She wanted to know what they talked about during the hours that street performer had been in there. Had they talked at all?

It wasn't merely the small sting of jealousy that made Lady Aqua wonder why King Xemnas would interest himself in someone like that street performer when there were so many of his kind in the castle. It was worrisome to see King Xemnas find an outlet for the worries that weighed him, and manipulating him became all the more difficult when she wasn't allowed the same quality time she had grown accustomed to.

Lady Aqua wasn't here for the sole purpose of being King Xemnas' concubine. Getting this close to the King was only part of the job she had been sent out here to do and she couldn't let the King slip away now.

Lady Aqua was a close relative of the famous Dragon Princess of the Southern Kingdom. She had grown up in the ruins left behind by King Ansem's army, she had seen her people die of starvation when King Ansem decided to blockade her kingdom, and she had been forced to witness King Ansem's betrayal turn into a tragic love story that had been used to brainwash people across borders.

She stopped by a window when she heard the sound of horses' hooves against the tiled courtyard outside. A horse cab had stopped by the neighbouring building where Minister Xehanort had his office. The old man stepped out of the cab. He was the greatest enemy of all in a castle filled with them, despite them both wanting the same thing; to bring Radiant Garden to its knees.

The old man was up to something. Bringing the street performers into the castle had been his idea, and he never did anything without a plan that didn't have consequences only he would benefit from.

Lady Aqua stepped outside, past the guards by the castle's entrance and straight toward Minister Xehanort's office. She didn't knock. She never did. She didn't have enough respect for the old minister to muster such small actions of politeness for him.

Minister Xehanort looked up from the documents he was working on and scoffed at the sight of Lady Aqua in his office.

"To what do I owe this immense pleasure, Lady Aqua? Surely you haven't grown tired of our King already, or is the lack of attention that dire?"

"Why is the troupe still here? The Ministry wanted them out."

"Yes, but King Xemnas decided against it. I'm sure he planned to tell you at your next meeting, whenever that would be. I hear he has found a rather interesting replacement for you."

"He needs an heir!"

"And you were going to give him an heir, Lady Aqua? It's been nearly a year since you found your way to King Xemnas' bed. Time has shown that you are as fertile as the wastelands. Now that the King has moved on, he might finally find time for his other consorts."

Lady Aqua glared at Minister Xehanort, forever amazed and scared of the malice that radiated from every feature on his face. She knew why she wanted the King and his kingdom to fall. It felt justified. An eye for an eye. But this man had devoted his life into making this reign into what it was, and now he was doing his damnedest to not only crush the pillars of the government, but also to twist the King's mind with his own insecurities until he couldn't tell wrong from right or friend from foe.

"You better start with your plan B, Minister Xehanort. That troupe won't be here for much longer."

A loud knock on the wall by the entrance made both Lady Aqua and Minister Xehanort turn their attention to the red-haired street performer who glared back at both of them. "You called?" he said to Minister Xehanort, his tone not much kinder than Lady Aqua's.

Whether he had overheard their conversation or not, it wouldn't make much of a difference. If the Ministry failed to convince King Xemnas to rid himself of the troupe, Lady Aqua would find a way to persuade him to cut him free from the long arms of bad influences that Minister Xehanort had all around the castle.

She walked past the man by the doorway without giving him as much as a glance, despite feeling his glare burn through her as if she had threatened what was most dear to him.

**~o~**

Minister Xehanort reached Axel an old book with drawings as soon as he had sat down. The book was leather-bound, the pages were thick and it smelled of dust.

"What's this?" Axel asked as he carefully turned each page. He recognized the former Queen in the paintings. She was always drawn with peach-colored flowers on her clothing or as a headdress. It fitted well with her blue hair, he remembered hearing once.

"The Mother Queen is coming for a visit. She is accompanied by King Ansem's consorts, and they have heard of your presence in the castle. Needless to say, they are intrigued by the King's decision to let you stay, and they would very much like to see you perform." Minister Xehanort leaned back against his armchair and rested his fingertips against each other.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I want you to re-enact an important part of history, the death of the Queen."

"Do you think I'm stupid? I've heard what the King does to those who trash talks his mother. If you want us out, just say so. We haven't planned on staying for much longer anyway."

"But there is a difference between 'trash talking' and telling a story, is there not? I want you to tell this story, in the way that it happened. You will receive my full support for everything that a performance like this may require; fabrics, scenery, costumes, as well as a monetary compensation of course. Ten thousand each."

Axel's resistance crumbled in the face of that number. It was an amount that would make the dream of a house in a village by the sea come within reach, but at what cost? How many more days would this have them here? How many more nights would he have to sit idly by when the guards came to take Saïx to see the King?

"I have to ask the troupe if they are willing to stay. I'll come back with an answer tomorrow." Axel closed the book slowly. He needed more time to think about this. He knew that everyone would vote against him if he told them that he wanted to leave, but he was the only one who knew about this for now.

"Very well," Minister Xehanort agreed with a smug look.

Axel walked slowly toward the doorway, but stopped. "Why does the King call for Saïx so often?"

"It is not of your concern whom the King calls for. The King does as he pleases and doesn't have to explain himself to anyone. But if you are dying to know, why don't you ask your friend? Or is he as good at lying as he is a woman?"

Axel didn't answer. He walked out of Minister Xehanort's office with the heavy book in his embrace. He wanted to leave right this minute. He wished that he could disregard everyone's needs for he would much rather live the rest of his life in poverty than losing Saïx to King Xemnas, or anyone else.

**~o~**

The head of the Minister from Traverse Town was a nest of buzzing flies, calling in for meeting everyday at noon. The Ministers had to pass by the stick upon which the head of the deceased Minister had been impaled to remind them all of what King Xemnas thought of corruption. It was a consensus amongst the Ministers that the street performers were at fault for the execution, and their presence made King Xemnas weak.

"I hope that you haven't grown tired of seeing the face of Minister Yun every day. He isn't looking his best as of late, wouldn't you agree?"

There was a small murmur of 'yes' amongst the Ministers once King Xemnas had spoken. He walked calmly down the pathway, up to his throne. He would have sat down had it not been for the Minister from the City of Bells, Minister Kuen, interrupting.

"Your Majesty, there is a fit punishment for every crime. Minister Yun deserved a punishment, but not one as harsh as the one you laid upon him. Those clowns are clouding your judgement, Your Majesty. They lack respect for the establishment and make a mockery of the Ministry."

"They are jesters, so they jest." King Xemnas said sternly.

"We are concerned for Your Majesty's well-being. It is not wise what you are doing," Minister Kuen continued. "Rumours are spreading about Your Majesty's wish for a certain minstrel's nightly visits. What will the rest of the court say when they find out about this. Do you not wish to produce an heir?"

King Xemnas stepped down from his throne and walked up to Minister Kuen who bowed slightly when the others nearly hit their foreheads against the floor.

"Are you telling me who I can and cannot meet, Minister Kuen?" King Xemnas clenched his teeth when the Minister shook his head, and before he could find a way to rephrase himself, King Xemnas grabbed him by the throat and forced him up onto his feet. "Are you telling me that I'm crazy, perhaps, Minister Kuen? What is it you are accusing me of exactly?!"

"Your Majesty!" Minister Even interrupted from where he sat across from Minister Kuen. "Minister Kuen served King Ansem faithfully, and has never wished anyone any harm. Release him!"

"Yes, he might have served my father well, so why can't he serve me?"

"King Ansem was a father to the people. He didn't engage in frivolous activities! He always put the kingdom first. You have done nothing but sully your father's work!" Minister Kuen spat. "It was an honor serving King Ansem. You are a disgrace!"

"Guards!"

Four guards hurried to the King and seized the man he pointed at. The other Ministers stared at the scene with fear in their eyes.

"If you liked my father that much, how about you join him in the afterlife, Minister Kuen? I'm certain my father would be overjoyed by your company." King Xemnas turned his attention to the guards with a short but worrisome chuckle. "Get him out of my sight."

"The people of Radiant Garden will have to suffer for your weaknesses, you petulant child! May nothing but misfortune rain upon you!" Minister Kuen yelled at the top of his lungs as the guards dragged him away. He kicked and struggled until the very end, taking his last opportunity to tell King Xemnas exactly what he thought of him.

King Xemnas looked at his Ministers with a maniacal glint in his eyes, his breathing was heavy, and though his sleeves covered his hands, the Ministers that sat up close could see King Xemnas' knuckles shift white by how hard he was clenching his fists.

"Is there anyone else who would like to tell me of their service to my father? How about we have a memorial service in his honour? It's only been six months since the last one, but you never seem to grow tired of talking about him. What do you say, Minister Even? Is there anything in the Book of Laws against memorial services for King Ansem?"

"No, Your Majesty." Minister Even bowed his head deeper as King Xemnas laughed.

"Very well then. You are all invited to yet another memorial service for King Ansem. Worry not, I will make all the arrangements for it, and I will send for you once I'm finished. You are all dismissed."

The Ministers watched King Xemnas hurry out of the Meeting Hall. Yet another Minister had suffered the wrath of King Xemnas, and though there was certain fear left once the King had left the room, they were all fast determined that something needed to be done before the King led them into total destruction.

**~o~**

Axel stepped out to the courtyard where the entire troupe was out either practicing or tuning their instruments. He hadn't said anything about the offer Minister Xehanort had made yet. He thought that the longer he stalled, the easier it would be to tell them to pack their things because it was time to leave.

Saïx sat in a small doll theatre booth that Seifer had put together when Demyx had wanted to learn how to do a good puppet-show. Saïx had agreed to teach him, and now they both sat there, on the other side of the small courtyard, talking about how to move the puppets' hands and how to express different emotions with them. Demyx didn't seem to be paying much attention. He was still amazed by the doll that Saïx had made for him, but he'd quickly wipe the grin off his face as soon as he saw Saïx frown.

They would be fine without the money, Axel thought as he turned his attention to Seifer and Hayner who sat next to each other, teaching each other different ways to make a small drum sound. They had made it this far, even without any wealth. What's another couple of years of poverty? The struggle to make their dreams come true would only make it better once they reached their goals. Axel just had to trust his friends, trust that they would make the right decision, and by right, he meant of course the decision that would put him at ease.

He walked up to the middle of the small courtyard, moving a cymbal away with his foot lightly, and he caught Saïx's attention. He smiled at Axel, and Axel smiled back, feeling a flutter in his chest. He didn't get further than formulating his intentions in his thoughts when he heard the heavy steps of soldiers around the corner of the house on the far left.

"His Majesty King Xemnas!" a soldier announced, and everyone bowed deeply as the King pushed through his guards with his breath caught in his throat.

He walked up on the elevated podium that covered most of their courtyard and picked up a drum that lay nearby. He beat on it with a drumstick and chuckled at the loud sound that it made.

"You play too!" he urged Axel that sat right beside him. "Play!"

The atmosphere quickly grew tense. People were staring at the King as if he had well and truly lost what little sanity he had left as he stood there, beating as hard as he could on the drum.

Axel quickly glanced at Minister Xehanort that stood in the company of King Xemnas' following. He was calmly watching, his face not giving away whether he was behind this or not. Axel stood up and played the cymbal in rhythm with the beating of the drum, his heart beating fast in his chest at the delirious look on King Xemnas face.

King Xemnas didn't stop until the drum burst and the drumstick disappeared into the broken drum. He tossed the drum aside with a sigh of relief and looked around as if he was lost. A few seconds passed by in silence while King Xemnas caught his breath.

"Your Majesty…?" Minister Xehanort began, but King Xemnas raised his hand, annoyed by the sound of the old man's voice.

"Silence!"

Everyone who had dared to peek at the King quickly fixated their attention on the braided floor of bamboo underneath them. The ones standing near were trembling with fear, and Axel could only watch as King Xemnas desperately looked through the crowd from where he stood.

"Isa?" he asked and turned to Axel with a questioning look. "Where's my precious Isa?"

Axel's heart dropped to his stomach. He could see himself launch forward with a primal roar and rip King Xemnas' tongue out with his bare hands, but instead of getting the reaction he wanted to show, Axel's breath hitched in his throat at hearing King Xemnas say Isa's name so casually. He hadn't earned the right to speak that name aloud. Isa didn't belong to anyone. Axel wanted to scream that to the King as he beat him into a bloody pulp, but he stood frozen to the ground, his need for air suddenly bringing him out of his trance.

Saïx stood up in the doll theatre hesitantly. The sight of him made King Xemnas sigh with relief, and as the King walked up to Saïx, Axel clenched his fist so hard that he nearly punctured the skin on the palm of his hands. The ache was in his chest, however, and while King Xemnas could suddenly breathe easy, the weight of the world suddenly found a home on Axel's chest, nearly suffocating him on the spot.

If Isa belonged to anyone, he belonged to Lea.

**~o~**

They were at the castle long before the following. King Xemnas dragged Saïx with him all the way up to his chamber, despite Saïx's protests.

Saïx wanted to hurry back. He had seen the look in Axel's eyes, and he knew that if he let Axel simmer in his anger, it would only get worse. It would be more difficult to try to explain to him why the King knew his name, and nothing would be more challenging than having to convince Axel that there was no part of him that had agreed to belong to King Xemnas.

"Your Majesty, please…"

Saïx slid down the polished floor and into King Xemnas' chamber where he was urged to sit on the throne. "No, Your Majesty, I can't…"

"Sit. I insist," King Xemnas said and his eyes lit up as soon as Saïx had taken his seat. He hurried to the nearest lantern and ran back to the table where he opened the small doors on the lantern to make a long stage, just like Saïx had done on the first evening they had spent time together. "I want to show you something."

"Calm down, Your Majesty…" Saïx said quietly, not entirely sure how he had let that slip, but King Xemnas didn't seem to take offense. He just sat down by the lantern and picked up two sticks that he had left under the rug beneath the table.

On the stage, a silhouette of an elderly man with a crown and a young child appeared. Saïx couldn't see much of King Xemnas' face behind the lantern, he turned his attention to the stage with a gulp when the child spoke in a sad and pleading voice.

"Father! Father! Please!"

"Silence! I have no time for your tantrums!"

"Please, father, let me see mother. Just this once!"

"Your mother has lost her mind. It would be dangerous for you to see her. Don't pester me with this again, you petulant child!"

The elderly man turned his back to the child and walked away, leaving the child quietly sobbing for the woman Saïx could only assume was the late Queen. King Xemnas put the sticks on the floor and moved the lantern away. He rested his head onto the table, reaching his hand out to Saïx with a bitter laugh. "Stay for a drink, Isa. You wouldn't spill the wine given to you by the King, would you?"

"N-no, Your Majesty…" Saïx stuttered. He glanced over at the door with a small hitch of his breath. He didn't want to stay for long, but he couldn't think of an excuse that King Xemnas would find acceptable enough to let him leave.

A maid walked in, her head lowered as she hurried to the table, bringing them a bottle and two glasses. She never said anything, King Xemnas didn't even look at her. She had come and gone like a ghost, and before Saïx knew it, King Xemnas had poured him wine.

"Tell me a story, Isa." King Xemnas finished his wine in one gulp and rested his head against his arm on the table, ready to hear another tale that seemed to come from another world that was far more better than the one his father had created here.

Saïx wasn't allowed to leave until King Xemnas had fallen asleep, and even then the servants seemed worried that the King would be upset if he woke up to see that Saïx had left without his permission. It hadn't bothered Saïx in the least. He hurried out of the castle and back to the small corner that had been left for him and his troupe.

The lights were out when he got there. The new moon on the clear night sky was the only source of light, and for a second Saïx thought that maybe they had left. His heart skipped a beat and he tried to listen for any ruckus, any hushed bantering between Demyx and Seifer, but there was nothing, not until Axel jumped down from the tightrope across the courtyard.

Axel was holding a thick and leather-bound book under his arm, and he walked up to Saïx with determinate steps.

"The old man wants us to do this," was the first thing he said. He didn't look Saïx in the eye, not long enough to let Saïx determine what he was feeling anyway.

"What is it?"

Axel flipped the book open and gave it to Saïx. Saïx recognized the Mother Queen and King Ansem's two other consorts almost as fast as he recognized the late Queen.

"He said that we were going to act it out as it really happened. In front of the King, his grandmother and Ansem's other wives. We're leaving. We've reached far and beyond sketchy, and I don't want to be a part of this anymore."

"Have you told the others?"

"Yeah, and they agree. We're leaving." Axel looked up finally and crossed his arms.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I think?"

"Why should I? I know what you think. You want to leave. That's what you said. No life behind walls, right?" Axel held in a breath, the look in his eyes growing sterner. "Or have you changed your mind?"

"No, I still want to leave," Saïx began, but Axel quickly interrupted before he could get any further.

"That's great. We all agree then."

"But I think we should do this first. We're not going to get this opportunity anywhere else." Saïx paused when Axel rolled his eyes and his arms fell to his sides, as if he was mentally telling himself 'I told you so'. "It won't be long, right? We do this as our last job here, and then we'll leave."

"So I guess you're gonna tell the rest of the group about the change of plans?" Axel asked, annoyed and frustrated.

"Yes, I'll tell them."

"Fine." Axel turned around and headed back to the house quickly.

Saïx walked in soon after Axel and tried to sneak past Seifer, Hayner and Demyx who lay in a row not too far away from the door into Axel's and Saïx room. It seemed that others from the troupe had decided to sleep over in this house in Saïx's absence.

Saïx was by the door to the bedroom when he felt a slight tug at the hem of his pants and he looked down to see that Demyx was awake and he looked up at him with a small frown.

"Are you guys okay?" he asked quietly.

"We're fine, Demyx. Go to sleep." Saïx managed a reassuring smile before he closed the doors behind him.

Axel was already pretending to be asleep, laying on his side, facing the door. Saïx didn't try to talk to him. He still felt like he should try to explain why King Xemnas knew his real name, but in the light of what he had seen today; the fragile man behind the façade of tyranny, he thought he was doing right in staying to do the play. Maybe it would serve as closure for the King who had never been granted the chance to mourn the loss of his mother.

There would be time to make Axel understand, he thought. In a couple of weeks, on a late night like this one, they would still share a room at night, and with the King and his court as distant memories, Saïx would tell Axel the story of how the irony of life had led him to a King that had been born and kept behind walls and forced into a role that hadn't been meant for him. Saïx would tell Axel how he had seen the face of a man that he easily could have turned into if Lea hadn't kept Isa's dream alive and fled their prison as soon as they had their chance.


	12. Chapter 12

Red curtains had been added around the private courtyard, out in the middle of the gardens. King Xemnas sat on his throne with Lady Aqua by his side. He was also accompanied by Mother Queen and his father's two other wives, that had both been beneath the Queen in terms of rank.

King Xemnas would have much preferred to be on the courtyard on top of the hill with ocean view, but the Mother Queen had called it pretentious and a waste of the family's fortune when there were many other things to attend to in the kingdom. She wasn't one to hold her thoughts to herself, and every word she uttered made King Xemnas think of his father and how much he resembled Mother Queen.

She had ignored Lady Aqua from the very beginning, though she had made sure to make comments about her to King Xemnas. King Xemnas could only let his grandmother speak her mind while he did his best to ignore her to not end up beheading her like he had done to so many others.

The scowl on her face when Minister Xehanort had told her about the plans for the evening had been more than noticeable, and she had turned to her grandson with distaste. "You have brought _rats_ into the castle?" she had asked in a tone of disbelief at hearing about the troupe of street performers in the castle. Both consorts had gasped in shock and glared at King Xemnas as if he had admitted to have released the plague within his kingdom.

Mother Queen was not amused by what she was expected to see; a play done by vulgar clowns from the streets who only had experience entertaining the peasants.

A man in the clothes of a warrior stepped out from behind the curtains and blew the battle horn to get the attention of the main audience of five.

Soldiers ran in formation out on the courtyard, holding red flags high above their heads. Blood was being shed out on the battlefields while the Royal Family were caught in the midst of a domestic crisis. The soldiers froze, their flags held beside themselves. Only a General was left moving on the middle of the courtyard, standing on a platform above a small, man-made pond. His flag had turned into a round and bright red lantern, and as he surely fell out on the battlefield, watching the sky shift red as the sun slowly set, the two consorts at the castle the General was defending, saw the same sun set as well.

"If tonight the King..." began Lady Green in a screechy voice.

"...should call me to his bed..." continued Lady Yellow as the two hurried after the light of the sun that was quickly fading. They both sighed dramatically and hmphed in their high-pitched voices.

"It's already the three-hundredth night, of my forlorn loneliness," they said in unison.

They were dressed according to the colors of their names; silky long robes, embroidered with the flowers that decorated their headdresses. King Xemnas sat upright in his throne, the bored look on his face gone as soon as he heard his father's two consorts by his side whisper worriedly amongst themselves at seeing the two minstrels portraying them.

The sun turned into the moon, and though Lady Green and Lady Yellow did their best in trying to catch it, it's light escaped them both and stopped where it had began, and in its light sat the Queen, patiently waiting under the moon as she stared out into the night that came between her and the son that watched her from the future.

King Xemnas barely noticed the growing discomfort of the Mother Queen at seeing her deceased daughter-in-law portrayed in the way that very few remembered as; with peach-colored flowers in her blue hair, pale skin and intense eyes that were always magnified in intensity with red eye-shadow.

"Will you not stop them? They are mocking your Mother!" King Xemnas heard the Mother Queen snap at him, but she was ignored.

King Ansem walked in, grand and proud in each step that he took. The consorts hurried to his side, hoping the King wouldn't notice that the moon had decided to shine upon the Queen; the King's former favorite concubine.

"My Lord, this night..." began Lady Yellow.

"Let me serve thee," Lady Green interrupted and got a foul glare from Lady Yellow.

King Ansem stared at them both through sunken eyes that were marked with black against his pale complexion. His beard had grown long and he seemed disheveled from days and nights leading a war that had separated him from his one true love; the Dragon Princess. He moved his two consorts aside and walked past them, ignoring their insulted gasps as they watched King Ansem make his way to the Queen, who waited for him still, despite his betrayal.

"Another night, another nought," said Lady Green.

"Passion swells, does it not?" asked Lady Yellow.

King Ansem walked up to the Queen slowly and knelt before her, holding his head down until she reached her hand out to gently tap on his chin. Her smile was soft, and also a testament of her heartache. The King asked for her hand once more, in hope that it would mend the hurt that he caused her, and though it wouldn't, she gave him her hand only to set his mind at ease and have him forget the troubles at home when he had to defend their kingdom.

"I ought to put an awl through her throat for wasting our King's time," said Lady Yellow as she witnessed the scene with growing jealousy.

The battle horn was blown again, and to its sound, more soldiers ran into the courtyard, holding their red flags as the minstrel dressed as the Mother Queen walked in just in time to see her son's former and most beloved concubine accept her son's offer.

Lady Green and Lady Yellow hurried to her side, well aware of the Mother Queen's utter despise for the concubine who hadn't a shred of nobility in her blood.

"Your Majesty!" said Lady Yellow loud enough for King Ansem to hear. "This is most unfair!"

"You fools!" Mother Queen burst out with fury at seeing her son settling with the lowly concubine when he had so many others to choose from.

"Whisper, whisper!" said Lady Green in Mother Queen's ear.

"She this, and she that!" Lady Yellow added.

"Stop mumbling and speak!" Mother Queen was frustrated and glared at her son's other consorts.

Lady Yellow and Lady Green leaned in closer and gesticulated as they told Mother Queen of all the appalling rumors they had heard about the Queen while King Ansem had been away. They didn't stop talking until King Ansem stepped forward to greet his mother, and as he did, Lady Yellow and Lady Green saw their chance and hurried into the Queen's chamber.

They tormented the Queen. The Queen struggled against the two consorts as they pulled at her all the while they filled her head with doubt and lies.

The moon above her rose higher, and while the light around her was dim, King Ansem turned from his mother to look at her, and when he did, he saw the Queen turning against his two consorts. Jealousy had driven the light away from her, and she saw enemies where there were none. The Mother Queen tried to make him look away, but King Ansem turned to face the Queen where she sat above the pond, a hand around the neck of Lady Yellow, and the mark of her hand on the cheek of Lady Green.

The Queen shook her head at seeing King Ansem look at her with despise. Her voice disappeared with the light of the moon. Nothing she said could change what the King believed from trusting Lady Yellow and Lady Green.

Mother Queen waved for a servant who quickly brought her a white bowl with black poison. The Queen had gone mad, and the Royal Family did not have time to be dealing with her when they were at war and while King Ansem fought against his sorrow for losing the Dragon Princess.

King Xemnas leaned forward in his seat, captivated by the tale unfolding before him, and he had gripped the armrest of his throne tightly as the servant reached the tray to King Ansem who stared at it blankly before Mother Queen on stage walked up behind him and controlled King Ansem's every move.

She made him take the tray and walk into the Queen's chamber. The Queen looked up at King Ansem, bewildered by his presence in her room and by the the tray he had brought her.

"No! I desist! I beg thee, Mother. Must you demand the death of the only other woman I have loved?" King Ansem tried to stop himself from going further, but his mother knew best, she always had.

"This woman is ill and her deviousness is infinite. She has my son's soul bewitched. Have her drink this bitter poison."

King Ansem gave the Queen the white bowl with the black poison and stepped reluctantly out of the room, his Mother still controlling his every move. He watched the Queen take the bowl in her trembling hands before she looked after King Ansem with a soft sob, and she reached her hand out after him as she looked up at the starry sky where the moon was nowhere to be seen.

"Unbounded is the King's love, but many are those who want it," the Queen said, her voice lost in the empty space that had become her world of isolation.

Lady Green and Lady Yellow watched her expectantly, knowing that their plan would soon reach its conclusion. Soon they would finally be rid of the Queen that had gotten in their way far too many times.

"He giveth me this black liquid of love, how can I refuse?" Her voice broke into a sob as she looked up from the bowl and reached her hand out once more. "My son. Dwell long in the sweetness of life, and bury me by the road the King travels on. My son!"

"No," King Xemnas mumbled, shaking his head slowly as his mother brought the bowl to her lips and drank the poison she had been offered. "Mother..."

He watched her gasp for air as the poison strangled the life out of her. He didn't even realize that he had gotten up, and as soon as her lifeless body fell and her eyes slid close one last time, King Xemnas ran up to the stage, his heart beating fast in his chest, knowing that his father had made the wrong decision.

"Mother!" King Xemnas tried to cradle her in his arms, but his mind quickly went from sorrow to thirst for revenge. For a long time he had sought the culprits of his mother's early death, and now he had them within reach. He looked up at the podium where his father's two consorts had gotten up from their seats and tried to make an escape, but he ran up to them and grabbed them both by their arms.

"Your Majesty, please, have mercy!" he heard them scream as he shoved them onto the tiled floor. They could have been out on an empty grass field in the middle of nowhere, as far as King Xemnas was concerned. He didn't see the startled faces of the street performers on stage, he didn't see that the person he had confused with his mother now was sitting up and watching him stand on the brink of insanity as he took a sword from a guard standing nearby.

"Please...!"

King Xemnas raised his sword, watching the two consorts try to crawl away, looking like just about anybody pleading for their lives, and he laughed at their faces. Nobility wasn't going to save them now, when the King wanted them dead. He hadn't counted on Mother Queen interfering. She ran up between them, holding her arms out to stop King Xemnas from proceeding.

"Gather yourself!" she snapped, seemingly fearless.

"Did you not see? They murdered my mother!"

"Nonsense! She was a woman of treachery! If you only _knew_ how she made your father suffer!"

"Silence! I will not let you murder her twice!" King Xemnas was going to walk past her, but she went for the sword in his hands and tried to take it from him. He pushed her aside hard enough for her to lose her footing and fall to the ground with a thump.

King Xemnas didn't see the Mother Queen clutch her chest in pain, he didn't hear her protests as he caught up with the two consorts who still pleaded for mercy up until the second he stabbed them through their hearts with the sword. He could only breathe easy once the consorts screams had died out, and even though the comfort of their deaths only lasted for a brief moment, it was enough to quench his thirst for blood. Instead he was overcome with sorrow for his dead mother, but when he looked back to where he thought he had left her, he could only see Isa look back at him with fright.

His sword dropped to the ground as he stepped away slowly and hurried back to the castle, whether he was followed by his guards or not, didn't matter. He just needed to get away.

**~o~**

The members of the troupe were still shocked by what they had witnessed. The Mother Queen and King Ansem's two consorts had been murdered by King Xemnas, and they all felt that this had been clearly triggered by their play. Many also felt that they had to count their blessings, and so they tried to preoccupy themselves by getting all the props back in order while others, like Demyx, were still trying to wash off the makeup with Hayner's help.

"What the hell is going on?" Seifer asked, propped up against one of the pillars. "Every time we do a show someone ends up dead. That King is beyond all hope."

"Ow, Hayner, you're washing off my skin!" Demyx sat back and fought against the reflex of rubbing his face to not get makeup in his eyes.

"Just sit still. It'll take longer if you keep interrupting." Hayner leaned over the small dolly-tub between them to wipe off a smudge of makeup with the rag in his hand.

Seifer looked over at Saïx who sat quietly across the room. He hadn't said anything the past hour. Seifer hadn't thought much of it at first, Axel was always the one to notice when something was wrong with Saïx, and he would try to fix it. The fact that Axel was running back and forth between the groups putting the props away instead of being here with them, made it clear to Seifer that there was big trouble in paradise, and they needed to sort it out as soon as possible unless they wanted problems when Saïx came up with plans on his own.

"Hey, Saïx!" Seifer called. Saïx turned his head and looked at him briefly. "Do you know anything about what's going on? Has the old man told you anything? Or maybe the King?"

Saïx shook his head and looked up at Axel when he passed by for the umpteenth time. He stopped by them with a frown, "Guys, c'mon, pack your stuff. We're leaving."

"We've been paid already?" Demyx asked and closed his eyes tightly when Hayner passed the rag over them.

"Yeah, it's all been set. We've got our cash, the old man's been informed. All there's left is for us to leave." Axel folded his robe and glanced at Saïx quickly before looking back down. "Saïx, are you done packing? Don't bring too much. We have quite a bit to walk."

"I have to speak with King Xemnas before we leave."

Axel clenched his fingers around the folded robe in his hands. Seifer looked down, and Hayner tried to distract Demyx by washing his ears. Saïx knew that Axel wouldn't respond well to it. All of them were aware that Axel had preferred if they had left before agreeing to do this play, but they had stayed because Saïx had wanted to and because Axel had agreed to it on the condition that they'd leave as soon as the play was over.

"You think you can just walk into the castle and ask to speak with the King at this hour?" Axel stared at Saïx. "What do you even have to say to him? You saw it yourself. He's a murderer who'd even kill his own family. That's his sense of justice."

"I'm not going to judge his actions, Axel. I felt that we did wrong in doing this play. If it hadn't been for me, we wouldn't have, and I feel like I should apologize before we leave."

"Do we have to wait a week before you get an audience with the King to say 'I'm sorry'? I think we've waited long enough, don't you think?"

"I'm sure I can have it done by tonight."

"Right." Axel nodded. He had seen the tense looks on the faces of his friends. They were waiting for someone to explode, but there had been enough drama for one night. "Go and apologize to the King or whatever. There's still props to be put away." Axel tossed his robe onto the floor and hurried back out to where a few men were carrying the rolled up curtains.

Seifer didn't know about the others, but he looked after Saïx when he got up and hurried to the castle to apologize to a murderer of a King who deserved nothing but despise, and he couldn't help but wonder if Saïx had been corrupted by the King's power without even realizing it.

**~o~**

King Xemnas had welcomed Saïx into his chamber as soon as he learned that Saïx was in the castle. He had a distant look in his eyes – more so than ever – but there was a certain brightness in them when he looked at Saïx, and ordered for his servants to bring him the long blue robe of pure silk.

"Your Majesty, I've come to apologize..." Saïx began as he stood in the middle of the room, eyes on the floor to remain in a semi-formal bow in the King's presence.

"For what?" King Xemnas didn't let him answer. The servants had come with what King Xemnas had asked them for and he reached for the beautifully patterned robe and walked up to Saïx with a small smile on his lips. "Take this. It's not much compared to what you have given me, but I will compensate you by giving you an honorary title."

"I can't accept this, Your Majesty. I just came by to apologize for not considering your feelings when we decided to do the play, and to bid you farewell."

"Farewell?" The small smile on King Xemnas' face was replaced by a sour frown. "You can't leave. You are part of the Royal Court now. Isn't that more important than anything else that may be awaiting you outside?"

"Your Majesty!" A servant hurried into the room, the wooden frames of the paper-doors sounding loudly when they were pulled closed behind the servant. "Lady Aqua is _demanding_ to see you. She has something important to share with you."

"Not now. I'm busy." King Xemnas didn't turn to face the servant. Saïx could feel his glare burn holes in him, and he hid his hands in his sleeves to not show that he was trembling.

"But, Sire!" The servant was distressed, pleading the King for something of substance that he could say to Lady Aqua that he hadn't said already, but King Xemnas didn't care.

"Leave us at once!"

"Would it matter if I told Your Majesty that it is a subject regarding delegates from the Southern King-"

"Leave!"

The servant bowed deeply before he hurried out of the room with a worried mumble that went by unnoticed by King Xemnas.

"Are you being forced to leave, Isa?" He asked as he paced around Saïx slowly.

"No, Your Majesty," Saïx replied without hesitation. "And please, Your Majesty, my name is Saïx, not Isa."

Each time King Xemnas said Saïx's old name, it felt like a betrayal. He shouldn't have told him about his real name. He knew that it seemed like something small and insignificant, but it had been a promise he had made Axel when they had left everything behind, and each time he heard his old name, he could only see the look of anger and disappointment in Axel's eyes.

"Isa is your real name, why shouldn't I call you by your real name?"

"Isa died a long time ago, Your Majesty."

"I am the King. The Gods speak through me. I have the power to resurrect. I can give you the chance to let Isa redeem whatever it is that he did that made you kill him. Or was that too the decision of someone else?"

Saïx wasn't sure. Had it been his decision to kill Isa and begin anew? Was it his decision to leave the palace? A part of him insisted that it was, but another part of him was in doubt and at some point in the one-sided conversation he momentarily decided that King Xemnas was right and that he wasn't ready to leave yet. But he wasn't sure if his decision would stand strong once he had to look Axel in the eye and tell him that he wanted to stay.

**~o~**

Axel was pacing back and forth underneath the tightrope on the small courtyard. He knew that it had been a bad move acting distant with Saïx, though he hadn't counted on Hayner, Demyx and Seifer knowing it too. The three of them had taken him aside, arms crossed and eyes focused as Seifer had cleared his throat before he hit Axel over the head with a couple of truths that they had all been discussing on and off for days.

It had taken him by surprise to see how much Hayner, Demyx and Seifer cared for his relationship with Saïx and how they had somehow become the glue that held the group together. They all knew what Axel had thought of the recent play, but staying had meant more money, which they now could dispose of however they pleased. For the first time in years they had money to last them longer than for just a day. They could make plans, they could invest in themselves, they could maybe even buy a piece of land and build a home, something to come back to at the end of the day.

Saïx had probably thought of that, Axel thought as he paced. It had nothing to do with King Xemnas, it was simply about their future. Axel was waiting eagerly for Saïx to come back. He was going to apologize for acting the way he had and then they would leave, ready to meet whatever was waiting for them, together with their friends.

And then, Saïx showed up around the corner, hesitantly walking forward when Axel laid his eyes on him. Axel felt his mouth fall open at the sight. The thought of apologizing was blown away and quickly replaced with the anger that suddenly felt justified at seeing Saïx wearing the dark blue Minister's robe and not having the courtesy to at least look ashamed of doing so.

Axel walked up to him, his face stern as he stopped in front of Saïx, giving him a few seconds of silence to see if he was at least going to try to explain himself, but he didn't seem to find the words, or maybe he wasn't even trying to.

"You never had an intention of leaving, did you?"

"That's not true..." Saix stuttered.

"What's this then?" Axel grabbed one of the wide sleeves and held it up in case Saïx had missed that he was wearing the colors of the monstrous King and his godforsaken kingdom. "Don't look away from me, Saïx. Why would you wear this? Might as well fuck the richest guy in town, is that it?"

Axel didn't know how he had allowed that to slip. He knew that it wouldn't solve anything, but he wanted payback for all the nights he spent waiting for Saïx to come back, wondering what was going on, only to get the blatant lie 'nothing happened' thrown in his face. But the look of hurt and disbelief in Saïx's eyes tore through him and he wished desperately for the ability to take it back.

"Don't talk to me like that."

A perfect moment to apologize passed him by when Axel decided to step in closer, matching the slowly building anger in Saïx's eyes with his own in wordless defiance. They could have solved it right there and then, but Axel didn't stay when he was angry, he walked away, somehow convinced that it would all get solved once the anger went away. He knew that he should have stayed this time, but his pride urged him to leave and had him hoping that the guilt he left Saïx with would have him apologize the next day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: physical abuse, character death, implied rape

* * *

 

King Xemnas sat on Lady Aqua's low bed, surrounded by the sprawled bed sheets and staring blankly ahead after a scheduled session of yet another attempt at reproduction.

There had been a time when he had found joy in these meetings. Lady Aqua's company had been something to look forward to. Her presence had eased his headaches, and she had calmed him whenever he felt agitated from one of his many meetings with the Ministry.

Recently, he rarely felt that way.

Lady Aqua had become a chore. Something his servants ticked off on his to-do-list. She had lost her status as sanctuary, and judging by the sharp glares she shot at him whenever he seemed exceptionally bored, she knew it too.

King Xemnas assumed that she wanted to ask him about last night, when he had decided to ignore her to help Isa see that it was in his best interest to stay. She had been spoiled, but she still knew that she couldn't demand anything from him, unless she wanted to risk angering him.

"You've taken a liking to that performing _monkey_ ," she said, as calmly as she could. "Everyone in the castle is talking about it. They saw him leave wearing a blue Minister's robe. Don't you think you've taken this too far?"

"How about you focus on your assigned duties, and I'll focus on mine, Lady Aqua?" He moved his gaze from the wall ahead to Lady Aqua just in time to see a hint of anger reflect in her eyes. "Perhaps if you stopped preoccupying yourself with other people's business, you would be with my child by now."

She walked over to the bed and sat down gently. She looked up at him, her eyes as blue as the silk he had dressed Isa in, and she pouted slightly. He had seen this tactic before. There wasn't a concubine in the castle that hadn't pulled the big eyes and a pout to get their way.

King Xemnas gave her a look of disinterest when she brushed a lock of silver hair off his shoulder, purposely letting her hand linger, and then trail down his chest.

"I'm worried for you, King Xemnas. Aren't you putting too much trust in him? He's someone who'd betray you for a nickel. Someone like that can be loyal to no one."

"Are you talking out of experience?"

"Don't insult me, King Xemnas. I'd like to believe I'm held in higher regard." She leaned in closer, pressing her lips against King Xemnas' cheek softly. "After all, you've chosen to keep me close for this long. You've chosen me to bear your heir. That's more than he's capable of, isn't it, _Terra_?"

She said that name with such affection. It was a name from another time. Not a happier time. Not for him, at least.

King Xemnas thought that it would suffice by gripping the sheets tightly, digging his nails into the palm of his hand to ignore the name that King Ansem had given him; but it was much easier to find release for his anger when his hand gripped Lady Aqua's throat instead. The confident and seductive look in her eyes was suddenly blown away as she desperately tried to breathe through King Xemnas' crushing grip.

She clawed at his arm. She tried getting her fingers between King Xemnas' hand and her throat while she gasped for air, but King Xemnas wouldn't let go. He stared her right in the eye, replying to the terror in her face with a nearly unnoticeable smirk.

"That is not my name, Lady Aqua," he said calmly. "If you knew me half as well as you think you do, you'd know that I threw away every single thing that old man tossed my way. The name he gave me was the first thing to go. Next time you let it slip, I won't be as forgiving, understood?"

By the time he released his grip around her throat, tears were running down her face. He pushed her aside and got out of bed, unmoved by her coughing as she tried to regain her breath through half-panicked sobs.

"And before you accuse someone of betrayal, you should have proof. If you want to gossip, you can go and talk to the other concubines."

The servants behind the closed paper-doors pulled them open when they heard King Xemnas approach the doors with calm steps. It wasn't until the King was long gone that the servants could hurry into Lady Aqua's room to see if she needed any assistance. By then, King Xemnas' last words had become a challenge, an urging for Lady Aqua to show him how easily she too could rip his happiness away.

**~o~**

The Ministers were out of their traditional blue clothing. They were all in white, mourning the death of the mother Queen and King Ansem's two consorts. They didn't seem interested or shaken when King Xemnas suggested that they shorten the mourning period from a month to a day.

King Xemnas had given one of the performers an honorary title and he wanted it to be celebrated.

"Your Majesty," said one of the Ministers, bowing deeply before he continued. "I understand your wish to celebrate the occasion, but to not offend the populace who held Mother Queen in high regard, how would you feel about a festive hunt instead?"

"A festive hunt?" King Xemnas glared in the Minister's direction. His initial reaction was to refuse it, but he was undoubtedly interested to hear more.

"Yes, Your Majesty," another Minister continued, exchanging a look with his colleague before he continued. "A festive hunt. Since the hunting season is so far away, we could make use of all of the performers on the castle grounds. They dress up as animals, and we hunt them in the forests. Your honorary guest would, of course, ride with you, Your Majesty, and we would all hunt with padded arrows."

The idea seemed amusing to King Xemnas. He thought of it for a minute before he rose to his feet. The Ministers bowed and waited patiently for King Xemnas to announce that the festive hunt would be the best way to celebrate the honorary title that he had given Isa.

**~o~**

There was a low bustle through the house, where most of the performers had gathered to prepare for the hunt the King had planned. Soldiers stood on the courtyard, waiting for the troupe to finish the preparations to escort them to the Royal Hunting Grounds.

Demyx peeked outside with a frown. Grey clouds were pulling in, the air was cold and humid. He turned to Seifer and Hayner who were putting some finishing touches on their masks, depicting colorful animals. They had been told that they were meant to make the hunt more believable.

"Looks like it's gonna rain," Demyx said and gave his mask a quick look with a sigh.

A group of five guards had come to get Saïx. He had been escorted to wherever the King was. Saïx had to choose a horse and change his clothes into something that was more fitting for someone with a honorary title.

It was still early. They had at least another nine hours of daylight left, but the soldiers were getting impatient. The King's orders had to be executed perfectly and no one wanted to be responsible for making the King wait.

"Hopefully the hunt will be over before it starts to rain. I don't think His Majesty would keep us out that long anyway," Hayner said, and blew onto his mask to make the color dry faster.

"He broke the month of grief to go on a fake hunting trip to celebrate him giving a honorary title away to street rat. I think that he's too far gone to give a crap about any of us," Seifer said with a scoff.

"Did Axel go already? I haven't seen him around." Demyx scanned the room quickly but saw no spot of red hair sticking out anywhere.

Axel had refused to participate in the event as soon as he learned that it was going to take place. He had managed to escape the house, but not before telling his friends that he was probably going to be waiting for them at the hunting grounds, where he'd try to get some sense into Saïx.

"Yeah, he left a while ago." Hayner put the mask over his head and pulled it up to have it rest right on his forehead. "Are you guys done yet?"

"I'm done," Seifer said with a sigh and turned to the rest of the group. "Guys, are we ready to go?"

"In a second!"

Another ten minutes passed by before they were all gathered out on the courtyard, ready to follow the guards. The walk to the hunting grounds was longer than any of them had expected, and by the time they got there, they were all a bit out of breath.

The guards quickly reached for the bags that had been left there for them and revealed bullseye boards that everyone in the troupe was meant to wear to make them easier to distinguish in the thick forest.

Demyx only had to glance at his board with a slight tilt of his head for Hayner to take it from him to put it on him properly. Demyx looked at the others struggle a bit with their boards before they asked for help while he stood as still as he could to make it easier for Hayner.

"Hey, is my board tilted?" Seifer held his arms out and looked down on the board covering his chest.

"No, the front one is fine. Turn around." Demyx looked at the board hanging over Seifer's back carefully to make sure that it had been put on right. "Yeah, you're fine."

"Hayner, you want me to do yours?" Seifer asked.

Demyx smiled as Hayner gave him a pat on his shoulder when he was done. Looking out for each other had become such a natural thing for them to do. Hayner had an unexpected Mother Hen-side to him that had taken them all by surprise when it had come to light the first time. That role had sort of been Saïx's before he started to spend time with King Xemnas. Seifer was a mixture of a big brother and unpredictable father. Hayner and Seifer had become the older siblings that had stepped in to fill for their absent parents that were in the middle of a rough patch, and for what it was worth, Demyx thought that they did a damned good job at it.

"What are you looking all goofy for?" Seifer chuckled and pulled Demyx's mask over his face.

"I was just thinking that once we leave, I'm gonna treat all of you to dinner," Demyx said proudly and pulled his mask back up.

"I'll take the most expensive thing on the menu," Seifer said with a grin.

"I'll get dessert with my order," Hayner laughed.

"Well, the joke's on you if you think that we'll go to a place with menus."

"If the dinner isn't fit for a King, I'm not interested!" Seifer announced as he threw his arm around Demyx's neck to put him in a headlock, but Demyx managed to wriggle out before Seifer could. He jumped up onto Seifer's back with a laugh at the noise that came out of his surprised friend.

"You don't look a handed-down horse in the mouth, Seifer."

"Crap, guys, King and his crew at twelve o'clock," Hayner warned right before one of the guards blew the horn to announce King Xemnas' presence.

The King came accompanied by at least twenty Ministers dressed in their blue dresses instead of the white ones they had been wearing to show that they were mourning the loss of the Mother Queen and King Ansem's two consorts. Saïx rode to the King's right, dressed in light-green silk to stand out from the Ministers. They were all armed with arrows and bows. The arrows had been padded with white fabric to not actually hurt the performers. All they had to do was to lay down onto the ground once they were "killed" by the hunters.

Demyx looked up at Saïx from where he stood at the front line. They were all wearing their masks, their faces hidden from their hunters. Demyx knew what the others thought of Saïx's apparent affection for the King, he wasn't too fond of it either because it threatened the stability they had built up for themselves, but there was something heart-wrenching about that look of confusion in Saïx's eyes as he looked at his coworkers, trying to find Axel in the crowd.

In that moment, Demyx knew that Axel would succeed in convincing Saïx to leave with them. Saïx didn't belong here anymore than any of them did. Saïx's place, his home, was wherever Axel was. He just needed to be reminded.

As the horn was blown again for their thirty second head start, Demyx felt hopeful and he ran happily through the forest to find a good hiding spot with a goofy smile behind his mask. He was certain that they would soon all sit gathered around a table in a cheap restaurant, eating together like they had done before, planning for their future together as the best act Radiant Garden ever knew.

**~o~**

The dark brown stallion could feel Saïx's anxiety as it moved back and forth restlessly before they were allowed to start the hunt. Saïx wasn't that familiar with horses. He had spent a few months at a farm with Axel during one of their first years out in the real world, but that had been a long time ago, and now he was struggling to remember how to properly control the beast to make anything out of this highly unnecessary hunt.

The Ministers were firing off arrow after arrow, and so was the King.

Saïx looked around to see if he could find his friends to ask them where Axel was. Mask or no mask, Axel's hair was hard to miss, and Saïx hadn't seen him in the line-up.

Saïx wasn't sure what he'd say once he found him, he just knew that they had to talk. Saïx needed to explain his relationship with King Xemnas, and he knew that he should have been clear about it from the beginning, but all he could do now was try to patch things up as best as he could and trust Axel to meet him halfway.

"Psst, Saïx!" Demyx hurried through the high grass in the middle of tall trees. He had pulled his mask up and he looked around before he got up close.

"Have you seen Axel?" Saïx asked and tried to get the horse to stop pacing.

"He should be around here somewhere. He's not part of the hunt, but he said he'd be here. There's a small shrine over there," Demyx pointed down the road with a quick look around. "My guess is that he's waiting for you there. I was just going to-"

An arrow swooshed past Saïx face and penetrated the tree behind him. Demyx turned around with wide eyes to see two Ministers stare back at them, readying themselves to shoot again.

"They're real arrows..." Demyx quickly turned around and slapped the horse on the rear. "Saïx, get outta here! Now!"

Saïx grabbed the reigns tightly as the horse galloped down the narrow path through the forest. The surroundings quickly changed from spacious forest to walls of bamboo trees. He could hear Demyx yell behind him, and he turned around to see that the two Ministers were after him.

His heart was beating hard in his chest, his thoughts were racing while he tried to find a way out of this, but luck wasn't on his side. The long, same-colored and tightly growing bamboo trees confused the horse who reared with a loud neigh when Saïx tried to get him to turn around. He was thrown off, and just as he crawled back, his legs too weak to carry him, he heard the hoofs of two other horses approach him.

"We've got you now, rat!" The older of the two Ministers drew his bow and aimed right for Saïx.

Saïx froze, thinking that his life was about to reach its end, but then he saw a spot of red blur jump out from the bamboo forest and tackle the old Minister off his horse.

"Shoot!" the old Minister yelled at his companion who quickly reached for his bow.

"Saïx, run!" Axel yelled.

Saïx had just gotten up onto his feet. He saw the other Minister draw his bow, ready to kill him off, and in the distance he could make out the familiar voices of Demyx, Hayner and Seifer. It was just like their last night at the village that had once been their home, and he wondered if he was just reliving his past when he was suddenly shoved aside.

"No!"

_Had it been too late?_ Saïx wondered when he heard the arrow hit. He couldn't feel it. It didn't hurt nearly as much as he thought it would. But then, Demyx fell by his feet, a long arrow sticking out through the bullseye board he was wearing, and his breath got caught in his throat just as Hayner and Seifer ran up to them, falling to their knees at seeing blood slowly accumulate in Demyx's mouth.

A pained groan came from the younger of the Ministers when King Xemnas shot an arrow right through his arm. The King had stopped the Minister from firing yet another arrow at Saïx.

"We're not here for a festive hunt, are we?" King Xemnas asked calmly as he glared at the Minister who stared back at him in defiance.

"By selfless sacrifice, Ministers have built this kingdom. Yet you repay us by inviting gutter rats to mock us?!"

They were standing so far away, yet Saïx wished he could simply focus on their voices to avoid hearing Hayner trying to hold back sobs as Seifer sat Demyx up slowly, hoping to find any way to get Demyx out of this, but the arrow was in deep, and anything they did now would only kill Demyx faster.

"You guys are seriously the best thing that's happened to me..." Demyx gasped and clenched his fingers around Hayner's hand.

"Don't talk like you're going somewhere, pal," Seifer began weakly. "You promised us dinner, remember? You gonna stand us up now, when we're all basically rich?"

"Raincheck," he said with a soft smile.

Saïx wanted to say something comforting, give Demyx reasons to fight and stay with them, be as brave as Hayner and at least hold Demyx's hand as he struggled to breathe while all resemblance of color washed off his face, but Saïx sat there frozen.

Axel sat down in front of Demyx. He was fighting the tears, and as Demyx closed his eyes for the last time, he had to look away to not give in like Seifer did.

When had things come to this? Had Saïx known? Had he ever once suspected that his friends might be at risk of getting hurt due to the growing hatred for them? He should have known. Saïx had read the stories. He knew what happened to people who got too close to the King without the consent of the Ministers. Saïx had brought this on them.

The guilt settled in his chest with the weight of a mountain and he looked over at Axel, in hope that Axel would bring him in close and tell him that it wasn't his fault and that everything would be alright; but Axel had turned his back to him. He walked away with Hayner and Seifer to help them carry Demyx's lifeless body back to the castle, and he never once turned around to tell Saïx to come with them.

At that moment Saïx realized that he might have more in common with King Xemnas than he had previously thought.

They were both murderers.

**~o~**

The rain was falling hard once the undertakers arrived to the castle grounds, dragging a simple wooden carriage behind them where they wrapped Demyx in covers of hay. Saïx saw Hayner gently tuck Demyx's arm under the heavy hay, his hand lingering on Demyx's just for a little while longer. His eyes were swollen from crying. His chest heaved with every sob that he failed to hold back.

Axel and Seifer stood on each side of the carriage, their backs turned to Saïx, when four guards led him forward; away from the courtyard and toward the castle where King Xemnas was waiting.

Saïx was soaked by the time they walked in through the castle gates. Servants appeared from nowhere and helped him out of the expensive dress that was surely meant to be worn only once. The long silky robe on him now was light blue with a wide, white collar. The scent of a perfume that had become all too familiar to Saïx, lingered on the expensive fabric, and it made Saïx want to crawl out of it with a shudder at realizing that he was wearing King Xemnas' robe.

What was keeping him here? Why couldn't he just run away like he had done before?

The servants pulled the paper-doors aside to let Saïx step into King Xemnas' chamber where the King quickly turned to greet him, a bow and arrow still in his hand from the hunt. He stood there in white linen pants, generally used as undergarments, with a long light blue robe, almost identical to the one Saïx was wearing. He seemed oblivious to the heavy sorrow weighing Saïx down.

King Xemnas led him into the room and onto a small elevated podium that was decorated with lots of soft pillows, seemingly in a mood for celebration. He had rid himself of two supposedly corrupt Ministers, after all.

King Xemnas stepped back and lifted his bow and arrow with a mocking chuckle, before he lowered his weapons briefly. "Don't move, just play along."

Saïx stared at him through his wet bangs, feeling sick at having to look at what could very well be his own reflection; an ignorant mad man who brought nothing but misfortune to those around him.

"By selfless sacrifice, Ministers have built this kingdom!" King Xemnas said in a similar pressed tone the deceased Minister had spoken in. "Yet you invite these street rats to mock us?!" He moved in closer, the tip of the arrow mere inches from Saïx's forehead, but Saïx remained still, staring blankly ahead until King Xemnas released the arrow, but held it in place at the front.

"Now it's your turn," he said and reached for Saïx's hands to give him the bow and the arrow before he stood back with a grin. "Shoot me!"

Two servants stepped inside, their heads bowed as they carried two trays into the room. They weren't meant to be seen, but King Xemnas saw everything now and he reached for the woman that crossed his way and put her in front of him with one swift pull of her arm.

"No, shoot her instead!" He said with a change of voice that almost seemed childish, until he continued. "Here's a wench that stops at no evil! Shoot!"

The servant was shaking, pleading under her breath, afraid to awaken the King's wrath. King Xemnas looked back at Saïx expectantly, waiting for Saïx to do as he was told, to complete the skit he had planned out.

He smiled when Saïx let out a weak chuckle, as if he thought that Saïx finally understood and was now as much a part of his games as he had been in the beginning.

Saïx drew the bow, ignoring the whimpers coming from the terrified servant when King Xemnas kept encouraging him to shoot with such eagerness that it was made obvious what little value human life had to the King.

Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. Saïx aimed, his hands trembling as he stared King Xemnas' right in the eye. If he was going to be a murderer, he might as well make his third victim count for something.

"Shoot, I say!"

The arrow swooshed right past King Xemnas' face to the shriek of the servant when the arrow ended up halfway through the wooden pillar right beside them. King Xemnas' eyes were wide with surprise at seeing the arrow and thinking of what it could have done had Saïx aimed for him.

"Heaven has seen the evils of your tyranny," Saïx said, his voice thick with sadness. It was hard to swallow the lump in his throat. He felt lightheaded and once more he was left wondering why he was here when he could have ended King Xemnas' life with only a servant as a witness, but he was even incapable of avenging the death of a dear friend.

The image of Hayner, Seifer and Axel standing by the carriage upon which Demyx lay flashed before his eyes and he laid down onto the multitude of pillows, hearing how King Xemnas pushed the servant aside followed by her quick steps out of the room.

King Xemnas sat down beside him, resting his forehead against Saïx's shoulder before he bumped his head against him gently, drawing a deep sigh as he took a fistful of silky fabric right by Saïx's lower back.

"You can't be sad, little Butterfly. You're the ground where the roses grow."

Saïx couldn't hold back the tear that fell across the bridge of his nose. He wanted to move away and scream at the top of his lungs to voice the pain at realizing what his life had become and what it had done to the people he cared for the most. He wanted to make clear to King Xemnas that he had no right referencing a story Saïx should have kept quiet about. Something as beautiful as that was ruined on the lips of something as dark and wicked as the King. But Saïx lay frozen when King Xemnas buried his face in the nape of Saïx's neck to inhale his own scent on someone else.

When King Xemnas cupped his face and moved in for a kiss, Saïx wondered if it had ever passed through Axel's mind to break into the castle to drag him out of the King's chamber and back out to the world where they had once known freedom.

**~o~**

Darkness had fallen. The rain had stopped and left small pools of water all over the courtyard. Everything was packed. Most of the troupe members had already gone ahead to find a place to stay overnight out in the city. There was only one carriage left to bring with them. Only two other troupe members aside from Axel, Hayner and Seifer had stayed behind to help them with the carriage.

Axel sat on the edge of the porch, holding a small bag of belongings when Seifer and Hayner walked up to him for the third time this past hour.

"Axel, c'mon, let's go. He's not coming," Seifer said with a stern look in his eyes. Axel hadn't said that he was waiting, it seemed like a stupid thing to say after everything that had happened. "He found his place. Whatever he was, it's gone now. You can't wait forever."

"I'm not gonna wait forever, just for a bit longer."

Seifer rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh of frustration before he looked back at Axel. It had to be easier for them to want to leave Saïx behind, but despite the resentment Axel felt for Saïx, he couldn't bring himself to give up without feeling like he had at least put up a fight for everything they had been up until they took a step into these godforsaken castle grounds.

"Look," Seifer began. "I'm not even gonna pretend that I get it, 'cause I don't. If you get him out of here, I'll be the happiest guy alive, but I just don't have the same faith in Saïx that you do. I can't risk getting caught here. I'm done losing people I care about to that nutjob of a King, so when you're done here, we'll be at the downtown district, south of where we lived before. We'll leave for the coast tomorrow at noon. I hope to see you there."

Seifer gave Axel a pat on his shoulder. Hayner smiled weakly at him and followed Seifer back to the carriage. Axel looked after them, a voice in his head urging him to follow. He had done enough waiting to last him the rest of his life, and the way things were now made it so easy to give into that voice despite the clench in his chest telling him to wait.

He had made it halfway down the courtyard when Saïx showed up, drawing the attention of everyone standing there. He was dragging the too long blue robe that was held together with the bright red silken belt from his uniform. He looked tousled and slightly confused by the carriage that was filled with things he recognized and the lack of people in the place that had been home to most of them.

The blue robe differed from the Minister's robe, Axel noticed. He scoffed to himself as he suddenly felt no qualms about simply walking past Saïx and to wherever Seifer had planned to go.

"Axel, what are you doing?" Saïx's voice was hoarse, he sounded tired and then a soft sob got caught in his throat when he realized that Axel was just going to leave without repeating what he had been saying for weeks. He quickly grabbed Axel's hand when he walked by, knowing that Axel had very rarely ignored him then. "Don't go."

"Don't go?" Axel pulled his hand away from Saïx. "What do you suppose we do here, huh? Wait for the King to snap and kill us off one by one?! We're leaving, and if you don't have a reason to stay, so will you."

"I can't."

"Why not?" Axel looked him right in the eye for whatever amount of time Saïx managed to face him. "Why can't you leave, Saïx? Tell me now so that we can be over with it once and for all."

Saïx glanced quickly at Hayner and Seifer who both stood by the carriage before he looked back at Axel briefly. A tear fell down his face as he took a deep breath. "I can't run anymore."

"What does that even mean? You _can_ run. That's what we've always done. That's how people like us survive. We run. We run fast and we run far. Your problem is that you don't _want_ to run anymore. You finally found a place that's just as comfortable as that prison of a school, right? All you have to do is bend over for the King, but that's fine, right? That's what you were trained for..." Axel's voice trembled and he gritted his teeth to not have anything else spill, but he had been holding these things in for too long, and now that he had exploded, there was no turning back.

"You're wrong."

"Hey, guys, c'mon now..." Hayner began, almost as a reflex.

"Why are you meddling, Hayner?" Axel interrupted. "To not have Demyx worry? He's not around anymore, remember?" He glared back at Saïx. "He's not around anymore, but I guess that's an okay price to pay as long as you get to be with your King."

Axel continued ahead, Seifer and Hayner right behind him as the two other troupe members pulled the light carriage with them. Saïx ran up to the carriage and quickly found a sword that he unsheathed before he ran past Axel, Hayner and Seifer, stopping right in front of Axel, holding his sword up, seemingly ready to attack.

"No!" Saïx stared Axel in the eye, ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks. "Don't go!"

Seifer and Hayner stood back, but Axel walked up to Saïx, never once looking away from him. He stopped less than an inch away from the tip of the sword. "You've gone mad."

Axel gripped the blade with one hand and pulled the sword out of Saïx's hands. Armed with the sword, Axel walked back to the carriage, his blood boiling in his veins with anger and frustration. He raised the sword and hit every item he could come across in the carriage until nearly half of it was on the ground. His breathing was heavy when he stood back. He could hear Saïx run up close when he turned to the tightrope that still stood tall on the courtyard.

He raised the sword up high to chop at the rope time and time again without success. There had to be a way to sever this damned rope and be done with all of this. He needed to see it severed. He needed to know that he could end this hurt by breaking the bond that tied him to Saïx, but just like in life, Saïx came in between him and his symbolism.

"Axel! Stop!" Saïx held his hand over Axel's and tried to make him stop swinging the sword at the rope. "Please! Just stop!" The abrupt sob made Axel look back at Saïx as he slowly lowered the sword, Saïx's hands still over his.

The others were still standing there, watching them both from a distance.

"I can't leave because I don't deserve to be anywhere else." Saïx paused and managed a meek smile when he noticed Axel looking at him as if it had been years since they last had seen each other. "I've done so many bad things, Axel. So many. I've hurt you. I've hurt them. And there's this heavy weight of guilt and self-hatred that I can't rid myself of, Axel. It's holding me back. I can't run. I don't deserve to be saved. That's why I can't leave."

Axel dropped the sword to the ground to run his hand across Saïx's pale cheek and move in close to rest his forehead against Saïx's. His breath got caught in his throat when he tried to ask a hundred different questions and whisper a thousand words of comfort all at the same time. He wiped one tear away with his thumb and placed a soft kiss on the tip of Saïx's nose, but the sweet gesture only inspired more tears.

"I want you to save yourself, I want you to leave, but I don't want to be left alone. I want you to stay with me. Does that make me a horrible person?"

Axel ran his arms around Saïx tightly and shook his head softly. In a way, he felt relief. Saïx hadn't been completely honest about his feelings since Axel's accident. He had taken on the role as the stronger one to keep Axel from harm's way, but in doing so, he had decided to carry all of his burdens by himself. Axel felt like he was back in now. Saïx was confiding in him, reaching out for him and asking for help.

But like so many other times in his life, his relief was short-lived. The sound of at least twenty soldiers came from around the corner. They all spilled out on the courtyard when Minister Xehanort stepped forward with King Xemnas and Lady Aqua right behind. It was a scene that was all too familiar.

"Arrest them!" Minister Xehanort said and pointed at Axel and Saïx with a gloved finger. "You are detained for spreading distasteful lies about His Majesty King Xemnas all over Radiant Garden, and for that you will be punished!"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta reader: The Wistful Bloom  
> Warnings: major character death, mentions of torture

* * *

Lowly ranked guards had spread a firm bamboo mat on the ground, where they placed a small wooden table with a sheet of paper and a brush with ink on the side. Saïx was brought forward and was told to sit down and take the brush.

King Xemnas watched him with a frown. Minister Xehanort seemed indifferent from where he stood by his side, but his sidewards glares at Lady Aqua made it obvious that this had been an unforeseen event that might require a change of plans.

"You will write following message exactly as cited," said a guard, reaching for a folded sheet of paper that Lady Aqua had brought as evidence. "In depravity upon depravity, the King has reached absolute bottom in moral decency..."

"What...?" Saïx asked, taken aback as he looked up at King Xemnas, whose focused stare never wavered. "Your Majesty, I don't-"

"Write it down!" King Xemnas demanded, his fists clenched.

"In depravity upon depravity, the King has reached absolute bottom in moral decency," the guard repeated loudly as Saïx put the brush against the paper and began to write down what he was hearing with a shaky breath. "With dancing girls and clowns by his side, the King indulges in the most vulgar of acts."

Another guard approached Saïx and snatched the sheet of paper away from the table. He showed it to the others to compare it with the paper Lady Aqua had brought. They didn't have to look at it for longer than a minute to conclude that the handwriting was the same. King Xemnas was urged to look at the clear evidence of betrayal, and Saïx could see him clench his jaw at what he saw.

There were guards waiting, ready to escort Saïx to wherever he needed to go to be punished. All they needed was the order from King Xemnas.

"Your Majesty, I swear, I have nothing to do with this." Saïx was far from certain if pleading was the right way to go. It hadn't worked for the people he had seen be slain by King Xemnas' hand, but he thought that maybe it could work for him.

"Why would you do something like this?" King Xemnas seemed confused while he gave the situation a second of contemplation. It was a longer display of mercy than anyone had ever received, but it wasn't long before the look in his eyes was replaced with anger for a betrayal he felt he didn't deserve.

Hate was never a feeling that was too far away in any of King Xemnas' relationships. Saïx had seen how quickly he could change. He made people an extension of himself, to be able to get close. If King Xemnas failed to make that connection, people lost whatever value they had held; and at this moment Saïx feared that King Xemnas could see his worthlessness all too clearly.

"I sentence you to death."

The guards quickly pulled Saïx's arms behind his back to tie them together at his wrists. As he was pulled upright, he could see the horrified looks on Seifer's and Hayner's faces at hearing his sentence. He couldn't see Axel. Axel was obscured by the multitude of soldiers around him that were there to keep him from meddling in the affairs between the King and his once beloved clown.

"Death, Your Majesty?" Lady Aqua asked, suddenly pale. "Throwing him out of the castle is surely punishment enough."

"Isn't this what you wanted? It's why you brought it up, isn't it?" King Xemnas didn't look away from Saïx. He wanted to make an example of Saïx in a line of many. Respect for the King wasn't optional, it was an obligation. Those who strayed from his view on this would be met by instant death.

Axel's laughter suddenly broke through the tension and called for the attention of everyone involved when he fearlessly pushed through the guards holding him back, causing others to draw their swords at the sudden threat Axel was imposing.

"You've got the wrong guy," he said with a scoff. "I wrote it. He's innocent."

"Axel! Don't!"

"The audacity of it has my signature written all over it." Axel dared to look King Xemnas dead in the eye. "After all, it was by audacity that I got into the castle."

"Silence, clown!" Lady Aqua demanded with slight panic in her voice at Axel's confession. "We already have the evidence that it was him."

"The work of a whore and her tongue is never done, huh?" Axel sighed.

"How dare you?!"

Axel reached for the brush that had been left resting by the ink and reached for the original message before he began to write. He took a deep breath to keep his hand from shaking, and once he was done he held up his sheet of paper next to the one Saïx had supposedly written, only to reveal that the handwriting was identical.

"Axel, please, don't do this," Saïx pleaded quietly.

King Xemnas seemed bewildered by the results, but Lady Aqua shook her head decisively. The guard by her side had stepped back, maybe to avoid standing too close to the King.

"He's lying, Your Majesty," she said in an attempt to convince King Xemnas. "Why would anyone confess so readily to something as heinous as this?"

"I taught him to write. He imitated my style. That's why it looks the same. He's the King's beloved one, isn't he? What reason would he have to spread lies about you?"

King Xemnas took one step forward to move away from the hand Lady Aqua had on his arm. His glare was one of threatened superiority, despite being a King faced with a lowly street performer whose life was in his hands.

Axel looked right back at him, foolishly unafraid of the power King Xemnas had. Some would say that it was a look of a man who had lost it all, but it was a foreign concept to the King, and so, he took it as a wordless challenge.

King Xemnas looked over at Saïx and caught him gazing at the man who had openly admitted to disgracing the King's name. He simply reached his hand out to one of the guards nearby.

"Sword," was King Xemnas' simple demand. "You'll be rewarded for your honesty, clown. I'll end your pitiful life right here. That's all the mercy I can grant you."

"Don't use words you don't understand."

"Y-your Majesty, don't!" Saïx's voice had King Xemnas lowering his sword. "You shouldn't soil your hands with the blood of a street rat. He's not worthy of such an honor."

King Xemnas turned to look at Saïx whose tears seemed to have drained his face of colour. With a simple wave of his hand, he ordered his guards to release Saïx, and he kneeled in front of him with a small smile on his lips.

"You're spellbound, Isa," he said and caught a tear that ran down Saïx's cheek with his thumb. "It was him that murdered you, wasn't it? He told you to leave when I so graciously offered you a home. You have to break the spell. Black magic only works for as long as the sorcerer is alive."

"No," Saïx shook his head softly. "Please, Your Majesty..."

"You have to put an end to him, little Butterfly. He's ruining our kingdom and filling it with thorns."

King Xemnas was talking to him, and yet, Saïx looked past him and at the obnoxious threat of a man behind him instead, as if he couldn't help himself. As if he wouldn't be able to look at anyone else as long as the man could look back at him.

King Xemnas rose to his feet, his hand clenching around the sword in his hand. Death was a punishment much too lenient, and he only needed a quick glance at the fire burning from the torches around him to be struck by the idea of a much better punishment.

"Blind him," he demanded instead. "With iron."

The announcement that had been made in such an indifferent tone stirred an uproar amongst the clown's allies. The guards had to hold back the street performers that had been looking from afar. They had to restrain Saïx and the man who would soon no longer have the ability to stare so defiantly at the King.

Guards came with an iron bar, its end glowing in a furious mixture of orange and white. King Xemnas looked over to Minister Xehanort briefly, to ease the never vanishing sense of insecurity before each of his decisions. Minister Xehanort simply gave him a brief nod, and that was all it took for King Xemnas to find the certainty he needed.

The scream of agony that echoed in the small courtyard that night was King Xemnas' absolute proof that he had won once more.

As the thorns vanished, and the smell of burnt flesh dispersed, King Xemnas sighed, contented and relieved.

**~o~**

The wide shackles hanging from the ceiling were tight around Axel's wrists, and they kept his arms up in an uncomfortable position, making his shoulders ache. His legs felt weak and it was difficult to stand up, even though standing up relieved the pain in his back.

He was certain that he was in a dungeon somewhere, held captive behind bars for his crime, guarded by soldiers that were as much prisoners as he was. There was no way to know for sure. His world was dark now, completely void of light.

Was this a fate worse than death?

Axel scoffed at the thought. Maybe it was. It wasn't the grand closure he had expected. His final curtain had fallen in a tattered mess. He was just another prisoner in the line of many. When the King's story was written down, Axel wouldn't be mentioned as one to have died by his hands. He would, in all likelihood, not be remembered at all.

And yet, there was a part of him that still managed to feel at ease.

Saïx was still alive. What he did now was completely up to him, and Axel believed him strong enough to make a decision. It would hurt for a while, but Saïx would soon find the strength he needed to run and start anew. If Axel, by some miracle, survived this, he'd happily follow.

Axel coughed and tried to stand up for a second, to give his shoulders a rest. He heard something from a distance and assumed that one of the soldiers had fallen out of stance.

"You don't have it easy, do you?" he asked and paused in the hope he'd get a reply, but there was nothing. "Hey, mind if I tell you a story? I've heard I tell pretty good ones."

Another moment of silence went by, and Axel decided to tell the story whether the soldiers liked it or not. Talking seemed to at least ease the fever induced echoing in his head.

"I was sorta meant to end up here. I went to the School of Performing Arts, but I ran away. I fell in love first. That's how it all started. Have you ever looked at someone and known that you're done for? Heaven and earth simply disappears from your world, and it's replaced by an endless abyss. Suddenly you walk a narrow line through life, putting one foot in front of the other, thinking that maybe you've gone blind, but then you see it; a light."

Axel shivered when a droplet of cold water fell from the high ceiling and hit him on the head. A rat ran past his bare feet at the squeak that came from the other side of the cell. Axel almost lost his footing when his right ankle suddenly twisted underneath his weight, but he managed to keep his balance.

"He always did screw up my symbolism," Axel muttered when he thought about his half-baked story. "See, I thought that he was my saving grace, the clown with the dollface. He was the tightrope I walked on through the abyss, he was going to lead me to the light, lead me home. But that's not how it is. I was born blind. Most of us are, I think."

The soldier opened the door to Axel's cell slowly, and the rusted iron door creaked at the hinges.

"The world has always been an abyss. He was the light that tossed me a rope and gave me a sense of direction. He was home, and now, when I'm really blind, I see it clearly. Isn't that true irony?" Axel asked with a bitter laugh, not expecting an answer.

"Yeah, it is," Seifer said, his voice thick.

Axel heard him give someone else a soft shove before that someone walked up to him. Fingers lingered right above the piece of fabric that had been tied around Axel's eyes, but they never came close enough to brush against it.

"Do you want some water or anything?" Hayner asked and took a step back.

"You should both leave. It's crawling with soldiers in here, and I'm too weak to run." Axel didn't mean to sound stern. His friends had come for him, he felt grateful for that, but their safety was far more important.

"And let you rot here without giving you the chance to tell Saïx your incoherent story?" Seifer asked back, in a tone just as stern. "Open up, here comes water," he said and put the wet ladle against Axel's lips to let him drink. Almost half of it ended up running down his chin, but the water he managed to drink felt nice in his feverish state.

"Saïx is with the King," Axel said and had to squirm when he felt his upper left arm cramp. "I'm not leaving without him and you're not taking me with you. Run. Save yourselves."

"Shut up, Axel," Hayner cut in before Seifer had the chance to say anything. "You're not in a position to tell us what to do. We call the shots now and you're coming with us."

Axel felt a scent of flowers waft past him and for a split second he thought that maybe they had gotten Saïx out already, but the hand on his wrists was soft and cold, and far too small to be Saïx's.

"I'm sorry for how things turned out."

It took Axel a moment to put a face to that voice, but as he was freed from his shackles, he remembered; Lady Aqua. Seifer and Hayner were quick to put Axel's arms around their necks to keep him up straight and lead him forward slowly, to not cause him any more harm.

They stopped once Lady Aqua closed the cell door behind her, and Axel waited for her to speak to know whether she was standing in front of him or behind him.

"I didn't realize how far gone King Xemnas was until it was too late. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope you can at least let me do this for you."

"The Southern Kingdom is preparing for an attack. We're not sure when they'll strike, but they're coming and we need to be out of here before they do," Hayner was quick to add.

"What?"

"Lady Aqua said that she has an idea to how we can get Saïx out safe and sound," Seifer said in an attempt to convince Axel to go along with their escape. "We can do this."

"What do they mean?" Axel asked with a heavy sigh. "There's going to be another war?"

"The King is weak," Lady Aqua said with feigned indifference. "But whatever happens, it won't be your problem. The army from the Southern Kingdom will not harm civilians."

"And if the civilians put up a fight?" Axel had clenched his fists and tried to step forward, but Seifer and Hayner held him back.

"How about we try to solve the problems we're facing right now? King Xemnas has been locked inside his chamber for two days with your friend. The servants say that his mental state has clearly deteriorated..."

"And Saïx?"

"...he's not speaking," Lady Aqua paused. "Which is why we have to move in quickly. King Xemnas is unpredictable as it is. We ̶̶ I, will coax him out. He wants to hear stories. A large tightrope has been set up in the main courtyard where you first performed. Can you do it? Are you fit to make simple tricks on the tightrope?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course, you'll bring him out to the courtyard and we'll do a number and tell him a story," Axel took a deep breath, not feeling like the air quite reached his lungs.

The memories of Isa's long days in silence rushed through him and reminded him of the claustrophobic feeling at knowing that there was a universe of thoughts within Isa that he refused to voice when he had been frightened into thinking that his universe wasn't worth anything at all. Lea had struggled to bring him back, and despite his efforts, Axel knew that Lea never managed to get back the Isa from before the incident. It scared him to think that Axel would fail to help Saïx out of it too.

The escape plan was simple. After the performance they would go backstage and leave the King with the impression that there was going to be a scenery change. They would run down the stairs into the Royal Gardens and out through the unlocked gates. They would be gone before the King realized that they had escaped.

It was a simple plan, but Axel was uncertain if he could follow through when he had to walk with the support of Seifer and Hayner just to get out of the dungeon.

**~o~**

The long hallways stood empty and there had been no guards standing by the doors when Lady Aqua walked into the castle, armed with a dagger that she had hidden in her wide silken belt.

The silence made her uneasy. No one else in the castle but her knew that King Eraqus of the Southern Kingdom had dispatched his army. She hurried down the familiar hallways, ignoring the few servants that bowed in her presence. It wasn't until she walked around the corner to the last hallway that she was stopped in her tracks.

"Going somewhere?" Minister Xehanort asked with a smug look.

"I'm going to see the King."

"What for? He's well entertained."

"There's entertainment waiting for him out on the courtyard."

"That's not for you to decide, Lady Aqua." He rested his hands onto his back and paced briefly. "I know about the little surprise attack, and the King needs to stay inside the castle."

"Is that why you've send all the guards away, you traitor?" Lady Aqua's eyes narrowed, but she kept her arms firmly to her sides to resist the temptation to reach for her dagger.

" _I'm_ the traitor? Surely you're not one to talk seeing how you've been conspiring against the King since the very beginning. We are working for the same goals, Lady Aqua. Why not await the special moment in peace?"

Whether it was the comparison to Minister Xehanort or the general despise she felt towards him that had her reach for her dagger after all, she couldn't say. All she knew was that she had pushed the old man against the wall in one swift move, putting the dagger against his throat.

"I wouldn't do anything hasty if I were you, Lady Aqua," Minister Xehanort said with unnerving certainty that nothing would happen. "King Eraqus is awaiting my arrival."

"What?"

"Weren't you informed, Lady Aqua?" Minister Xehanort asked with a smirk. "I'll be rewarded for my services to the Southern Kingdom with the title 'royal advisor'."

Lady Aqua stared at him, frightened and bewildered at what Minister Xehanort's position would mean for the kingdom she had fought relentlessly for. She tried to understand how King Eraqus could have put his trust in Minister Xehanort when he had shown how easily he could turn his back on a king whom he had vowed to serve until death.

"If you think I'll let you ruin my home, you're severely mistaken, Minister Xehanort."

"I don't see any other choice for you, Lady Aqua. Your thoughts mean nothing in this world."

Lady Aqua was subtly surprised by how easily she managed to stab through Minister Xehanort's throat. One stab was enough. She took a step back as she pulled her dagger out and watched the old man clutch at his throat like she had done so many times when King Xemnas had lost his temper with her.

Minister Xehanort struggled for air that he was never to breathe again. Lady Aqua had thought that if Minister Xehanort were ever to die in front of her, she would stay to watch the pure evil disguised as a man leave this world, but she left before he died.

She wiped the blade of her dagger clean on her sleeve. The bloodstains were the least of her worries when she pushed the paper-doors aside before the servants could. She could hear King Xemnas speak, his tone changing with every pause he made.

King Xemnas looked up at her when she pushed the last door aside and stepped into his chamber. He held a small doll in his hand. It was dressed in clothes of a peasant and there were still small traces of the red yarn that had been the doll's hair, but King Xemnas had altered it as best as he could. He had tied pieces of silk around the doll's neck and he had teared the red yarn away and put a piece of a golden candlestick holder on top of the doll's head for a crown.

He's face was twisted with frustration when he looked back at the doll on the floor; Saïx's doll that was just as motionless as Saïx himself.

Lady Aqua moved further into the room slowly. Saïx had a faint bruise on his left cheek. Lady Aqua tried to see if there were any other wounds on him, and when she found none, she turned her attention to the King who had reached for Saïx's hand to give him the doll on the floor.

"Your Majesty, the Royal Court is awaiting you. A celebration has been put together in your honor," Lady Aqua said gently, taking one small step forward.

"Little Butterfly..." King Xemnas whispered in sing-song to Saïx. "Wake up."

"Your Majesty?"

"Are you a thorn, Lady Aqua?" King Xemnas didn't turn to look at her. He was probably not entirely aware that she truly was standing there, watching a madman of a King trying to make someone he had shattered work at his command.

Lady Aqua kneeled and dared to move in closer.

"Your Majesty, I don't think you understand," she said with sudden desperation in her voice and then completely changed when King Xemnas turned his head slightly. "Play along, Your Majesty."

King Xemnas quickly looked back as if he suddenly understood that he was part of a great skit and needed to be in character.

"Little Butterfly can't hear you now, Your Majesty. Don't you see that the Little Butterfly is in a cocoon? It needs sun to flourish into the Butterfly you have been awaiting, Your Majesty."

"And only then will Radiant Garden truly be grand," King Xemnas added and hurried to get onto his feet. He walked over to his dresser on the other side of the room and dressed for the final act that he had been promised out on the courtyard.

Lady Aqua moved in closer to Saïx with a quick glimpse at King Xemnas before she dared to say anything.

"Isa," she began in a whisper. "The sun is about to set and you promised to be by shallow waters at the moonrise to speak of his name to a world who would otherwise forget him. Axel is waiting for you."

She gulped. She didn't know what it meant, she only repeated what Axel had told her to say, and now she could only hope that it was enough to get Saïx to react in a crucial moment like this. Each second that passed seemed eternal, and she feared that she wouldn't get through to him before King Xemnas came back, but then suddenly, Saïx looked at her.

"Just follow my lead, I'll take you to him," Lady Aqua said with a small smile and sat back as soon as she heard King Xemnas move away from his dresser.

Lady Aqua knew that taking King Xemnas out to the courtyard was foolish when an attack from the Southern Kingdom was imminent. In his mental state, he could easily get himself killed even though King Eraqus had promised her mercy on his life. But when she saw the once majestic man hurry to the aid of what he believed to be the personified essence of Radiant Garden, she knew that his time of glory was long gone, and in a world as cruel as this one, death might be the best for him after all.

**~o~**

Saïx had never ceased to be amazed at Axel's ability to challenge him, whether it was for a petty bet or a life changing decision. If Axel ran fast, Saïx would run faster. If Axel jumped high, Saïx would jump higher. If Axel was strong, Saïx would be stronger. Axel was Saïx's way of measuring his own value. If Axel wasn't with him, Saïx deemed himself worthless.

Saïx knew how furiously Axel would oppose his way of thinking, but it was how he survived. Axel made living worthwhile. Saïx could see the beauty of the world through Axel's eyes, but through leeching off Axel's happiness, Saïx had ended up costing him his sight.

After all the suffering Saïx felt that he had caused Axel, he didn't think that Axel would ever want to deal with him again, to not be reminded of the life he had led up until now. But Axel hung on, just like he had always done. Now it was Saïx's turn to wait by the tightrope.

His heart was beating fast. The tightrope in the middle of the courtyard where they first had performed for the King, towered over them. It was the tallest tightrope Saïx had ever seen, but falling off of it wasn't even a concern.

Two guards escorted Axel. Saïx's breath hitched in throat at seeing him, still dishevelled from his time locked up in the dungeons, feverish from his blinding and aching in his body. The fabric tied around his eyes was meant to keep his wounds hidden from the world, but it only reminded Saïx of what had been done to him.

Saïx balanced his way up to the top of the tightrope when the guards guided Axel to his end where he carefully placed a foot and then the other. Axel moved with certainty, as if he was walking on firm ground. He stopped once he had gotten to the top and he took a deep breath.

"In a time, much like our own, there was a King," Axel said loudly, his voice echoing in the courtyard.

King Xemnas sat on his throne, watching intently with Lady Aqua by his side. No one seemed to have questioned the missing Ministers or the lack of guards, even the servants were scarce.

"At that same time, there was a man and a doll whom the man loved so deeply that it could fill this world and the next."

"What fool of a man would fall in love with a doll?" Saïx asked, his voice breaking slightly at the small smile on Axel's lips when he heard Saïx speak.

"But you see, it wasn't any kind of doll. A man needs to climb high mountains and plead with the gods for the touch of life, for only then can the doll love a man back."

"Only a King can speak with the gods, and a King is not a fool, so the King wouldn't fall for the doll."

"That is true, but a King doesn't love. A King wants, and the King wanted the doll so much that his kingdom fell in his stead. As the kingdom crumbled, the fool of a man turned to the doll and said in a weary voice; tired are my legs, just as yours, my love for you is infinite and will survive this world, will you take my hand as we stand and face, what little is left of our final days?"

From behind the castle walls came a low rumble of battle cries from hundreds and hundreds of warriors dressed in the colours that didn't belong to Radiant Garden. The large wooden doors didn't seem to be enough to hold the foreign soldiers out of the heart of their kingdom as they slammed large trunks against it, in wait for it to budge under their strength.

"Yes, I will," came Saïx's reply with a soft sob.

They both skipped ahead on the thin rope up high, and right before they got to each other, they jumped, the stretched rope pushing them higher up in the air where they reached for each others hands, pulling each other into a tight embrace just as the soldiers from the Southern Kingdom poured into the courtyard and the castle, ready to combat any resistance in their way.

**~o~**

  
_The_ _unlikely story of how a King fell in love with a clown whose heart belonged to someone else lives on in the mouths of people, sometimes told as a cautionary tale, but mostly told as a love story greater than that of King Ansem and the Dragon Princess._  


  
_As_ _it is with many legends, many details become skewed along the way, twisted and turned until the story is no longer what it once was. But as a legend that is close to my heart, I will tell it every time I'm given a chance to bring justice to the fool of a m_ _an who fell in love with a doll, and climbed high mountains and screamed until the gods listened and gave him the touch of life._  


  
_What I won't and can't tell you is whether they lived or not. Many say that they died in each other's embrace that fateful day_ _, other say that they were taken prisoners or as slaves to the Southern Kingdom._  


_Very few believe that they live in a small house by the sea where they have a garden, chickens and a cow in the backyard._

_As for what I believe, well, I believe they escaped._

"Seifer, c'mon, we gotta hurry! There won't be fresh fish all day!" Hayner hurried past Seifer where he sat on a small bench by the harbour, with a thick notebook on his lap and a novelty pen that didn't require dipping in ink to write.

After their escape, Seifer had spent a lot of time thinking of the three friends he had left behind. He thought of Demyx's cold hands in his, he thought of Axel's broken smile when he had heard Saïx's voice up on the tightrope, and Saïx's longing look when he stood too far away from Axel. They had all changed his life, led him to places he never thought he'd see.

Seifer and Hayner had waited for Axel and Saïx to the very last second to escape the castle. Even as the hostile army broke down the door of the main entrance to the castle grounds, they had stayed and listened to every word that was exchanged between Axel and Saïx. As it became clear that their friends had decided to have their lives come to an end, together on the tightrope as they had lived life, Seifer had pulled Hayner out of there.

They were never given full closure. The Southern Kingdom had laid siege on the castle and forced the citizens away. Seifer and Hayner had left with what was left of their troupe and kept Axel's and Saïx's legacy alive as they travelled from town to town until they made it to a village by the sea where a certain story of a fisherman, who had been forced to leave everything behind, had originated.

Here they found out that the events that had unfolded before them at the castle had become stories that were told at pubs, gatherings and bonfires. It only seemed fair enough to learn how to read and write to make sure that Axel's, Saïx's and Demyx's life stories lived on forever. Seifer had taken on that task gladly.

Seifer put his things away in his satchel and took a quick glimpse at the sun and the clear blue sky.

He smiled and walked after Hayner with a sigh to let out some of the overwhelming warmth in his chest at thinking of his friends, hoping that they were happy and together wherever they might be.

**THE END**


End file.
